


In Your Starlight

by Yeoyou



Series: In Your Starlight [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: (well three but there's six people so), Alternative Universe - Star Trek, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Angst, TOS +25 era, bottle episode, fast burn that feels like a slow burn, look I tried my best with the techno babble but ... just go with it, there is only one bunk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 45,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeoyou/pseuds/Yeoyou
Summary: “TheSunset Curvevanished into the nebula 25 years ago. The last ever heard was a distress call. All you guys were declared dead.”“We’ve been in a bufferfor 25 years?!” Alex was trying very hard not to panic.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: In Your Starlight [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064258
Comments: 357
Kudos: 200





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been around for a while but only by starting to write it, did I discover that this story, apparently, wants to be a Willex story. So have flustered Starfleet cadet meet hot pilot in what is basically a bottle episode ^^ 
> 
> Posted as part of jatp appreciation week

Rematerialisation was always a bit of a system shock but usually, you could prepare for the sensation ahead of time. Since all three cadets had been caught unaware, they were now stumbling off the transporter platform, disoriented.

Alex Mercer, cadet 4th class at Starfleet Academy, felt his stomach lurch and he grabbed for the nearest support, which happened to be an arm and that arm was attached to a man he’d never seen before. He had just time to realise that the man wasn’t wearing a Starfleet uniform before getting thoroughly distracted by how ridiculously handsome he was.

“You okay there?”

The stranger smiled, dialling the hotness factor up by an unfair number of notches, and Alex gulped. He nodded—not trusting his tongue in his current state—and carefully retracted his hand from the man’s sleeve. Trying to dispel the fog in his brain, he blinked, inhaled, and then focused on his surroundings, taking in the fact that this was definitely not the _USS Sunset Curve_ but what appeared to be the engine room of a small cargo vessel, that there were two young women in addition to the man, none of them much older than Alex, and that all of them were staring at him and the other cadets who had materialised next to him on this ship: Luke Patterson and Reginald Peters, who also happened to be Alex’s best friends.

“Where are we? Who are you? What happened?” Luke was, as always, the first to recover, and had advanced towards the two women, who took a step back.

“We could ask you the same question!” One of them piped up.

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex was vaguely aware of the man watching the scene with an amused smile curling around his lips. He seemed disconcertingly relaxed!

“Why did you beam us over?” Reggie closed ranks with Luke.

Then, Alex remembered the minutes before their sudden relocation and adrenaline spiked through his veins.

“Our ship—” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.

The woman on the left bit her lip.

“There was an accident, apparently. They never really found out what happened. Nobody survived.”

“Wait—” Alex shook his head.

“ _We_ survived!” Luke said at the same moment, spreading his arms to encompass both Alex and Reggie in the gesture to make his point.

“Maybe we should start at the beginning.”

The suggestion interrupted their confused voices and they all turned towards the handsome stranger, who pointed at his chest.

“My name’s William. I’m the pilot of this ship; the _Phantom_. But you can call me Willie.” He grinned but since they were all still just staring at him, he cleared his throat. “Right. So, these are Flynn Michaels and Julie Molina and we’re on our way to Starbase 16.”

The _Sunset Curve_ had departed Starbase 16 only about three weeks ago, Alex recalled. Starting on its training mission of charting and exploring a nebula in Sector 32, with a crew of twelve officers and fifty-two Starfleet cadets. Everything had been going well but then the alarm sirens had started wailing and all the lights had switched to red.

“We came upon the wrack of the _Sunset Curve_ ,” the girl on the right, Molina, said softly, watching them for their reaction.

“The wreck?” Reggie stuttered. “But we were just on it when you—”

“That was 25 years ago.”

“What?”

“No way!”

“That’s impossible!”

Michaels winced in sympathy. “The _Sunset Curve_ vanished into the nebula 25 years ago. The last ever heard was a distress call. All you guys were declared dead.”

“She must have drifted through the nebula all this time,” Willie mused. “But with the interference of the ion storms, she was invisible to all sensors. It was pure luck we came by as she drifted part ways out again. We only dropped out of warp because I wanted to show the girls the cool nebula, taking the scenic route, as it were.”

“And even more lucky for you,” Michaels added, leaning one arm on Molina’s shoulder, “my friend here not only insisted on recovering the data core to hand over to Starfleet but also realised that there were three transporter matrixes still saved in the buffer. And because she’s a total genius, she was able to extricate them and beam them over to the _Phantom_!”

“We’ve been in a buffer _for 25 years?!_ ” Alex was trying very hard not to panic.

Luke, Reggie, and he were looking at each other in shock.

“But how—”

“Bobby!” Luke exclaimed. “He was on transporter duty, wasn’t he?”

“Right, he must have—”

“Yeah, but that means—”

“He didn’t make it,” Alex finished in a whisper.

Bobby Podvoric had been the fourth member of their tightly knitted friendship group and somehow, Luke had managed to keep them all together, despite their varying disciplinary fields. He’d even landed them all on the _Sunset Curve_ mission.

And now Bobby was gone. All of them were. All twelve officers and forty-nine cadets. There was just them.

“I’m really sorry,” Molina said and Michaels nodded in agreement.

Alex sat heavily down right where he’d stood. He wasn’t fully Starfleet yet and none of these unfamiliar people were Starfleet either so: to hell with protocol and etiquette!

Willie walked over and crouched down next to him, offering a bottle of water.

“I’m really sorry, man.”

Alex nodded at him, gratefully, and wet his parched throat, then handed the bottle over to Luke and Reggie, who’d sat down as well.

“So …,” Luke began lamely. “I guess everybody we knew thinks we’re dead, huh?”

Reggie shook his head with a soft laugh of bewilderment.

“We’re practically ghosts!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hope you liked the premise. Hope you'll stay for more! No, I don't currently know how many chapters this thing wants to have (it wasn't even supposed to get more than one but here we are) but I promise I try to write as fast as possible (though that's not saying much with full time job and world craziness...)


	2. Chapter 2

Their rescuers showed them up to the dining area, two decks above the engine room, and gave them some synthesised coffee to get over the shock. They left them to themselves soon after, retreating to the _Phantom_ ’s bridge, to give them some space to fully grasp all the consequences of how irrevocably their lives had changed all of a sudden.

“Poor Mum …,” Luke muttered.

Alex and Reggie nodded, each thinking of their own parents. Alex didn’t have the greatest relationship with his but still, thinking their son was dead was not a pain he’d wanted to inflict on them.

Well, they’d all known it would be a possibility. Going to Starfleet held an inherent risk, there was no denying that, and their parents had been aware of it. Still, they had probably never anticipated that their boys wouldn’t even finish the Academy!

The Academy! Alex groaned. “They’re sure to have added and changed tons of stuff in the curriculum! We’ll have to start basically from scratch when we return!”

Neither Luke nor Reggie looked very happy at the prospect.

“Well, I hope at least _some_ things are still the same,” Reggie exclaimed.

“Guys, come on. At least we’re still alive!” Luke had always been the one to motivate them, and he was doing his best now, too. Alex couldn’t help but think that he would make one hell of a captain one day.

That had always been Luke’s dream. Commandeering his own ship in the fleet, exploring space, meeting new species … all the adventures! Well, they definitely had had their first adventure _now_!

* * *

Once the others re-joined them, proper introductions were in order and Alex and the others found out that Flynn Michaels was actually going to attend Starfleet Academy. She’d hitched a ride with Willie, an independent freighter pilot and family friend, who would drop her off at Starbase 16, from where she would catch a connecting flight to Earth. Her best friend, Julie Molina, accompanied her as far as the base to say goodbye and would then return with Willie to their home planet, Ortega 5, once the courier had dispatched his latest cargo.

All in all, the two women would stay five days at the base before separating for what would no doubt be a long time.

“Julie was supposed to attend the Academy together with me.” There was clear disappointment in Flynn’s voice as she confided this to Alex and the others while Julie was out of the room. But there was also an underlying note of compassion that became understandable as she continued: “Her mom was captain of a science vessel but she died last year while out on a mission. Since then, Julie doesn’t want to have anything to do with the Federation and Starfleet anymore.”

“That’s rough.”

Luke was chewing on his bottom lip, leg bouncing up and down; a clear sign he wanted to say more. Alex could guess what it was. Luke was very passionate about Starfleet and Federation ideals. The thought that someone could willingly turn away from that wouldn’t sit right with him.

Flynn suddenly brightened up. “Maybe _you_ guys can convince her to go?”

“Uh, I’m not sure _we’re_ the best example of things going swell with Starfleet,” Reggie cautioned.

But Luke was nodding to himself, probably already composing one of his enthusiastic speeches on the topic. Well, it was something to do.

* * *

The flight to Starbase 16 would take about fifteen days and accommodations onboard the ship would be tight for the duration but Julie and Flynn immediately offered to share a cabin, which left the only other passenger cabin for Luke and Reggie. And Willie made space in his for Alex.

“No, that’s okay, I can sleep on the floor or in the med bay or something …”

But Willie waved all objections aside with a shrug.

“Sorry, buddy. Safety rules and regulations state that the med bay bed has to stay empty and ready for emergencies at all times.”

Damn the man for bringing safety regulations and medical emergencies into play! There was no way Alex could argue against _that_ as a medical officer in training! The last thing you needed in emergencies was tripping over somebody’s stuff in the med bay. Although he sincerely hoped that no medical emergencies would occur on this trip!

“I promise I won’t bite!” Willie added with a grin.

Alex struggled hard to keep his composure, managed a tight-lipped smile and a jerky sort of nod, before quickly turning back to his mates. Luke had raised his eyebrow, and Reggie had that knowing smirk on his face so he probably hadn’t been very successful in hiding how flustered he was.

Which proved to be true when, after Willie had returned to the bridge, Luke came up to Alex and offered to switch places with him, if he felt too uncomfortable sharing Willie’s cabin.

“I already said ‘yes!’ How would it look if we switched _now,_ ” he hissed, stressed out at pretty much everything.

Luke shrugged and rubbed Alex’s back in an attempt to calm him down. “You’ll be fine.”

“More than fine, I’d wager,” Reggie added with a suggestive wink that made Alex groan in despair.

His friends knew him too well! This would be torture!

* * *

But all in all, they counted themselves very lucky to have fallen in with Willie, Julie, and Flynn, all of whom seemed easy-going and welcoming.

Flynn immediately started pestering them about their experiences at the Academy—even though they were out of date by a quarter of a century! Julie mostly listened quietly.

“So, this has always been your dream?” She eventually asked of Luke.

“Yes! What else would you want to do when you can choose this?! There’s so much we don’t know yet, haven’t seen yet! All these species we haven’t encountered so far and their knowledge—why would you want to do anything else?”

“Well, you could do something that’s _safer_!”

“Sure, but what is safe? You can die anywhere.”

“I know _that_. But at least the probability is lower …”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you rather die doing something you believe in? Like bringing peace, and knowledge, and prosperity to everyone? Instead of dying doing something you don’t believe in, just because you were afraid?”

“So even though you just lost all your crewmates on the _Sunset Curve_ , you still think, it’s worth it?”

Luke nodded. “Some things _are_ worth dying for.”

Watching Julie’s face shut down, Alex decided this was a good moment to excuse himself from the discussion. The only problem was, there weren’t very many other places on this ship.

The _Phantom_ basically consisted of a large cargo hold and three small decks stuck to one side of it. There was the galley and eating area on the upper deck, along with the two passenger cabins, and the airlock, which would connect them to Starbase 16 once they arrived. The engine room, transporter, and the airlock to the cargo hold were situated on the lowest deck—the _Phantom_ was saving a lot of energy by not extending gravity and life support systems to the hold, which was the largest part of the ship after all. Sandwiched between the two decks, were the ship’s bridge—though it was basically just a flight cockpit—, the pilot’s cabin, and a small med bay.

Alex stuck his head into the latter and viewed the interior with professional interest. He was relieved to find that not only was it well-preserved and stocked but he also knew the function of almost everything in it or could at least puzzle it out. He was determined to acquaint himself with everything during this trip and maybe there was enough information in the ship’s database to get him a little bit up to speed with what had happened in the field of medical inventions in the last 25 years.

But for now … he hesitated before approaching the door to the bridge, knowing that Willie would be in there. But if he was to spend the nights sharing the guy’s cabin, it would probably be a good idea to get to know him a bit better before they found themselves alone in a bunk.


	3. Chapter 3

When Alex entered the bridge, Willie looked up with a smile. He was lounging in the pilot’s seat and motioned one hand towards the empty navigation station directly in front of Alex.

“That okay?” Alex jerked his head towards the chair, wanting to make sure he wasn’t intruding.

“Yes, of course. I like a bit of company!”

“Ok.” Alex nodded to himself and got into the navigator’s seat, careful not to touch anything on the console.

He looked around the small bridge, aware that Willie was studying him. It was a lot more colourful than any bridge Alex had ever visited in any Starfleet vessel. All the parts of the _Phantom_ he'd seen so far had a bit of a run-down but homey feeling to it. Painted walls and pictures and chairs with cushions instead of the ergonomically perfected versions they had had on the _Sunset Curve_. It was clear that this was Willie's home and that he'd tried his best to make it as comfortable as possible.

And were those toy dinosaurs on his pilot's console?

“You seem tense,” Willie remarked after a moment. “You holding up alright?”

Alex huffed out a small humourless laugh. “Yeah … trying to avoid the complete freak out, to be honest.”

Willie nodded in sympathy. “I can imagine.”

“It’s just … I was never much of a fan of transporters to begin with? I mean … they tingle! In weird places!”

Willie burst out laughing but it was good-natured and so Alex didn’t feel too bad about it. Plus, it was a very nice laugh.

“Luke says that’s all just in my head.” Alex shrugged. “But if that’s not a weird place I don’t know what is!”

Willie just smiled and Alex had to avert his eyes because the way Willie looked at him did not help to calm him down.

“And now … it’s just really hard to wrap my head around the fact that 25 years have passed! Because it really doesn’t feel that way. Like, just a few hours ago …”

But his time on the _Sunset Curve_ already felt much longer ago.

“And we’ve been in a goddamn _buffer_ all this time!”

His fingers started fidgeting with the hem of his uniform.

“I don’t know how Bobby managed it … but if something had gone wrong, if the energy had run out or the data gotten corrupted …“

Alex forced air into his lungs to stop himself from spiralling into a breakdown. He hugged himself, feeling cold despite the well-regulated atmosphere of the _Phantom_.

Suddenly, he felt something touch his leg and when he looked down, he saw the tip of Willie’s shoe gently nudge him.

“You’ll be okay,” the pilot said and Alex looked back up at him again.

“I should be able to handle this,” he mumbled.

He’d wanted to become a Starfleet officer so bad but if Luke hadn’t dragged them to the admission tests, he might never have found the courage to actually apply. He wasn’t sure he was really cut out for it, and his reaction to his current situation just seemed to prove it.

“From what I can see, you handle this crazy thing pretty well.”

Alex snorted. "That's just because you can't see all the crazy going on inside my head right now!" He pointed to his temple and then ran his fingers through his hair.

Willie got up and turned around towards the empty console behind him, wedged into the corner of the L-shaped bridge. Alex guessed it was probably an engineering station that was apparently never used, judging from the debris that had accumulated on its surface. Willie redistributed some of the stuff and returned to Alex with a blanket of all things. A colourful, knitted blanket!

"It's not finished yet but you look like you could use some warmth." The pilot indicated the needles still dangling from one edge of the blanket, which Alex hadn't noticed before, and the ball of yarn he held in one hand.

Surprised, Alex accepted the blanket and appendages, careful not to unravel the whole thing.

"You knit?"

Willie shrugged. "Passes the time _and_ I get useful blankets or jumpers out of it, so a win-win situation!" He directed another dazzling smile at Alex, who decided to occupy himself with draping the blanket over his legs and chest instead of thinking too much about how he was definitely going crazy. Yes, Willie was very attractive, but Alex was no hormonal teenager anymore and shouldn't feel all these nervous ants crawling through his insides every time the man smiled at him! It was just the shock. Had to be!

By the time Alex had arranged the blanket, Willie had thankfully returned to his own seat though the smile was still firmly in place.

"It suits you."

Alex smiled gratefully back at him, already feeling warmer and calmer. "Thank you. For this and ... you know, everything."

Willie shrugged again. "Sure. No problem!"

Alex looked towards the bridge's screen, watching the stars streak past them. They had returned to warp and were now heading straight for Starbase 16—no more scenic detours! Alex wasn't sure he wanted to arrive there. For now, everything that had happened still seemed so unreal that his brain couldn't really process it but once they returned to Starfleet, once they returned to Earth and the Academy at San Francisco, once they could contact all the people who had thought them dead—there would be no more doubt then that they had really missed out on 25 years, stuck in a transporter buffer.

* * *

Alex and Willie had been talking quietly about a lot of things, none of them too personal, for a while when Alex heard the tell-tale whoosh of the automatic door in his back and craned his neck to see Luke entering the bridge.

When his friend spotted the blanket on Alex's lap, he raised his eyebrow and grinned. "Well, this looks cosy!"

"Willie knits," Alex explained, and his fingers tugged the blanket closer, as if afraid that Luke would want to take it from him.

Luke’s grin widened, no doubt picking up on Alex’s proprietary fabric clutching, before he turned towards Willie. “That’s a handy skill!”

“It passes the time,” Willie explained again. “It’s rare that I have passengers on board—or stranded Starfleet rescuees,” he winked at them, “and most of my runs are pretty smooth, so not much call for getting out of auto-pilot.”

Luke nodded, grinning back at the handsome pilot, and Alex carefully stomped on the jealousy rearing its ugly head inside of him. If Luke and Willie flirted, it at least meant that any flirtatious looks Willie might cast his way didn’t really mean anything but were just the way he apparently interacted with people. Charm as default.

So, unless he made a complete fool of himself, he should be safe.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, aware that his voice sounded slightly annoyed. “Did you piss off Julie completely and are seeking refuge?” He shook his hair out of his face and attached a lopsided smile, so Luke wouldn’t be offended.

“Oh, Julie’s a firecracker, I’d be careful there,” Willie advised.

“Yeah ... uh, I noticed that. But no, for now we’ve agreed to disagree. I actually came to fetch you two for lunch.” Luke pointed at them, before adding for Alex’s benefit: “Apparently it’s lunch time now.”

Alex frowned, trying to remember what time it had been when the sirens had started wailing. Early evening? No wonder his body was tired, what with all the stress and an apparently _really_ long day behind him. Well, hopefully that meant that he’d actually manage to fall asleep when it was time for bed.

Alex was loth to leave the blanket behind but decided that Luke seeing him with it was bad enough. He didn’t need Reggie’s ribbing as well, or, potentially, the girls’. He folded it with great care and laid it on his vacated seat; and found Willie smiling at him when he straightened up again. Alex stiffened and hurried after Luke towards the lift, which was thankfully big enough to hold all three of them without reducing them to sardines in a can. And no, he was not hiding behind Luke, thank you very much!

* * *

Once they had all settled around the table with their plates, Reggie raised his cup—apparently, there were no glasses on the _Phantom_ —and silence fell among them.

“I’d like to make a toast.” Reggie pressed his lips together for a moment, gathering himself. “To Bobby, who saved us. Wherever you are now, buddy, I hope you’re okay. We’ll make sure everybody knows you died a hero!”

Alex and the others lifted their cups as well.

“And to Julie,” Luke said with a smile in her direction. “Because without her, we would still be stuck in a buffer.”

Alex shuddered and raised his cup higher.

“And to the crew of the _Sunset Curve_ ,” he added softly, trying to remember as many names and faces as he could, but already feeling them slipping away.

They drank and everybody was lost in his or her own thoughts for a moment.

“We’re just really grateful you guys came along and picked us up,” Reggie said, looking at Julie, Flynn, and Willie in turn.

“And are giving us _food_!”

Alex rolled his eyes as he watched Luke stuff his face enthusiastically but Willie and the girls seemed amused rather than disgusted, so it was probably okay.

Once he started eating, Alex realised that he was pretty hungry, too, and the doctor in him agreed that food was just what his body needed now.

Food and sleep though Alex pushed _that_ thought far away from him for the moment. He caught Willie glancing at him and smiling before digging into his own food.

 _It’s just the shock. I’m not having a crush on Willie_ , Alex reminded himself even though his own medical opinion stubbornly contradicted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know. We're _still_ not at the bunk sharing. What can I say, Alex gets anxious and enters random scenes to avoid the inevitable. Also, did I know that Willie knits? No, I did not. I didn't even know he was gonna hand him a blanket! Honestly, these characters just do what they like ... 
> 
> More shenanigans coming up in the next chapter though my headstart is melting rapidly so I don't know if I can keep the posting pace up. We'll see how much Alex will struggle tomorrow ...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This delay in chapter update has been brought to you by my very concerned Internet deciding to spare me the election/Destiel/Putin/general mayham by just not working anymore. Thanks, Internet.
> 
> The next chapter update delay will be brought to you by 'Yeoyou writes like a snail,' so I really hope you like this chapter with all these super juicy scenes and it'll feed you for a while until I cobble together the next one (but I swear, I'm working on it).
> 
> AT LEAST WE FINALLY GOT TO THE BUNK-SHARING! (and there will be lots more)

After lunch, Willie returned to the bridge, even though Alex wasn’t sure what he was actually doing there with the _Phantom_ being in auto-pilot—apart from knitting, apparently. He felt the urge to follow him but squashed it resolutely down.

Instead, he decided to spend some time in the med bay. It would be useful to know his way around in the event of anything unpredictable happening on the trip after all. And if nothing did, he’d still be able to take his mind off other things by concentrating on his studies.

On closer inspection, the med bay’s computer interface proved only marginally helpful as to what he had missed out on during his involuntary stay as a transporter matrix. With his luck, the data was probably 25 years old! Alex wished he had access to a Starfleet database that was sure to be more up to date but he knew he’d have to wait till Starbase 16 for that.

Still, he’d make the best of what he could.

* * *

“You seem to feel pretty at home already!”

Willie’s voice startled Alex out of the medicine cabinet he’d been inspecting and he felt heat rise to his cheeks. The pilot was leaning in the doorway, looking relaxed—and handsome—as always.

“Sorry, I should probably have asked if this is okay …” Alex nervously pushed his hair out of his face and laughed, “… before rummaging through your personal stuff.”

Willie’s eyebrows rose in amusement.

“I wouldn’t really call my stash of band-aids personal …”

Alex looked down at the box he was holding in his hand, which turned out to be, indeed, band-aids.

“I … anyway, I’m still sorry. Professional curiosity got the better of me.”

“You’re a part of Starfleet’s medical branch then?”

“Yeah … or, you know, at least aspiring to be.”

“That’s awesome!” Willie’s face lit up. “Hey, that means you can probably help me with this!”

He stepped into the med bay and started pulling his shirt off, to Alex’s surprise and increased panic. He didn’t know what Willie was doing to keep in such good shape but it was obviously not just lounging in his pilot’s chair!

Willie turned his back to him, looking at Alex over his shoulder, and Alex’s gaze was immediately drawn to the sloppily applied medi-plaster covering half of Willie’s left shoulder blade.

“What the hell did you do there?” He placed the box of band-aids aside and took two quick steps forward, fingers already itching to remove the plaster.

Willie shrugged. “I’m a little prone to accidents and normally I’m fine dealing with them myself but this spot is just hard to reach.”

Alex glanced at him. “Can I—,“ he pointed at the plaster and Willie nodded.

Carefully, Alex worked his fingers under the edges and peeled it off Willie’s skin, sucking in air as he saw the wound beneath.

“Dude, this needed stitches like _last week_!”

“I see you’ve got your reproachful bedside manner all down.”

Alex gave Willie a dirty look and then turned away to find the utensils he’d need to deal with _that_ mess.

“Things usually grow back together as they should but I would have looked up a doctor on Starbase 16 if they didn’t.”

“We won’t reach that for another two weeks! Why didn’t you let the girls patch you up?”

Willie shrugged again. “Didn’t seem important enough and I didn’t want to bother them. Besides, I don’t even know if they can sew!”

“Not important enough,” Alex muttered and tutted. “Okay, sit down.”

Willie looked around at the utter lack of chairs and finally hopped onto the bed, crossing his legs under him and facing the window, streaks of starlight painting stripes over his face.

“Good thing we have an empty med bed, huh?” he quipped over his shoulder.

Alex hummed in affirmation but was too distracted loading a hypospray with a numbing agent to really listen.

“Okay so this will be more of a quick and dirty temporary fix. Obviously, I could do a full skin graft in a Starfleet medical facility but this will have to do for now.”

“I’m fine with quick and dirty.” Willie grinned at Alex, shrugging.

“Stop moving,” Alex complained and grabbed Willie’s head to turn it back facing forwards, brushing his long hair over his shoulders so it wouldn’t get in the way.

He heard Willie chuckle low in his throat. “You’re the doctor,” he murmured.

“Exactly.”

Alex assembled his instruments and went to work.

* * *

When Alex had finished, he surveyed the freshly cleaned and stitched wound with satisfaction before applying a new medi-plaster, carefully smoothing down the edges.

“Alright, that’s much better, if not perfect,” he declared and took a step back so Willie could turn around and slide off the bed.

“Thanks, man! It already feels much better!” His patient smiled at him and grabbed for his shirt, which somehow reminded Alex that Willie wasn’t currently wearing it.

Alex cleared his throat and busied himself with packing everything away again so he wouldn’t stare at Willie.

“Well, I’m glad.” He glanced over at the, thankfully, once more fully clothed pilot. “You really should be more careful. I mean, you said it yourself, you don’t often have passengers so if you’re all alone out here …” Alex didn’t even want to contemplate the thought. There were so many things that could go wrong on a spaceship.

“Yeah … a doctor on board would come in handy, I guess. You know any good ones?”

“I do but they’d all be pretty old by now …” Alex frowned.

Willie tilted his head with a smile.

“Well, if you don’t make it at the Academy, I’m sure—”

“Don’t even joke about that!” Alex groaned. “I don’t know what I would do then! Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl! If I didn’t make it but Luke and Reggie and—”

His voice caught on the name. They would never know if Bobby would have made it. They would never graduate together.

He leaned heavily against the bed, fingers digging into the soft foamy surface.

“You wanna know something that always makes me feel better?”

Alex looked up into Willie’s face, nodding. He’d take anything. Well, almost anything.

Willie grinned and grabbed his hand. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

He dragged Alex out of the med bay and in the direction of the bridge though he didn’t enter it. Instead, he headed for the emergency ladder set into the portside hull. Alex looked sceptically at him but Willie just jerked his head, indicating he should follow him, and started climbing down to the engine deck, the injured shoulder apparently not bothering him much.

Alex could hear Willie sliding down most of the way, and was suddenly no more surprised that the pilot was ‘a little prone to accidents.’ Alex opted for a more cautious approach, using the rungs of the ladder for their intended purpose. He flushed a little upon realising that Willie had been watching him but had no time to get tangled in the thought before Willie motioned him further into the room.

“Okay, so, whenever I feel upset? I come down here to scream.”

Alex blinked.

“Technically, the cargo hold is the biggest room but there’s no air, so … this has the best acoustics or something? I don’t know, it’s just more satisfying than screaming in any of the other rooms. And, don’t tell anyone, but I feel closer to my little space turtle in here.”

“Space turtle?”

“Well … let’s face it, _Phantom_ is a bit of a pretentious name for this old lady. Wasn’t my idea. I think she looks like a turtle, so …”

Willie patted the engine’s casing affectionately and shrugged, then beamed at Alex, wiggling his eyebrows.

“So, you ready?”

Alex chewed his lip. Did he really expect him to just … scream?

Seeing him hesitate, Willie sucked in air and yelled at him. Alex blinked again and took an involuntary step back.

“Now you!”

Alex opened his mouth, hesitated again, and then let out a sound that was probably more of a questioning yelp than a scream.

Willie doubled up, laughing.

“No, man, you gotta put your heart into it! Come on!”

Willie yelled again, and this time, Alex screamed back. To the pilot’s great delight.

Well, this day couldn’t get any stranger so back and forth screaming seemed as good a plan as any.

And slowly, Alex was getting into the spirit of things. Willie grabbed two fistfuls of Alex’s uniform shirt and they were just all out screaming into each other’s faces but yeah, this felt pretty good.

Alex was a little out of breath when they finally stopped, a grin stretching his lips wide, heart pumping beneath his chest.

Willie let go of his shirt, patted his shoulder, and took a step back, looking satisfied and blowing a few wayward strands of hair out of his face.

“You feeling better now?”

Alex nodded, still grinning. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

* * *

Willie returned to the bridge via the emergency ladder while Alex chose the lift to rejoin the others on the upper deck. The ride wasn’t very long, and he barely had time to sort out everything that had happened before the doors opened and he passed between the passenger cabins—situated to either side of the lift—towards the communal space where Reggie and Luke were sitting at the table with the girls, apparently deeply invested in some sort of ancient board game.

Luke looked up and raised his eyebrows. “Where have _you_ been?”

“Just … you know, checking out the med bay.” _And screaming with Willie in the engine room._

Reggie and Luke both narrowed their eyes. He’d never been very good at hiding things from them and also, he still felt buzzed from the screaming session, which they probably picked up on.

Reggie smirked. “Found anything good in the medicine cabinet?”

Alex frowned in indignation.

“C’mon, Reg, you know I would never …” He cast an anxious glance towards Julie and Flynn, afraid they might think he’d raid their friend’s drugs.

But the girls just smiled at him.

“So …,” Alex began to get over the awkward pause, “what are you guys playing?”

Reggie waved him over to the seat next to him.

“Snakes and Ladders. You can join in the next round, if you want.”

* * *

Alex couldn’t remember the last time he’d spent an afternoon playing board games. Probably, because he never had. Five was an uneven number but they made it work, and hearing Reggie and Luke laugh and banter with Flynn and Julie as if they’d known each other forever was surprisingly calming.

Willie joined them some hours later but when they invited him to play with them, he waved the offer away.

“No, I think this occasion calls for a home cooked meal rather than something from the replicator.”

“You cook?” Reggie looked up, impressed.

“Yeah, but it’s more fun when there are people besides yourself to eat it.”

Willie grinned and shrugged, before turning towards the galley.

“You need any help?” Luke called out over his shoulder but the look he gave Alex spoke volumes about who he thought should volunteer in case help was accepted.

It wasn’t. And Alex wasn’t sure he was glad about that or not.

The meal, in any case, turned out to be scrumptious and they all dug in enthusiastically. Since Alex and Willie had been the last to the table, they ended up on opposite ends of it, and Alex tried very hard not to steal glances at their pilot and chef every second, instead concentrating on Luke on his left and Julie on his right. Though, as it turned out, those two were mainly concentrating on each other.

Alex really hoped things wouldn’t turn awkward at some point. Luke would charm a brick wall if it were in his way but two weeks on a very small ship could turn very long if he managed to tangle himself up in anything with Julie, who seemed very nice but also very temperamental if the occasion called for it.

* * *

After dinner, they all helped clean up and started to play cards but soon enough Luke, Reggie, and Alex were all yawning. Even the adrenaline of this most bizarre of days couldn’t keep them up much longer and so nobody was very surprised when Luke and Reggie announced they’d go to bed. Julie and Flynn followed, giggling about “this is basically like a sleep-over!” and Alex was fairly certain they’d be up for a while yet. Which just left Willie and him.

Leaving the others behind on the upper deck, Alex and Willie took the lift down to _their_ cabin. Thankfully, it was a very short ride. After the doors opened, Alex cast a longing look towards the med bay on the left, thinking of the soft foamy bed. Instead, they headed towards the cabin opposite. Willie preceded him but when the door opened, he invited Alex to enter first with a flourish of his arm.

All in all, the cabin wasn’t very large. There was only one bed, as presumed, set against the starboard hull. But at least it wasn’t a single: it fitted two people easily—if those people really liked each other. With the abundance of pillows and blankets, it looked comfy and also really personal.

Alex wrenched his gaze away, surveying the rest of the room. In the wall at the foot of the bed, a door presumably led to a small bathroom. Wedged between that door and the entrance was a small desk with a computer interface and a chair. The wall opposite to the bathroom and to the left of the entrance was entirely filled with cabinets and shelves. Every square inch screamed that this was somebody’s home and thus couldn’t have been further from the impersonal Starfleet quarters Alex was used to.

“It’s not much but I hope it will be okay,” came Willie’s slightly bemused voice from behind him and, with a start, Alex realised he was blocking the pilot’s way into the room.

“Yes. Sure, of course!” Alex took two hurried steps forward, hearing the tell-tale whoosh of the automatic door closing behind him, sealing him in with Willie.

Alex cleared his throat. “Thank you, again. Though really, if you just lend me some of those blankets, I’m sure I could sleep on the floor of Luke’s and Reggie’s cabin comfortably enough!”

Willie snorted. “For two weeks? Nah …” He studied him. “Do you snore?”

“I … don’t think so.”

“Then we’ll be fine. There’s enough space, and I’ll even let you have the window.”

It was a nice offer but also meant Alex would be caught between the hull and the handsome man.

“No, that’s alright—“

“I insist.”

“Okay, guess that leaves me no choice …”

Willie grinned. “None!” He went over to the cabinet wall, looking over his shoulder. “Do you need a pyjama or something or are you an ‘underwear only’ sleeper?”

Alex hoped his face felt warmer than it was. “A t-shirt would be nice.”

Willie nodded and turned back towards the cabinets, opening one of the doors and rummaging inside for a bit before resurfacing with a pale blue shirt, a towel, and a toothbrush.

“Here.” Willie pressed the articles into Alex’s hands and motioned towards the bathroom. “You go ahead.”

Alex nodded gratefully and retreated to the bathroom, taking several deep breaths to steady himself before feeling prepared to remove any clothes. He tried to hurry, both because it would be rude to let Willie wait for too long and because he knew his nerves would just get worse if he let himself think too much.

Re-entering the cabin in just his briefs, socks, and the borrowed shirt, he found Willie stripped to the waist in the middle of some stretches.

Alex gulped, then frowned. “Don’t pull those stitches!”

Willie stopped and his gaze travelled over Alex who fervently wished the shirt was a bit longer, nervously kneading the carefully folded uniform in his hands.

“It suits you,” his host said with a grin. “Light blue was never really my colour.”

“Uhm …”

“So, you’re finished in there?”

Willie pointed his chin in the direction of the bathroom and Alex nodded. He turned to the side to let Willie pass him and took a relieved breath when the door closed behind the pilot.

He put down his uniform on the chair and turned towards the bed, steeling himself.

_I can do this._

He crawled under the blankets towards the far end, settling on his left side. Whoever had designed the _Phantom_ had placed the window low enough that Alex could look at the streaks of stars passing by at warp speed.

Despite his nerves, he felt some of the tension leave him. He splayed his fingers against the starlight, expecting the surface to feel cool under his skin but of course the insulation was too good for that.

“Quite the view, huh?”

Alex retracted his hand and glanced over his shoulder. Willie had returned from the bathroom wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Alex could only nod.

Willie seemed unconcerned with his state of undress or the fact that there was a man lying in his bed whom he’d only met that very day.

Alex wrenched his gaze away, focusing back on the stars.

“Yeah, they’re really beautiful.”

The bed dipped slightly as Willie got in next to him and Alex tried to keep his breathing even, remaining absolutely still during the rustling and shifting while Willie was getting comfortable.

“Computer, lights out.” Darkness filled the small room. Willie punched his cushion into shape and settled down, facing away from Alex. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Alex replied softly, watching the stars and listening to Willie’s breathing evening out.

It took him a long while to fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to things being slow at work and because [Black_Dwarf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Dwarf/profile) did her dishes as promised, here's chapter 5!

When Alex woke, he felt disoriented, his mouth was parched, and it took him a moment to piece the puzzle of his memory back together again while struggling out of several blankets. The _Sunset Curve_ , the alarm, Bobby, the _Phantom_ , Willie.

He looked over his shoulder but the bed next to him was empty, no sign of the pilot anywhere.

Once freed of the blankets, Alex rolled over, swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and set up groggily, running fingers through his messy hair. He snatched his uniform from the chair and tottered into the bathroom, hoping that a shower would help him wake up completely. Also, he’d have to have a talk with Willie later about replicating some new clothes and recycling his underwear.

He felt slightly better by the time he got out of the lift on the upper deck. Julie was sitting at the table, a mug of coffee that smelled tantalising in one hand, head bowed low over a datapad.

“Morning.”

Upon hearing Alex’s voice, she looked up and smiled at him.

“Hey. Morning to you, too. You look like you could use some coffee.”

“God, yes,” Alex groaned and followed her pointing finger towards the thermos sitting on the galley’s countertop.

After almost burning his lips on that first delicious sip, he walked over to the replicator, scrolling through the breakfast options before settling on blueberry pancakes. Replicators never got them right but Alex didn’t care. This morning called for caffeine and sugar.

Julie nodded appreciatively as he settled down across from her with his plate.

“So, where is everyone?”

Julie shrugged. “Flynn and Reggie are still asleep. Willie’s on the bridge and Luke’s there with him, talking piloty stuff, I guess.”

Alex suddenly found it hard to swallow down his forkful of pancakes. Of course, Luke and Willie had a lot in common. Piloty stuff, being gorgeous, flirting with anything that moved, …

“Uhm …” he cast around in his brain for anything to say before realising that there was one thing he had meant to say to Julie anyway. “Flynn told us about your Mum yesterday. I just wanted to say how sorry I am.”

Julie frowned slightly and bit her lip but when she looked up at him, she smiled with real gratitude. “Thanks, Alex. I’m really sorry for what happened to you guys, too … and to your crew.”

He nodded and smiled tentatively back at her, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach that had opened up at the thought of Bobby and the others.

Was it any wonder that Julie had changed her mind about joining Starfleet?

“Luke can sometimes be a bit … enthusiastic, so … don’t let him bother you too much, okay? And if he gets too annoying, just tell me and I’ll smack him over the head. He needs that sometimes.”

She laughed at that.

“Thanks! I’m not afraid of doing some smacking myself but … I do appreciate the offer!”

Alex grinned and dove back into his pancakes that tasted a bit like sawdust, but sugary sawdust so he didn’t mind too much right now. He even detected a hint of blueberry flavour if he concentrated.

“So … what are you reading?” he asked in-between bites.

Julie looked back at her pad, frowning again.

“It’s the _Sunset Curve_ ’s flight data. I’m trying to figure out what happened to it but there’s chunks missing.”

Alex sipped on his coffee, needing its warmth to dispel the cold suddenly running through his veins.

“Luke was helping me before he absconded to better company.”

Alex almost choked on his next sip and hastily put the beverage down again.

Julie glanced up at him.

“Sorry.”

“What? No. Why?”

Julie pushed the pad aside, laced her fingers together, and rested her chin on them, looking at him with a mischievous smile.

“You really like Willie, don’t you?”

Thankfully, Alex did not currently have any coffee or pancake to choke on.

“I, uhm … well, I’ve only just met him. But he’s nice so of course I like him!” He half-shrugged, laughing, but he could tell he wasn’t being very subtle about his little crush.

Julie’s smile widened into a full-blown grin.

“I’d say your secret’s safe with me but it’s not much of a secret, I’m afraid.”

Alex hung his head, gently blowing over his coffee, even though it wasn’t really that hot anymore. So everybody knew. Which meant Willie probably knew, too.

“Hey, it’s okay. I think he really likes you, too!”

Alex scoffed, fiddling with the fork in his fingers.

“Hey, guys!”

Alex had never been happier to see Reggie! He smiled at him, glad to be able to focus on something other than this conversation.

“Hey, Reg. Slept well?”

“Oh, how I missed being able to sleep in!” Reggie rolled his eyes upwards with a contented sigh, which made Alex laugh.

“Well, you better enjoy it while it lasts, buddy! Once we’re back at the Academy _that_ will be sure to have an end!”

This time, Reggie’s eye-roll and sigh were decidedly less pleased. Then he perked up.

“How did _you_ sleep?”

“Oh, not you, too,” Alex complained.

Julie burst into a fit of giggles.

* * *

It was a while before Flynn stumbled out of the portside cabin moaning “coffee” and slumping into a chair next to Alex at the table, clutching her newly acquired coffee mug in both hands like it was a holy relic. Clearly, she wasn’t an early riser. She’d have fun at the Academy!

Julie had been showing Alex and Reggie the data on her pad but since Alex was a medic and Reggie a xenolinguist communications expert, neither of them was much help.

The two people on board the _Phantom_ that could have been more helpful arrived shortly after Flynn, also in pursuit of coffee. They were grinning about some shared joke and had obviously had a great time together.

Alex buried his face in his almost empty mug and just nodded when Luke and Willie wished the stragglers a good morning.

He felt his heart flutter at the sight of Willie—who, unsurprisingly, had not turned any less handsome overnight. But at least this time he was prepared and he thought he handled not making a fool out himself quite well. Maybe this infatuation would be short-lived, and was only caused by their extraordinary circumstances and Alex’s disorientation.

Having survived one night in Willie’s bed, he felt readier for the following nights.

* * *

Alex avoided being alone with Willie that day, instead hanging around the others. After the previous day, he needed some well-calculated distance if he wanted to keep his heart during this journey. He remained friendly and open, of course, anything else would have been impolite and ungrateful and he wanted to be neither of that. He just made sure that there was always someone else around and that he didn’t get drawn into one-on-one conversations—or impromptu screaming sessions.

He was sure the others noticed but while he half feared that especially Reggie and Luke, but possibly also Flynn and Julie, might sabotage his efforts, they all seemed to respect his decision, further helping him to calm down somewhat and to adjust to their new situation.

Things might have been different if Alex wasn’t so absolutely sure that nothing could come out of this. Another fourteen days and Willie would deliver them all to Starbase 16 before vanishing out of their lives forever. So even if, by some miracle, Willie might actually be interested in him, as Julie seemed to believe, Alex just wasn’t good with casual hook-ups and knew he wouldn’t get out of this unscathed.

Hence operation minimising contact and guarding his heart.

* * *

He felt good about himself and his progress for exactly two days. On his third morning onboard the _Phantom_ , Alex woke up to an arm slung across his waist, Willie’s face smudged against his neck, and his heart took a free-fall.

He froze, blood rushing all too fast through his body, and he had to remind himself to breathe. He worried he might wake Willie up but the pilot gave no indication of stirring, instead remaining comfortably cuddled up to Alex.

After the initial panic and shock abated, Alex, to his great dismay, found that he really enjoyed being so close to Willie. Not that that was a surprise but he had really hoped that his crush was getting better or that he was getting the better of his crush. Apparently, neither was true.

Well, he might as well enjoy it while it lasted since he wasn’t going to get out of this bed without waking Willie and alerting him to the situation. Which was a scene he was very anxious to avoid.

Slowly, Alex managed to relax again, watching the stars, and soaking up the warmth from the body next to his. It had been quite a while since he’d been held like this. He and the guys weren’t exactly shy about showing affection physically, so he couldn’t say he was touch-starved per se, but a genuine hug? Being held? Feeling your whole body dissolve because you knew you were safe? He wasn’t sure when that had last happened.

And it was not a good thing that it was happening now!

He was eroding, walls crumbling, and all he wanted to do was roll over and bury his face in Willie’s neck, holding him close. It didn’t matter that his inner medic told him that this was a perfectly natural reaction to everything that had happened, he fought tooth and nail against it. He would _not_ become a blubbering mess just because Willie had unconsciously cuddled up to him!

He should probably ask Luke or Reggie for a proper hug when the moment offered itself but he knew he wouldn’t. Of course, it was possible that they needed a hug as badly as he apparently did but knowing them, they were probably cuddling while sleeping anyway, overgrown puppies that they were.

Alex tried calming himself down with deep breaths, channelling all his pent-up anxiety into his feet, curling and uncurling his toes, rubbing them together, so the rest of his body could stay still. Praying Willie would wake soon, and yet hoping he wouldn’t.

When Willie eventually did, he announced it by fingers twitching against Alex’s shirt. Alex stilled immediately, and then willed his body to relax, to breathe deep and evenly, to keep his mouth slack and slightly open. It had been a while since he needed his ‘pretend to be asleep’ skills but he was glad they were still there.

He felt Willie humming against his neck before the pilot froze momentarily, probably because he had realised the state of cuddling they had entered without either of them being aware of it. There was a soft sound that might have been a chuckle and then Willie leaned away from him and carefully extracted his arm before rolling off to the side and getting out of bed.

Alex immediately missed his presence.

He remained in his pretended sleep while Willie was in the bathroom, and only allowed himself to sigh once the pilot had left the cabin.

Then, he rolled onto his back, opened his eyes, and mumbled: “Fuck!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's short and you're totally spoiled by the awesomeness that was the last chapter but I hope you still liked this anyway ;D
> 
> Chapter 6 is nearly done so expect that soonish...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo ... this is a bit of a rollercoaster, aka things are finally catching up to Alex. But, if you're not grinning like an idiot at the end of this and throwing your phones or keyboards or whatever at me in exasperation, I may have done something wrong ;P

Alex felt jumpy and disconnected all morning. When the others picked up on his mood, he explained his state with “bad dreams” and retreated into the med bay. The room was uncomfortably close to the bridge and therefore Willie but it was the only one where he could be alone, except for the engine room.

He settled down on the narrow bed—wishing there were some comfy blankets here as well—with a borrowed data pad that he had loaded with whatever medical history he could find in the ship’s computer. Now, if only he could concentrate on the text!

After about an hour of repeatedly reading the same lines without gathering any information from them whatsoever, he put the pad away with a sigh and curled up on his side. He only realised that he’d fallen asleep when he woke up again with a start.

“Oh, hey, I didn’t mean to disturb you!”

Willie was hovering in the doorway.

Alex blinked blearily.

“No, I’m … sorry," he replied, the words slurred, and hastily sat up. Which his head immediately complained about.

“You okay?”

Willie seemed genuinely worried, which woke up a whole swarm of butterflies in Alex’s stomach, only they turned out to be carnivorous and started gnawing on his insides. Which was not helping Alex’s mood.

“Yeah,” he answered after a pause that was much too long and in a voice that flatly declared the opposite.

“Do you need another screaming session?”

“No, I …” Alex raked his fingers through his hair, rubbing the skull beneath, hoping to dispel the fog in his mind. He sighed. _Fuck it._ “Ok. You know what? Yeah, I think that would be nice.”

There was a tiny, hopeful smile on Willie’s lips.

* * *

Thankfully, Willie seemed to intuit that Alex wasn’t up to any ladder climbing, limbs heavy from sleep and exhaustion, so they took the lift.

Alex still wasn’t fully awake or he might have thought better of it. He just knew he had to do _something_ and since running away wasn’t exactly an option, screaming seemed to be a valid Plan B. When they arrived at the heart of the ‘space turtle,’ Willie looked at him expectantly.

Alex hesitated for a second, then he closed his eyes. And screamed.

It didn’t seem to ever end, rage and grief and confusion and anxiety pouring out of him in one continued note of anguish, leaving his throat raw as if the sound was pure fire, torching everything inside of him until he was empty and hollow. And there was silence.

He didn’t know how much time passed before he heard Willie’s voice: “Yeah, you definitely needed that.”

He spoke softly, compassionately, and Alex slowly opened his eyes, unclenched his fists, and just stared at him. There was something he needed but all sounds had washed out of him, leaving him without words to think or ask.

Willie seemed to get it anyway. He closed the distance between them and drew Alex into a tight embrace, holding him. And Alex broke.

A tiny part of his brain realised that this was exactly what he had tried to avoid but the rest drowned in the emotions swirling around him, tugging him deeper. He clung to Willie with a desperation he couldn’t quite understand, sobs racking his body, face pressed into Willie’s shoulder. And Willie just held him closer.

Again, the passage of time was vague and meandering, Alex just knew that a lot of it must have slipped by while he cried himself dry on Willie’s shoulder. He held on for a selfish moment longer before taking a step back, breaking out of the embrace.

He couldn’t meet Willie’s eyes, just stared at his boots, hands once more balled into fists by his side after a few hasty swipes over his cheeks and eyes.

“Sorry about that …” His voice was hoarse.

“It’s okay.”

Alex just ducked his head further. The emotional intensity of it might have dissipated with the screaming and the crying, but his anxiety was still there.

“Hey …” Willie tilted his head until he could catch Alex’s gaze and then squeezed his arm. “It’s okay.”

“Thank you,” Alex mumbled, still having trouble with the eye-contact but at least trying it. “Guess I needed that …”

Willie smiled. “Hugs are always a good idea.”

Alex managed to tug one corner of his mouth upwards, and nodded.

“And now you need something to drink. And food!”

A huff of laughter escaped Alex’s lips.

“Who’s the doctor now?” he mumbled but this time, he succeeded at an actual smile.

* * *

“What the hell have you done wit Alex?”

Luke jumped up from his chair when Willie and Alex stepped out of the lift, and hurried towards them.

Reggie, too, got up with concern written all over his face. “Hey man, you okay?”

Alex sighed. Apparently, he looked exactly as shitty as he felt.

“I’m fine, guys,” he tried to reassure them but soon they were both hovering anxiously around him like overgrown bees, and he loved them for it.

“Define ‘fine!’”

“Oh God, oh God, I really need a glass of water and a sandwich?”

Luke laughed and patted his shoulder. “Well, that can be arranged.”

Alex let Reggie lead him towards an empty chair while Luke dashed off to get the drink and food. He rolled his eyes about their fussing, but smiled, too.

He was vaguely aware of Julie and Flynn watching him, and Willie leaning against the wall with a smile on his face, watching him, too, and he tried not to squirm under all these eyes focused on him. He’d never liked being the centre of attention and in his current state, it was especially unnerving but he tried to tell himself that he should be grateful for people being concerned about him. Plus, he really did need that water and sandwich.

“Here you go.”

Luke set down the mug and plate, then plopped into the chair next to him and laid his arm on Alex’s shoulder.

“You know I’m just gonna choke on this with everybody staring at me, right?”

Alex turned his head and met Luke’s worried puppy eyes just inches from his face. He raised his eyebrows until Luke laughed and backed off.

Willie cleared his throat. “Uh … Julie? Flynn? You wanna keep me company on the bridge?”

Julie nodded, while Flynn hesitated. She clearly wanted to know what was up with Alex, but Julie dragged her with them, and Alex breathed a little easier when it was just him, Luke, and Reggie.

“So, what’s up?”

Reggie had sat down opposite from Alex, frowning at him.

Alex took a bite from his sandwich, chewing slowly. He could already feel his body lapping up the sustenance. Screaming and crying were exhausting business! Swallowing some of the water to wash the sandwich down, he looked from Reggie to Luke and then down onto his hands.

“I … I guess I kind of lost it,” he confessed.

Luke started rubbing his back.

“It’s just … it’s so much, you know?” Alex looked at his friends again. “And I really miss Bobby.”

They were both nodding, grief painting shadows over their faces.

Reggie smiled sadly. “We were talking about him yesterday night. Remember how he tried to chat up that Vulcan attaché and it was just the most awkward and hilarious thing ever?”

Alex snorted. Their friend had had some interesting ideas about flirting, all right!

“I’m glad you two talked about him.”

“Yeah, but we should have done it _with_ you!” Luke let his hand drop and bumped his shoulder instead.

“Yeah,” Reggie agreed. “We’re really sorry … all of this must be even harder for you—”

“—with your little crush on top of everything else—”

“—and not having your own cabin or sharing with us!”

Alex just nodded.

“Yeah, it sucks. Well, parts of it do.”

“So, you _do_ have a crush on Willie, huh?” Luke was grinning at him now.

Alex shrugged, half-smiling.

“Well … _maybe_.”

“’Maybe’ my ass!” Reggie declared and boxed his arm playfully across the table.

* * *

It was a good afternoon. Luke, Reggie, and Alex talked memories and laughed a lot, which was exactly what Alex had needed.

They eventually relocated to Luke and Reggie’s cabin so the others could leave the cramped bridge and use the communal space without fear of interrupting them. Being an exact copy of Willie’s cabin, Luke and Reggie’s didn’t offer much room, but they’d had less space at the Academy and had always made it work. They ended up piled on the bed, Luke and Alex on either end and Reggie sprawled over their legs in the middle—in the best position to smack them if they got too annoying, he said, but as it turned out, that just meant that both Luke and Alex could smack _him_ if he started spouting anything stupid.

Bobby was a marked absence in their midst but Alex felt sure that he would be happy if he could see them like this, and that he would think his sacrifice had been worth it.

* * *

When Alex and Willie retreated to their cabin at night, Alex felt a whole bunch of different emotions. They hadn’t really spoken since the screaming and sobbing, and he was nervous about that. At the same time, since Willie had already seen him at his lowest, there really wasn’t that much worse he could do to make a fool out of himself. It was weirdly comforting. Plus, spending some time with the boys had left him a lot more at ease.

Their bed-time routine had stayed pretty much the same after that first night: Alex went into the bathroom first, while Willie did some stretching, and by the time Willie emerged from his bathroom stint, Alex was already in bed, turned towards the window. A short exchange of polite ‘good nights’ and that was that.

But tonight, Alex sat cross-legged in bed, waiting for Willie.

Willie’s eyebrows rose in surprise but he smiled, which gave Alex some hope.

“We didn’t really get to talk after …” Alex shrugged and Willie nodded, settling into bed next to him.

Alex turned so he could face him.

“I just wanted to say again that a) I’m sorry for … uhm … you know, crying all over you, and b) I’m also really grateful?”

Willie laughed.

“Hey, no worries. I’m glad it helped.” He studied Alex’s face. “You do look a lot better.”

Alex groaned.

“Yeah, I was a mess. Don’t remind me!”

Willie shrugged.

“Who wouldn’t be?”

Alex sighed, plucking at the knitted comforter.

“Yeah, I guess it was to be expected. Still, I’d rather you didn’t have to see that.”

“I didn’t mind.”

Alex wished Willie would stop biting his lip because it was very distracting—as was his bare chest, and his general hotness, and his eyes, and his hair, and—

Alex gulped, trying to focus back on the topic at hand.

“We’ll have to talk to Starfleet about recompensing you for being such a good host to us on this flight!”

“Hey, I’d do anything.”

That … that was just politeness, right? Even if it was phrased a little weird.

Alex cleared his throat.

“I’m surprised you don’t fly a regular passenger cruiser or something. You obviously like to have people on board.”

“Nice people, sure!” Willie grinned, then shrugged. “The _Phantom_ was originally my parents’ so I just took over from them.”

“Oh … are they—?”

“My Dad had an accident so Mom and he decided to settle planetside. They knew the old lady would be in good hands. Dad died a couple of years ago but Mom decided to stay. I guess it would be too hard for her without him. They were very close.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Willie shrugged again.

“They had a good life together while it lasted. In fact,” He grinned widely, “I was conceived in this very bed.”

Alex rocked back.

“Uhm …”

But Willie just laughed.

“Relax, that was like twenty-six years ago!”

“So, you were basically born when we went into the buffer. Man, this thing screws with my head!”

Willie fiddled with his own blanket.

“I know I probably shouldn’t say this, what with what happened with your crew and all, but … I’m glad it meant we got to meet?”

The look Willie gave Alex made his heart stutter in a very un-healthy way and he had to remind himself to breathe. He gulped and broke into nervous laughter.

“Yeah, no, I … I’m glad too. It’s nice! I mean, you’re nice! And Julie and Flynn are nice and … uhm …”

Willie was obviously trying very hard to suppress a grin but it was leaking out at the sides anyway. He nudged Alex’s shoulder.

“You’re nice, too, buffer boy.”

Alex blinked, still trying to get his brain to work again. Failing to form a proper complaint about the nickname, he just spluttered incoherently before forcibly shutting up.

Willie’s grin broke free, eyebrows twitching.

“Good night.”

And with that, he turned away, wiggled under the blankets, and punched his pillow into shape with, Alex thought, uncalled for enthusiasm.

“Okay,” Alex murmured to himself before finally managing an only half-croaky “Good night.”

After another second, he slid under his own blanket and stared wide-eyed at the stars.

Well, this had been one hell of a day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... are you grinning? Are you ready to throw things because they still haven't kissed?


	7. Chapter 7

Alex was torn whether to be disappointed or glad that Willie was already gone by the time he woke up. Probably the latter although part of him had hoped to wake up to more cuddling.

He still wasn’t quite sure what had happened last night. But that had to have been flirting, right?

And surely, if Willie had been flirting like that with Luke, Luke wouldn’t encourage Alex in his crush, right? Because Luke loved him and wouldn’t do that to his friend. So that meant … Willie might actually _like_ him!

Alex groaned. Operation ‘guarding his heart’ had been a complete bust! Which begged the question where that left him and what he wanted to do about it.

What he wanted to do—well there was a long list of things he really wanted to do every time he saw Willie, or just thought of him, really. And the sudden realisation that maybe Willie wouldn’t even be averse to those things set off a lot of tiny explosions in his brain.

He got lost there for a bit in dreams about kissing Willie before he groaned again and cradled his head in his hands.

 _This is impossible_ , he thought and tugged sharply at his hair.

Of course, he had to meet the man of his dreams after an involuntary twenty-five year gap, in a cargo ship, and with only ten or eleven days left before never seeing him again!

He swore softly and creatively, before dragging himself out of bed. He’d have stayed there, gladly, but the others would probably crash in if he didn’t show up. And maybe he did need his friends’ help with this before worrying himself into a pit of despair.

* * *

Since neither Luke nor Reggie had shown up yet—it was earlier than he had supposed—Alex decided to crash their cabin.

“Guys, I need help,” he declared as soon as he entered. Noting how dark it was, Alex added: “Computer, lights.”

As expected, his two friends were still in bed, all cuddled up together.

The sudden brightness was met with a lot of grumbling and groaning, but Alex hardly noticed, already pacing up and down in the limited space between the bed and the door.

“Alex?” came Luke’s sleepy voice, hand shielding his eyes from the light.

“Whassup, man?” Reggie slurred, and blinked sleepily.

Alex stopped his pacing and turned to face them.

“Okay, so, you know I don’t handle change well. Getting stuck in a buffer for twenty-five years? That was a change! And now we don’t know anything about how our friends and families dealt with our disappearance other than that they assume we’re dead, we have no clue what happened in those twenty-five years, whether we’re still going to finish Academy, what life is _like_ now because all we knew is basically gone.”

“Well, you’re still anxious and dramatic as ever,” Reggie mumbled.

Alex disregarded him.

“So, all that is one _huge_ change!”

“We know that, buddy,” Luke grumbled, “no need to wake us up for that!”

“And now Willie is flirting with me!”

“Ah …” Luke and Reggie looked at each other, sharing a smile.

“So that’s what this is about.” Luke manoeuvred himself into a sitting position, dragged his pillow into his lap, and yawned.

Reggie groaned, needing a bit longer until he’d disentangled himself enough to lean against the other wall. He rubbed his face a few times in quick succession, and then looked at Alex.

“Okay, spill.”

So Alex told them. Everything about last night and all his one-on-ones with Willie since they’d found themselves on the _Phantom_.

“Huh! And it took you till _now_ to figure out the guy’s completely besotted with you?” Luke stared at him in disbelief.

“Well, he seemed to be very friendly with you, too,” Alex said defensively.

“Yeah, well, not like _that_!”

“And you guys keep saying _I’m_ the slow one!” Reggie chuckled and shook his head.

“Come on,” Alex complained, “there was just a lot going on, okay? And … you know I’m terrible at flirting.”

“That is true!” They were both nodding.

“So …”

Alex started pacing again.

“So?”

“So what do I do now?”

“I’d think that’s obvious,” Luke patted the pillow in his lap, “you like him and he obviously likes you, so … everything’s peachy?”

Alex rounded on him.

“Everything is _not_ _peachy_!”

He shook his hair out of his face, taking a deep breath.

Reggie was a bit quicker on the uptake. “It’s because you’re wondering what will happen when we reach Starbase 16, isn’t it?”

Alex nodded unhappily.

His friends studied him with sympathy, and Luke waved him over.

Alex sighed and, after a moment of hesitation, climbed into bed with them. The window wasn’t the most comfortable place to lean against, but it did feel good to have Luke and Reggie on either side of him. They scooted closer, Luke bumping against him, Reggie leaning his head on Alex’s shoulder.

Luke pried one of Alex’s hands away from the hem of his shirt they were currently worrying, and took it into his.

“Okay, I get that you’re worried about that. And it sucks that you only have these few days but … do you really want to do just nothing and keep wondering for the rest of your life? Because I know you, Alex, and you will. If you were Reggie or Bobby, I’d say ‘go for it and have some fun’ but … I know that’s not really your thing. If you fall, you really fall and you clearly care a lot about Willie. And I think he really cares about you, too.”

Alex bit his lip, thinking about the way Willie had looked at him, the way he had held and steadied him while he was sobbing his soul out. The way he had smiled at him.

He squeezed Luke’s fingers.

Luke returned the pressure.

“And whatever you decide when we get to the base, I know it won’t be easy but … we’ll be 100 percent behind you and support you. Maybe, since so much has already changed, you’ll be ready for another change. Or maybe he will be. Or maybe it doesn’t work out. Who knows. But you can’t figure that out if you don’t at least try. Just know that whatever happens, we’re here for you, buddy!”

“Thank you,” Alex murmured, giving Luke’s hand another squeeze, glad that he had friends like him and Reggie.

Speaking of the latter …

“Reggie, did you fall asleep on my shoulder while I’m in crisis and Luke’s giving me a pep talk?”

“Wha—?”

Reggie jerked up, blinking hard and fast.

“No, I wasn’t!”

* * *

He had known that talking to Luke and Reggie—or mostly Luke, as it were—would help and it had. At least Alex had come to a decision even if he wasn’t quite ready yet to act on it.

So the new mission plan was: accept the decision and don’t freak out, muster enough courage to act on that decision, and then act on the decision. Hopefully followed by happiness and rainbows.

Alex left the boys to go through their morning routine and make themselves presentable—or go back to sleep—and braced himself to seek out Willie, test the waters somewhat, and try not to die of a heart attack.

He’d intended to grab a quick bite and head for the middle deck but his plans were foiled when Julie curled a strand of hair around her finger, bit her lip, and asked nervously if he had time to talk with her about something.

He frowned in confusion. Would this be about Luke? He didn’t really feel comfortable breaching _those_ dangerous waters but he liked Julie a lot and she seemed so small and worried that he quickly nodded.

“Yes, of course, Julie.”

She was still chewing her lip, looking around the empty table, and Alex guessed that she probably didn’t want any of the others crashing in on whatever she wanted to discuss with him.

“I suppose we could go to Willie’s cabin …” He wouldn’t call it ‘our.’

Julie nodded.

Tension was radiating off her all the way until the door to the pilot’s cabin closed behind them. Alex had taken to making the bed in the mornings and he was glad the cabin was a lot less messy than what Luke and Reggie had made out of theirs. He gestured towards the bed while drawing out the chair for himself.

“So … how can I help you?”

Julie had settled down on the edge of the bed, tension still held in every line of her body. Her fingers were once more plucking at strands of her beautiful locks, rubbing the ends between thumb and forefinger. Finally, she looked over to him.

“Why are you going back?”

Seeing the confusion on his face, she explained: “To Starfleet, I mean. You’re going back there, right? Continue your studies? Even after what happened?”

Oh … so not Luke. Alex wasn’t sure this would be an easier talk. Especially after the one he’d just had with Luke about changes.

“That’s the plan,” he cautiously replied.

She huffed.

“I get that Luke is apparently just super idealistic and passionate about this. And from what I can tell, Reggie would follow him anywhere. But you?” She studied him for a moment, clearly hesitated, but then continued anyway. “I know what it’s done to you.”

“Ah … “

Alex looked down at his hands. Well, his emotional breakdown had been rather obvious after all.

“I’m glad you seem better now,” Julie added softly.

He managed a grateful smirk at that.

“Thanks.”

“But … I just don’t understand why you would risk that again by going back!”

Alex took a deep breath, eyes straying towards the ceiling. He could give her an easy answer but Julie deserved more than that. She deserved honesty. He tried to sort out his thoughts before looking back at her.

“It scares me, Julie.”

She obviously hadn’t expected that.

“But then I’ve always been scared of things, I guess. You’re right, I’m not like Luke, always rushing into things, full of eagerness and optimism. And I’m not like Reggie, trusting so much that bad things won’t happen to us if we just stay together.”

He huffed out a humourless laugh, fingers fidgeting in his lap.

“I’ve always been a little anxious and then I … got _paused_. Which did _not_ calm me down. But Starfleet …” He shrugged. “That was always my dream. Because yeah, I do believe in all the idealistic bullshit Luke so loves to make passionate speeches about. Or … at least I _hope_ in it, you know? Even if it’s not like that, I think it’s worth it to try and make it that way.”

He stilled the trembling in his legs.

“My parents are both doctors so they were happy when I said I wanted to pursue a medical career as well but they weren’t quite so happy when I said I wanted to pursue it within Starfleet.”

A wry smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“They didn’t think there was much _prestige_ in that. Or maybe they just didn’t think I would be good enough and would end up on some backwater mining base.”

Mostly, they hadn't been happy because they'd always been sympathisers of the "Earth First" movement and thought he should use his talent to see to humans first, instead of enlisting in an organisation that wanted to contact even more aliens. But he didn't feel much like dragging that particular family skeleton into the light.

The sad truth was, that even after all this time, he was still disappointed at their lack of support. He’d come to accept it but that didn’t mean he didn’t sometimes still wish things had been different. He wondered what they had thought when they got the message of his death.

He looked over to Julie again, who had stilled, watching him intently.

“But the thing is … I never wanted to be a shining star or whatever. I just wanted to be a part of something. Help people. And the camaraderie I have with Luke and Reggie and … _had_ with Bobby, that’s what I think Starfleet can be at its best. A family.”

There was a small smile on Julie’s face at that.

“It’s scary and dangerous and mundane and unglamorous and all these things but it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my life.”

He shrugged.

Julie plucked at her shirt, head bowed, mulling over his words.

“It’s the only thing I ever wanted, too.”

Her voice was low and wistful. She hadn’t just lost her mother, she’d also lost her dream, a part of herself.

Alex got up and sat down next to her. He kept a little distance so as not to make her feel cramped. He’d have hugged her but didn’t feel comfortable doing that with a woman he still barely knew, no matter how much he liked her. Instead, he offered his hand, palm up. And after a moment’s hesitation, Julie took it.

“Flynn and I used to dream about the moment we could both attend Starfleet Academy together. Travel to Earth, have lots of fun as students, and then gallivant through the galaxy together.”

Alex squeezed her hand, bumping his shoulder against hers as a silent show of support.

“She was so devastated when I told her I didn’t want that anymore. But … she soldiered on, believing that I would change my mind when the time came and when I didn’t … I think she was close to giving it up, too, just so we could stay together.”

Julie pulled her hand back, and started fidgeting with the fabric of her pants. A small laugh escaped her.

“But Flynn’s stubborn. She wouldn’t give up.”

Alex nudged her again.

“I kinda get the feeling that you’re both pretty alike when it comes to that.”

She smiled gratefully at him for a brief moment before a frown settled once more on her brow.

“But I _did_ give up.”

Alex hummed thoughtfully.

“When you say that you didn’t want to go to Starfleet anymore … that’s not true though, is it? It’s not that you don’t want it anymore, it’s just that you’re scared.”

Julie wrinkled her nose, sighing deeply. He got the feeling that ‘being scared’ was a failure in her book.

“Isn’t that kind of the same thing?”

Alex thought about Willie, how much he wanted him and how much that scared him. He laughed softly.

“No, no it really isn’t!”

She gave him a shrewd sideways look.

“Julie, I won’t try to influence you either way. Sometimes, there’s things we just can’t do, no matter how much we want to do them, and pushing us to do them anyway will just hurt us more. But giving up on a dream that is important to you always hurts. The question is whether you’re giving up on it because you realise it no longer fits the person you’ve become and so you’re letting it go instead of trying to fit yourself _to_ the dream. Or if you’re giving it up because you’re too scared to follow it and so lose who you are.”

This time, Julie bumped her shoulder against his side.

“You’re really good at this.”

“Uhm … thanks. But … so is Luke, actually. And Reggie. If he is awake!” He laughed. “But uhm … “ Alex spread his hands. “I know this stuff is scary to think about but I really hope you find the right answer for you. Whatever that may be.”

She nodded, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, but looking much calmer and more determined.

“So do I. Thanks, Alex.”

“Sure!”

To his surprise, Julie suddenly wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. With his upper arms pinned to his sides, he reached around her as far as he could, patting her awkwardly on the back. Then, she jumped up but turned around once more as she got to the door.

“I really hope things with you and Willie work out. I’ve known him since I was born so he’s practically family but I couldn’t imagine anyone better for him!”

Before he could dredge up a reply out of his stuttering brain, she’d left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I realise there was not a single Willie sighting in this chapter ... what can I say, Julie just really wanted to have this conversation and foiled Alex's and my plan ... she's stubborn like that! :)
> 
> Sidenote: this has now officially become the longest thing I've written and posted so I think this calls for a party!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter update delay was brought to you by headaches and work (possibly related) but ...free serotonin coming right up ... ;P

After Julie had left, Alex sat on the bed for a while thinking about how much of what he’d told Julie applied to him and his own problems. Unfortunately, giving advice was always so much easier than having to follow it.

His eyes wandered around the cabin; he’d never really been in here alone. It had always felt too much like invading Willie’s personal space to linger in the mornings—though he doubted the pilot really cared. Now though, things had changed—or were, hopefully, about to change—and his gaze was drawn to all the personal touches Willie had given his home.

Alex got up and inspected the picture above the table more closely. He’d only ever glanced at the colourful flower design on his way to the bathroom but now he saw that it was not a print but an original. Somebody had painted this picture and he wondered if it was another one of Willie’s “killing time” pursuits. If it was, he was quickly becoming very daunting with all those talents he possessed.

He moved on to the cabinet wall. The two lines of shelves breaking it up contained some decorative knickknack and three picture frames. One showed a young couple, arm in arm in what Alex recognised as the _Phantom’s_ galley. The similarities to Willie were so obvious that this had to be his parents. They looked indeed happy together. Willie had his father’s cheekbones and his mother’s smile and Alex ached for something he couldn’t even put his finger on. He remembered his own parents as successful rather than happy.

The second picture was of a younger Willie, sitting astride a speed rider on an M-Class planet, which was probably Ortega 5, and showing that devastating smile of his.

The third picture was of Willie and his mother. It must have been a recent picture because Willie looked pretty much the same as now, even wearing a jumper that Alex recognised. His mother had grey-streaked hair and more lines in her face but at the moment the picture had been taken, she’d looked at Willie with so much love and pride that Alex, again, felt that longing ache.

He quickly left the cabin.

* * *

“You’re late today,” Flynn greeted him when he re-entered the communal space for the second time that day in pursuit of breakfast.

She, Julie, Reggie, and Luke were all sitting around the table, the detritus of their meal still evident in crumbs and empty plates.

“Uh ... yeah.” Alex’s gaze briefly flickered over to Julie, who pressed her lips tightly together. “I had a lot to think about.”

Her lips curled up in a tiny smile, obviously grateful he’d kept their talk to himself. It made sense that she wouldn’t want the others knowing that she was rethinking her decision regarding Starfleet because they would be sure to pester her about it. Some things you just had to figure out for yourself without outward pressure. He was touched that she’d trusted him with that.

“Ooooh,” Flynn exclaimed with a dangerous twinkle in her eyes, “I bet it was about Willie, right?”

“Uhm …” He could feel the heat rising into his face and cleared his throat.

Julie punched her best friend in the arm.

“Flynn! Leave the poor guy alone!”

Flynn groaned. “But I’m right, right? I mean … I’ve got eyes!”

Reggie and Luke laughed and Alex decided this was a good moment to walk over to the counter and get something to eat, turning his back on the four until he’d regained his composure.

By the time he joined the others, Julie had gotten the conversation started on something else and now he smiled gratefully at her. Flynn was eagerly participating in the discussion though the glances she kept giving him made it clear that she was voluntarily letting him off the hook. For now.

* * *

When Willie climbed up the emergency ladder about half an hour later, Alex tried very hard to ignore all the covert and less covert glances that were ping-ponging between him and the pilot. As if he would do anything with all of them watching!

But his heart did a little dance when Willie smiled at him while pouring out his coffee.

“Did you sleep well, buffer boy?”

Flynn burst out into giggles, spewing half her coffee over the table. Julie raised her eyebrows at Alex and broke into the widest grin while Luke and Reggie were elbowing each other so enthusiastically that they would probably get bruises.

And Alex? Alex stopped working.

“Well, _technically_ , we’re _all_ buffer boys,” Reggie said with his finger raised and Luke grinned and nodded along.

“That sounds like the worst band name ever,” Julie commented.

“Oooh, we could form a band!” Reggie exclaimed, slapping Luke’s arm excitedly. “We could make a whole show out of it, beaming in, or … wait, we could be holograms!”

“That could be cool …” Luke conceded, for all purposes looking like he was seriously considering it.

“I will _not_ quit my medical career to form a _hologram band_ with you guys!”

Alex’s brain had finally rebooted and he was glad to concentrate on anything else but the swirling vortex of _feelings_ inside of him that had opened up at Willie’s words and the accompanying look on his face.

Yeah, how had he ever doubted that Willie was flirting with him?!

Reggie pouted. “But it would be so cool!”

“I agree.”

Willie slipped into the empty seat next to Alex, cradling a mug of coffee, and passing Flynn a napkin so she could wipe up the spilled coffee. Which she promptly ignored. Instead, she crossed her arms, grinning.

“So, what instruments would you play then?”

“Well, _I_ would be lead guitarist. And lead singer, obviously!”

Alex rolled his eyes at how smug Luke looked.

Reggie considered.

“Bassist? Bassists are cool, right?”

“Yeah, they are, bro and you would be the coolest!”

Reggie beamed at Luke’s words.

“And you?”

Willie raised his eyebrows at Alex, grinning.

Alex sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes again.

“Well, _if_ we had a band and I _would_ have to play an instrument … drums. At least then I can sit down.”

They all burst out laughing and Alex shrugged.

“I mean, you guys can get up to all the antics you want, jumping around and whatnot. I’ll just be sitting quietly in the back, rolling my eyes at you. And I would have handy sticks to smack you with!”

Flynn looked over to Julie who had started mopping up the coffee.

“ _Double Trouble and the Buffer Boys_ has a much nicer ring to it, don’t you think? We could join the guys. With your singing and my rapping, we’d be legendary!”

“We’d love to have you in our band!”

Luke bestowed his dazzling smile on both girls and Alex had to restrain himself very hard from rolling his eyes yet again.

“Do you have space for one more guitarist in your band? I’m not sure my playing is up to scratch yet, but …” Willie shrugged, looking around the table.

“Wait, you actually play guitar? Dude, is there anything you’re _not_ good at?” Reggie stared at Willie, mouth agape, echoing Alex’s sentiments exactly.

Willie considered the question for a moment before shrugging.

“Tap dance.”

Luke laughed. “Maybe Alex can help you there. He _loves_ to dance.”

Alex glared at him. “Yeah, but … _I don’t know how to tap dance?!”_

Reggie clapped him on the shoulder.

“Then you can learn it together!”

“Yeah, he’s very flexible.” Luke chimed in.

“And he’s got reach.”

Willie was giggling and it would have been the cutest thing ever except that Alex was currently trying not to die from acute embarrassment and inhaling coffee.

“I’m sorry about my friends. They know nothing about dancing,” he managed to croak out with an apologetic look at Willie.

Flynn suddenly clapped her hands.

“We should have a party! A proper celebration of the ‘buffer boys’ and your arrival on the _Phantom_. And then you two can have a dance off!”

“That’s a great idea!” Reggie’s eyes lit up.

“It actually is,” Julie agreed.

“I’m on music,” Flynn declared and, when she saw Reggie’s disappointed look, she magnanimously added “you can help” to his great delight.

“Luke and I’ll do the decorations.” Julie hooked her arm with Luke, who grinned and looked generally very happy with the arrangement.

“And you guys are on food,” Flynn commanded, giving Alex and Willie stern looks as if she expected arguments.

But Alex just returned Willie’s smile, even though his cheeks were still a little flushed.

“I’m absolutely fine with that.”

Willie drowned his coffee and then flicked his eyebrows upwards.

“You wanna go have a brainstorming session on the bridge while these guys talk music and decorations?”

Maybe Alex was a bit eager to accept but what the hell. It wasn’t like he was fooling anyone anymore and he looked forward to getting some time with Willie without the cheering crowd, much as he appreciated their well-meaning support. In theory.

“Ladder or lift?”

Alex shrugged. “Ladder?”

Willie grinned and invited him with a sweep of his arm to climb down first, which had the advantage for Alex that he was getting away from the others sooner and that he had a nice view of Willie climbing down. He wasn’t sure why Willie wasn’t sliding down this time but he certainly didn’t mind.

Which reminded him …

“Hey, how about a short detour to the med bay? I wanted to take a quick look at those stitches, if that’s okay?”

Willie raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, sure. You’re the doctor.“

Willie tugged his shirt over his head as soon as they had entered the room. Alex should have been used to seeing him shirtless by now since he got that pleasant experience every evening but the sight never failed to make his heart miss a beat.

“You want me on the bed again?” Willie winked at him.

Alex cleared his throat, trying to dispel the images threatening to crawl into his mind. “No … uhm … this is fine. It won’t take long.”

Willie shrugged, still grinning. “Okay.” He turned around so Alex could get at his shoulder.

Alex stepped closer and hesitated for a second before gently brushing Willie’s hair out of the way, noting the slight tremor that went through the pilot at his touch. He smiled, fingers lingering for one second longer before he focused on peeling off the medi-plaster.

The wound was hardly more than a slightly raised scar, the new skin still pink and shiny, and the stitches had been mostly absorbed by now. Alex nodded, satisfied.

“Yeah, this looks good. I think we can leave the plaster off now. You can have the scar removed when we get to the base but that’ll just be cosmetics at that point.”

Willie reached over his shoulder, fingers feeling for the scar. Then he shrugged.

“Maybe I’ll just keep it. As a reminder.”

Willie’s tone was light-hearted but Alex thought he detected an undercurrent of something softer. He bit his lip but didn’t say anything, not sure his own voice would work.

Willie turned around again, kneading his shirt in his hands.

“Thank you.”

“… sure.”

Alex was thrown by the look in Willie’s face and the earnestness in his voice. He’d only removed a plaster, surely that didn’t warrant whatever the hell was happening right now?

Willie worked his jaw, seemingly on the brink of saying something else but then he took a step back and grinned, the spell broken.

“I’d better put this on again then.” He gestured with the shirt. “You sure this wasn’t just an excuse to get me out of it?”

Alex tilted his head slightly, hesitated and then said the words on his tongue anyway: “That was just a welcome side effect.”

His hands were tingling and he felt too light and too heavy all at the same time but the look of surprise on Willie’s face turning into delight was maybe the best thing he’d ever seen.

Willie took a tentative step forward again.

“You just had to ask.”

He’d tilted his own head now, a question shining in his eyes.

And Alex answered it by leaning forward and brushing his lips against Willie’s in a hesitant kiss.

After a second or two of just the lightest touch, of breath mingling and hearts stuttering, Willie cradled Alex’s face between his hands, drawing him nearer, sucking lightly on his bottom lip and Alex’s breath caught. He tugged on Willie’s hips until they were so close he could feel the warmth of Willie’s skin seep through his shirt. He followed the outline of Willie’s spine with his fingers, feeling him shudder under the touch, and curled his hand around his neck, deepening the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're welcome :)
> 
> sidenote: tbh, that kiss wasn't supposed to happen. I mean, I've started on setting up a party and dancing and everything just so they can finally kiss and what do they do? Decide to kiss now ... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These soft boys will be the death of me!!! Have some fluff and suffer with me...

Alex blinked slowly coming out of the kiss, one hand still tangled in Willie’s hair, the other at his hip, just drinking in the sight of Willie all flushed, lips well-kissed, and an expression on his face that was so open it nearly broke Alex’s heart.

For all his flirting and teasing and happy-go-lucky attitude, this clearly wasn’t just a casual hook-up for Willie, and Alex’s chest ached, relief washing through him, and he moved in for another kiss. He swallowed Willie’s small moan, feeling its butterfly wings flutter around his insides until he felt scratched raw.

Alex pressed his forehead to Willie’s just breathing and trying to process that this had really happened.

Then he chuckled, slowly shaking his head.

“And they’re going to all this trouble of throwing a party just to hook us up.”

They moved slightly apart so they could look at each other, grinning. Alex dropped his hands back to Willie’s hips while Willie laced his fingers behind Alex’s neck, slowly stroking the base of his skull with one finger.

“We could just _not_ tell them it’s no longer necessary.”

A mischievous smile flickered across Willie’s lips and Alex got momentarily distracted by it before he blinked and wrenched his gaze back to Willie’s eyes.

He thought about the idea before slowly nodding and breaking out into a grin. Now it was Willie’s gaze dipping down to Alex’s lips.

“It’s gonna be hard though.”

Willie frowned, tilting his head, refocusing on him.

“You don’t think we can convince them?”

“Well, now that we’ve finally kissed I really _do_ want to keep doing that. And this whole situation isn’t helping!”

Alex waved his hand at Willie’s bare chest.

Willie broke away laughing.

“I can put my shirt back on, if you prefer.”

“Not really but it might help the thinking so …”

Willie nodded and looked around for a moment, frowning, before bending down to retrieve the wrinkled piece of clothing from the floor where he must have dropped it during the kiss.

Alex inhaled deeply as soon as Willie’s skin was once more mostly covered, relieved and disappointed at the same time. He pushed his hair out of his face and twisted his fingers in the cuffs of his shirt to keep them from reaching out to Willie again.

But Willie would have none of that, taking Alex’s hands in his own, running his thumbs over Alex’s skin in soft strokes.

“We don’t have to prank them,” he said quietly, searching Alex’s face.

But Alex shook his head.

“No, no, they definitely deserve it after all the teasing and everything.”

Willie chuckled, pressing his forehead against Alex’s.

“They really were not very subtle at all, were they?”

“No, they were not.” Alex gently rubbed his nose against Willie’s, exhaling. “And they’re going to be terribly smug about this whole thing.”

Willie placed a small kiss on his lips.

“Well, I don’t mind, as long as I keep getting to kiss you.”

He followed his words with another light kiss.

“I hope you know you are impossibly distracting,” Alex murmured and kissed him back unhurriedly, knowing they still had some time before they needed to appear ‘unkissed.’

* * *

They relocated to the bridge eventually—in case anyone came looking for them—and even, at some point, talked about food, Alex cuddled up under ‘his’ blanket and Willie lounging in the pilot’s chair at a safe-ish distance.

Alex couldn’t remember when he’d last felt this calm. Which was odd, because he’d rather expected his nerves to get worse after kissing Willie. Was he still worried about how this would all end? Definitely. But right now, everything seemed so absolutely _right_ that he just basked in it, fully intending to enjoy every second.

It was freeing, not having to hide how much he liked just looking at Willie, being able to smile openly at him. For all that he had made him so nervous previously, Alex now found being with Willie made him feel at ease. He hugged the blanket closer.

None of the others came looking for them.

* * *

When they finally went back to the upper deck, they found only Julie and Luke. Apparently, Flynn and Reggie had holed up in the girls’ cabin to discuss the musical arrangements.

The room had already been colourful before but now their new chief decorators had installed holo emitters and there were holographic candles flickering in the corners and strings of old-fashioned fairy lights. Luke and Julie had hung one of Willie’s knitted blankets over the airlock bulkhead to make the room feel cosier.

Alex felt himself growing nervous again with Luke and Julie around, which was probably a good thing since it helped him to get into character.

Willie and he got started on the food. Most of it would come out of the replicator but they’d chosen a few things to do, mostly, from scratch. Alex had never really cooked before so pretending to be nervous become increasingly more easy. He tried to ignore the suppressed giggles when his hand accidentally brushed against Willie’s and he withdrew it quickly.

This was the plan after all.

* * *

When everything was ready, they all withdrew to their respective cabins to dress up. Alex asked the computer for some formal clothes options he could replicate, Willie looking over his shoulder. Before he confirmed his choice, he looked at Willie and Willie nodded.

“Just one thing,” he said. “Computer, change the colour of the jacket to a light pink.”

Alex’s eyebrows crawled up at that.

Willie grinned.

“It’ll bring out your eyes.”

“If you say so …” He tore his gaze away from Willie’s face and confirmed the selection.

Coming out of the bathroom shortly later, he was once more nervously plucking at the cuffs of his shirt, which had come out a bit long, though he kind of liked that. Then he caught sight of Willie and stopped short, gaping.

Willie’s outfit had definitely not come out of a replicator. The black pants were well fitted and ended shortly above his knees, showing off both his nice ass and his calves. He’d left the top three or four buttons of his black shirt, dotted with little white crosses, open, which was very distracting. Over the shirt, he wore a black tailcoat of all things, with a silver flower pin in the buttonhole. His hair, which he usually wore falling free, was tied back in a messy bun, a few loose strands softly framing his face, drawing even more attention to his ridiculously perfect cheekbones.

Willie came up to him, smiling.

“Wow, you look gorgeous.”

“Yeah,” Alex breathed, and then caught up. “Wait. What? No, _you_ look gorgeous!”

Willie laughed softly. He lifted his fingers to brush one strand of Alex’s hair out of his face, caressing the shell of his ear, and Alex trembled under the touch. Willie breathed a light kiss onto his lips and then stepped back, adjusting Alex’s lapels.

“I was right. The colour does bring out your eyes.”

Alex swallowed. He could just _not_ get over how beautiful Willie was and that he really wanted him! How could he be so lucky?

“I think we should go now or I’m not guaranteeing for my actions,” he whispered, still staring at Willie.

Willie chuckled low in his throat.

“Don’t tempt me, buffer boy.”

Alex wrinkled his nose at the nickname. He wasn’t sure he liked it but he definitely liked the way Willie said it. He took a deep breath and stepped back, trying to clear his head.

Willie grinned and offered him his arm.

“Will you be my date to the party then?”

Alex linked his arm with Willie’s.

“I will.”

* * *

Alex and Willie stepped out of the elevator—Willie relaxed as always, Alex nervously fiddling with his cuffs, still blushing from the brief ‘good luck’ kiss Willie had given him but seconds ago.

Flynn whistled loudly. “Looking _good_!”

“Look who’s talking!” Willie laughed and caught her hands, twirling her around in a dress that evoked the word _slinky_ in Alex’s mind. It did look fantastic on her though!

Alex was glad they’d already kissed because he had a feeling that this party might otherwise have been rather difficult for him. He watched how Willie twirled Julie next, equally looking stunning.

“Hey man.”

Luke and Reggie had sidled up to him, looking very handsome in their suits. They had gone for vests rather than jackets. Luke had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and Alex wondered if he was aware that that increased any man’s attractiveness by at least 10% although Luke hardly needed the help. Reggie looked very fetching in his tight pants, highlighting his long, slim legs, and the crimson vest, hair arranged with even more care than usual.

“You guys look amazing!”

Alex didn’t usually give out earnest compliments like that without throwing in a sarcastic comment so the guys were momentarily startled before they grinned.

“So do you,” Reggie replied with a pat on his shoulder.

“Pink, huh?” Luke raised his eyebrows and grinned, dimples showing.

Alex looked down and plucked at his sleeves.

“Willie chose the colour.”

“Oh, _Willie_ chose the colour, huh?” They were looking at each other, sharing a smile before jostling Alex between them with enthusiastic nudges.

Reggie studied Willie who was arranging the food on the table with the girls’ help.

“Your date obviously dressed to impress.” He gave a low whistle. “Now, I wonder who he’s trying to impress so hard!” He winked exaggeratedly at Alex.

“He’s not my date,” Alex hissed. “But yeah, he looks good, doesn’t he?”

“Yes, he does.” Luke was pressing his lips together to keep from smiling, unsuccessfully, while looking fondly at Alex.

“We’re lucky we fell in with such pretty people!” Reggie laughed. “Imagine we’d been picked up by Klingons!”

“Or a ship of Vulcan scientists,” Luke added with a laugh.

“Shall we help our pretty people with the food then?” Reggie suggested and they all moved away from the lift into the room proper to get the party started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the party is pushed back to the next chapter while I try to figure out how to write _dancing_ convincingly Oo ... wish me luck!
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for not describing the girls' outfits more but Alex is, in fact, very gay XD (though Julie's is basically the one from "Standing Tall" minus the jacket while Flynn's is something form-fitting, short, and very stylish ... possibly silver)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update delay was brought to you by extensive Christmas cookie baking (and work) but I'm BACK and with the longest chapter yet! Plug in some dance music because we're going to have a _PARTY!!!_

It seemed a lifetime ago that Alex had attended any sort of party. This one was just like the best dorm parties they’d thrown at the Academy. Those had been a lot bigger, of course, but as Reggie, Luke, and he joined their hosts at the impromptu buffet, Alex felt nervous excitement running through him. He was actually looking forward to this!

He caught Willie’s eyes for a moment and a conspiratorial smile was quickly exchanged before each busied himself with the food again. They’d put out all the stops and there was nary a healthy thing in sight, which was just how it should be for a proper party. They had pizza and hot dogs and Luke’s eyes started shining when he spotted the plate of meatball subs.

“I love you, guys,” he whispered, hanging on Alex’s shoulder, squeezing hard through the fabric of the shirt and jacket, before launching himself at the feast.

Alex laughed, looking over at Willie. “And you we worried we might have too much food!”

Luke moaned rather indecently as he shoved half a sub into his mouth and started chewing.

“You’d think we’d have left them starving these last days!” Julie commented with an eye-roll, but her mouth quivered with suppressed mirth.

Reggie jostled Luke aside so he could get at the sandwiches as well, no less eager than his friend.

Alex groaned, watching him. “Aaand he’s making out with the food. Okay. That’s enough.” He turned to Willie. “Do you have any proper alcohol or just synthenol because I don’t think I can get through this evening without getting right and properly drunk!”

Flynn clapped her hands. “That’s an excellent idea!”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Julie countered but when Willie unearthed an old bottle of Saurian brandy, he’d had stashed away, she held her cup out anyway.

Luke and Reggie interrupted their enthusiastic chewing for a moment so they could have a toast.

“To the Buffer Boys!” Flynn clinked her cup with them.

“And to our rescue phantoms!” Luke had thankfully swallowed his sandwich down by now so his grin was dazzling rather than disgusting.

Alex clinked his cup with the others and tried to ignore their grins when Willie held his eyes for a long moment, echoing “to the buffer boys” in a soft voice, a small smile flickering across his face as he raised the cup to his lips.

Alex swallowed the impulse of kissing Willie on the spot by quickly downing the contents of his own cup.

“Yeah, this is better,” he said with a sigh, holding out his cup for a refill and downing that one, too.

“Okay, how about dancing first _before_ gorging ourselves on the food?” He looked pointedly at his two embarrassing friends.

“We were just—”

“— _fortifying_ ourselves—”

“—because dancing is hard work!”

They turned the full force of their hurt puppy dog eyes on him but years spent in their company had made Alex somewhat immune so he just rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.”

“Besides,” Reggie pointed an accusatory finger at him, “ _you_ were supposed to have the dance off with our handsome pilot! We’re just here for the food and cheering you on.” He glared. “Though we may just switch allegiances and cheer for Willie if you continue to be mean to us.”

He crossed his arms with a self-satisfied smirk, Luke nodding along and also crossing his arms though Luke’s mutinous pouts always turned out more cute than threatening.

Alex felt a hand on his arm.

“Don’t worry, Alex, then _we_ will cheer for you!” Julie grinned up at him.

“Well, actually,” Flynn interjected, leaning against the buffet table and sipping on her brandy, “we’re cheering for _both_ of you!”

_Way to be subtle, Flynn._

Alex couldn’t help glancing at Willie who was grinning at him with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that was very distracting.

Taking a deep breath, Alex combed the hair out of his face—with the parting slightly shifted to the left, it was even floppier than usual but Willie had said he liked it that way—and stood up straighter.

“Okay then. Let the dancing begin.”

* * *

They had pushed all the chairs aside and the table a bit closer to the wall but even so there wasn’t much space between the buffet and the galley. At least that meant the ‘dance floor’ didn’t look half empty because once Flynn started the music, all six of them began dancing, despite Reggie’s earlier claims.

And for the moment, Alex didn’t think about the 25 years they had missed or Bobby or the _Sunset Curve_ crew. He didn’t think about his parents or Starfleet. He didn’t even think about this thing with Willie and him and whatever would happen when they reached Starbase 16. For now, he was just glad that he was alive, that there were people he liked who liked him back, that there was food and music and fancy clothes and that every muscle in his body rejoiced at letting loose.

He moved with the music, letting it wash over and through him, dancing with the others, whoever happened to be currently in front of him, but mostly dancing for himself, without worrying or caring whether he looked stupid. He was simply happy.

* * *

Alex was drawn out of his dance trance when the music faded out. He looked around at Flynn, their self-appointed DJ, who leaned against the table, throwing her braids over her shoulder with one hand and fanning herself with the other. She caught his look and grinned.

“Okay, now you two are all warmed up, I think it’s time for the dance off!” She waved Reggie over. “So Reggie and I compiled a mesh-up of different music styles and you two just show us the best you’ve got.”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up. He half-turned to Willie, who had stepped up next to him. “Did we ever actually agree to the dance off thing?”

Willie blew a strand of hair out of his face. “Not really. But it’ll be fun!”

“Oh yeah, no, I’m down for it. I just wasn’t sure if we _agreed_ to it.”

They grinned at each other for a moment that was probably a bit too long to be casual before Alex wrenched his gaze away again, just catching the end of a meaningful look Reggie and Luke were sharing.

He crossed his arms. “So … what are we competing for then? Any cool prizes?”

The others looked at each other.

“You could have the last meatball sub?” Luke suggested, eyeing the one he’d just grabbed from the table.

“How about the winner gets to kiss whomever he wants?”

“Oh my God, _FLYNN!!”_

Flynn’s bright grin changed to a pout as Julie slapped her arm hard. “What?!”

Alex cleared his throat, glad that he’d somehow managed not to look at Willie because he wasn’t sure if he would start blushing or laughing at how blatantly obvious everyone was about getting him and Willie together.

“The last meatball sub sounds fine.”

He saw Willie nodding out of the corner of his eye but when Willie turned back to the dance floor, he came close enough to whisper “we can still claim the other prize later, buffer boy” into his ear and now Alex was definitely blushing. And everybody else was laughing. They might not have caught Willie’s exact words but they could probably guess what they had been.

Alex took a deep breath and shrugged off the whole happy swirling happening in his head and heart, together with his suit jacket. Next, he slipped out of his shoes. He had a feeling he needed to be a bit more _flexible_ for this.

Flynn whooped. “Yeah, Alex!”

Julie buried her face in her palm. “Remind me never to give her any alcohol ever again,” she mumbled between her fingers.

Alex ignored them both, shaking his shoulders lose, noting Willie watching him with an amused curl to his lips.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

Luke grinned and did a little sideways shuffle. “Kill it on the dance floor, Alex!”

“Yeah!” Reggie agreed, pumping his fist. Then he frowned. “Wait, didn’t we want to cheer Willie on because Alex was mean?”

“Oh, right.” Luke repeated the shuffle motion. “Kill it on the dance floor, Willie!”

Willie laughed and held his thumb up. “Thanks, guys!”

They squared off, Alex with his back to the blanket covered airlock, Willie with the corridor to the lift and the two passenger cabins behind him, while the others clustered around the buffet table and Flynn’s DJ music pad. For all their easy cheering and munching needs.

“Okaaaay!” Flynn hit the play button and new music came out of the speakers. It was pretty similar to the music they’d had before, a steady beat, a driving melody, easy to dance to, and Willie and he started to move.

Alex already knew from their earlier dancing that Willie definitely had some mad skills but he didn’t worry much. He didn’t care whether there would be a winner to this or not since he knew he would get that promised kiss anyway—and screw the meatball sub, honestly, it couldn’t compare to kissing Willie in the slightest, no matter how delicious! Neither was he worried about making a fool of himself. He knew he was a good dancer and knew that whatever inadequacies he had were irrelevant as long as he was having fun. It was weird, with his anxiety being what it was, but maybe it was because dancing finally brought all his concentration to his body rather than being stuck in his mind.

The music changed abruptly to a waltz and Alex rolled with it. He stepped up to Willie and swept him away, directing them in a large circle around the room, Willie falling in gracefully, not even missing a step at Alex taking the lead.

He was dimly aware of the others’ cheering but Alex was too caught up in the feeling of Willie in his arms, seeing him smiling up at him, dimples deep and irresistible.

“You’re really good at this.”

Alex’s smile widened. “Thanks, so are you!”

He dipped Willie just as the music changed again but Alex ignored the suddenly pumping hip hop vibes for a second longer, just staring into Willie’s eyes, before bringing him up again and letting him go.

It took them both a moment to readjust to the new music but they were both doing their best until a lively Irish jig forced them into yet another abrupt dancing change. As it turned out, neither Alex nor Willie had any idea how tap dance actually worked but they gave it their best shot, laughing.

Alex was already getting out of breath when they got blasted with something that sounded like Klingon death metal, which, in Alex’s ears, was more akin to screaming than actual music.

Willie grinned, reached behind and pulled his hair free, shaking it out before starting to headbang, leaving Alex blinking rapidly.

“Willie employs his signature deadly hair flip on his opponent, leaving him flustered.”

Alex glanced over at Julie in surprise. So she was joining in on this too now, was she? Julie shrugged and grinned at him.

Willie came out of the headbanging, brushing his hair back and grinning, when the music changed yet again, to Salsa. Willie took the lead this time, probably because Alex was, indeed, still flustered. Which wasn’t getting any better with being so close to Willie again all of a sudden but he managed without committing any blatant missteps, trusting in Willie’s guidance. And if he did step on his toes that one time, he was at least not wearing any shoes so Willie probably didn’t even notice!

And then the next music change came. And the next. And the next. Going from slow to fast and back again, spanning centuries of musical genres of Earth and a handful of other planets, Julie piping in as their occasional commentator, Luke, Reggie, and Flynn cheering them on.

Finally, they reached the one genre Alex had been waiting for: ballet.

Alex grinned and silently thanked Reggie, guessing his friend had moved that particular genre late into the mix on purpose. Because Reggie, of course, knew Alex’s old party trick: the fact that he could do actual pirouettes (and more) thanks to ballet lessons he’d attended as a kid and well into his teenage years.

While Willie did a passing imitation of some fake ballet moves, Alex took a steadying breath, got into fourth position, picked a spot, and started turning, lifting his right leg en passé and keeping his eyes locked onto the seam of the lift doors for as long as he could before whipping his head around. And around. And around.

Alex managed about five or six turns before starting to get slightly dizzy which was when he decided to abort in order to get a proper finish done instead of wobbling off into the buffet table.

He raised his arms and took a deep bow to the cheers and whoops of his friends.

“That was awesome!” Willie’s grin nearly split his face in half and Alex felt quite a different sort of dizziness all of a sudden.

“Hey, Alex! Finishing move!”

Alex turned around at Luke’s voice and saw him and Reggie lined up one behind the other, Luke on his knees in the front, waving to him, and Alex laughed. They hadn’t done _that_ in a while! Which might have been a reason not to do it but Alex just took a few steps back so he could get some momentum going before launching himself at his friends, sure that they would catch him. Luke grabbed his hips to steady Alex on his head as he came up, while Reggie caught him under the armpits, lifting him higher. Together, they all turned in a slow circle, Alex doing ‘swimming’ motions with his arms, laughing.

Willie, Julie, and Flynn clapped, the latter exclaiming excitedly: “That looks super fun! I want to try that, too!”

She motioned to Willie and Julie and started running before those two had had time to fully register her intent.

“Wait—“

“Flynn!”

But it was too late. Flynn threw herself at her two unprepared friends and though they tried to catch her, all three tumbled down in an abundance of tangled legs and arms in the middle of the corridor, shouts of surprise and hurt suddenly ringing out.

“Oh shit,” Luke quietly cursed and lowered Alex hastily back to the floor and he, Luke, and Reggie rushed to their fallen companions.

“Flynn, you can’t just do something stupid like that!” Julie groaned, trying to extricate herself.

But Flynn was murmuring a string of curse words through clenched teeth, holding her ankle.

“Here, let me see.” Alex kneeled down next to her and did a quick visual on Flynn’s ankle. Nothing was obviously broken or twisted into unnatural angles but the girl was clearly in pain.

“Can you get up?”

Flynn tried it with Alex and Julie’s help but quickly sank back to the floor.

“Okay.”

Alex looked over at Willie, who was back on his feet by now. He was rubbing his elbow but seemed otherwise unharmed.

“Can you get the lift? We need to get her to the infirmary so I can examine her foot.”

Willie nodded and turned towards the lift, while Alex focused back on Flynn.

“Okay. Put your hands around my neck and hold on tight, alright?”

She nodded and did as he’d told her. Alex then got one arm around her waist and the other under her knees, lifting her up; grunting a bit with the effort but very glad he managed it at all after his intense dance workout.

"I'm a bit sweaty, sorry."

Flynn's pained grimace dipped into a smile, which he took as a good sign.

Once inside the lift with Willie, he looked back at Julie and the guys and shrugged at them.

“Sorry, you’ll have to take the next one.” Then he glanced over at Willie who was staring at him. “Dude, we’ve got like a minute before I drop her so please push that button.”

Flynn’s arms tightened around his neck. “Yes, Willie, _push that button!”_

“Oh, right, sorry.”

Once in the med bay, Alex put Flynn carefully down on the bed, glad the ride in the lift had been a short one. He and Flynn both exhaled in relief.

“Thanks for not dropping me!”

Alex shrugged and smiled. “Guess it’s a good thing you didn’t stuff your face earlier like my two idiot friends.”

She giggled and then winced as Alex started to ease the high heels off her feet. She dropped her head.

“Sorry, that was a really stupid move of me back there,” she mumbled, then looked at him and Willie. “We didn’t even get to declare one of you guys winner!”

Alex shrugged again. “Reggie has probably already stress-eaten the last meatball sub by now.”

Willie appeared next to him, also smiling at Flynn.

“It was more about the fun anyway.”

“But you did have fun?” Flynn asked, looking from one to the other, and her sudden earnestness was truly endearing. And apparently also distracting her from Alex’s examination, which was a good thing.

“Yeah, I had fun,” Willie assured her and looked over at Alex, who nodded, though mostly concentrating on the readings of his medical tricorder.

Then he looked up and smiled. “Nothing too bad. You’re lucky! Though no more dancing for tonight, I’m afraid.”

In that moment, Julie, Reggie, and Luke squeezed into the med bay with them, all looking worried but once they were apprised of the examination results, they smiled with relief, crowding around Flynn on the bed until Alex shooed them off again so he could get back to treating Flynn’s ankle. He noticed the slight limp with which Julie walked to the side and made a mental note to examine her next.

“Thank God we have a good medic aboard,” Luke remarked with a smile in Alex’s direction.

“Well, to be fair,” Flynn said with a frown, carefully moving her newly bandaged ankle, “if we hadn’t rescued you three, we wouldn’t have had a party, and I wouldn’t need a medic now!”

“There’s a certain irrefutable logic to that,” Reggie conceded.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Julie laid her hand on Flynn’s knee with a smile.

Flynn reached for it, squeezing Julie’s fingers. “Sorry for being so stupid.”

Julie sighed dramatically. “Well, I’m used to it by now.”

“Hey!” Flynn slapped her playfully.

Alex smiled watching them.

“Okay, now that Flynn seems to be alright, how about you two?” He looked at Julie and Willie with raised eyebrows.

They waved his attention away but he was having none of that.

“You,” he pointed at Willie, ”were rubbing your elbow earlier and you, miss,” he turned to Julie, “were clearly limping. So who goes first? Because none of you is leaving this room before I haven’t had a look at you!”

Willie laughed. “You really _are_ bossy when in doctor mode!”

Alex simply nodded. “Yes. Which still doesn’t answer my question.”

“Willie, you go first,” Julie said.

The pilot seemed about to protest but something in Julie’s voice apparently made him reconsider and so he shrugged, turning to Alex.

“It’s really nothing though.”

“I will be the judge of that. Off with the jacket.”

Willie raised his eyebrows and grinned, shrugging out of his tailcoat. The elbow didn’t seem to give him any trouble but then Alex was already familiar with the pilot’s disregard for physical impairments.

Willie handed off his coat to Luke who accepted it with an amused grin. And yes, Alex was very aware of everyone staring at him and Willie, following their banter with very large grins on their faces! The fact that Alex kept remembering Willie’s and his earlier trip to the med bay only this morning wasn’t helping either.

He took Willie’s offered arm and slowly rolled the sleeve of his shirt up until he exposed the scraped elbow underneath. Fortunately, it really didn’t require much more than a quick pass with a dermal regenerator before the arm was as good as new.

“Thanks, doc!” Willie smiled fondly at him, rolling his sleeve back down and taking his tailcoat back from Luke, eyes never leaving Alex’s face.

Alex cleared his throat. “You’re very welcome.”

Then he turned abruptly to Julie and smiled at her. Julie bit her lip and Alex nodded, picking up on her hesitation.

“Okay. Guys? Out!” He herded Willie, Luke, and Reggie out of the infirmary. “And leave _some_ of the food for us, okay? We’ll be back with you in a minute.”

As soon as the guys had taken the lift back up, he turned once more to Julie who smiled gratefully at him.

“So, where does it hurt?”

She wrinkled her nose in embarrassment. “The back of my left leg and … uh … further up?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

Flynn pressed her lips together in an unsuccessful attempt to repress a giggle. “I’m so sorry I made you fall on your bum!”

Julie rolled her eyes. “You’re the worst!”

Flynn just giggled again.

“So, you’re okay if I take a look?” Alex hadn’t moved from his spot, not wanting to make Julie uncomfortable. Or _more_ uncomfortable that was.

“I … uh, guess?”

Alex smiled at her reassuringly and once more took his medical scanner and tricorder.

“Could you …?” He indicated her skirt and she nodded, lifting the garment away from her leg. He scanned for anything more serious but it all came down to a bit of bruising, painful as that probably was. Nothing he couldn’t treat with ease.

Once he was finished, Julie smoothed her skirt back down and smiled at him.

“You’re a really good doctor, Alex.”

“Uh … not a doctor yet, but thanks?”

“Well, then you’ll be a stellar one once you are!” Flynn nodded at him. She’d sat up while he was working on Julie, and was now swinging her legs back and forth.

“Thank you,” he repeated, truly grateful for the praise. This was, after all, what he wanted to do with his life so it felt good to know his first patients didn’t think him terrible at it. Even if he hadn’t had to do anything much.

“It’s just …” Julie bit her lip. “I don’t know. You seem very trustworthy and competent? Putting people at ease and all that and so this whole thing wasn’t half as weird as it might have been.”

Flynn leaned forward so she could pet his shoulder a bit awkwardly. “You’re a good guy, Alex.”

“… thanks?”

“Which is why we would be totally down with you and Willie hooking up,” Flynn continued, bestowing a dazzling smile at him.

“Uhm …”

"And we're not taking this lightly because we're _very_ protective when it comes to family and he’s basically like our brother now even though _Julie_ ,” Flynn gave her best friend a _look_ , “used to have the biggest crush on him when she was, like, five!”

Julie actually blushed at that but was quick to point out that that had been ages ago and was all ancient history and now she did, indeed, consider him as a sort of brother.

“I mean, I already told you that I think you two would be cute together,” she finished, smiling encouragingly at him.

Alex rather wished he could escape back to the dancing. Not that he wasn’t grateful for this endorsement as well but he didn’t really know what to say to that. Especially since Willie and he already _had_ hooked up. He considered telling them but it didn’t feel right to make that decision without Willie, so he just nodded awkwardly, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “We should probably head back to the others now though?”

Flynn patted his shoulder again.

“You’re really cute when you’re flustered but okay, we’ll let you off the hook for now.”

Flynn slipped off the bed, tentatively putting weight on her bandaged foot, and nodded in satisfaction. She and Julie made their way over to the lift while Alex quickly put everything away again.

“Ok,” he muttered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hope this was worth the wait! Some more dancing coming up in the next chapter and probably some more kissing ;D
> 
> And remember kids, drink responsibly and don't fling yourself at your friends without ample warning!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Not as long as the last one (which was an outlier) but I'm really happy with it so hope you'll enjoy it, too! ^^

When Alex and the girls re-joined the others, they were already eagerly awaited. Luke rushed up to Julie, wanting to make sure she was okay, and Willie smiled at Alex. With his recent conversation with the girls still rattling in the back of his mind, Alex blushed and bit his lip, shifting his attention quickly towards the buffet, and trying to ignore Willie’s look of slight confusion.

He scanned the options. “So, what have you left for us?”

“You can have the last meatball sub,” Reggie offered. “Willie ceded the win to you in your absence.”

“You did?” Alex turned a questioning look at Willie, who had come over, standing so close it made Alex’s skin prickle with the need to touch him.

Willie shrugged. “Yeah, those pirouettes were a complete game changer.” He grinned and Alex bit his lip again because the urge to just lean in and kiss Willie was becoming more overwhelming by the second.

“We could share.” The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them. He laughed a bit awkwardly, shaking his hair out of his face. “I mean … you had some pretty awesome moves yourself so I don’t know if I can accept the victory with a good conscience,” he added.

Willie’s dimples deepened. “Yeah, okay. I’m fine with sharing.”

Reggie cleared his throat, reminding Alex of his presence. “Okay, I’ll leave you guys to your _shared_ victory then.”

He walked off with an exaggerated wink and Alex scrunched up his face in embarrassment.

“Guess they’re not the only ones who aren’t subtle, huh?” he murmured.

Willie leaned a bit closer, grinning. “No. But you’re cute when you’re all flustered.”

Hearing those words for the second time that evening within the span of just a few minutes did nothing to make Alex feel any less self-conscious.

“And the dancing?” Willie continued. “You really were amazing. Mesmerising!”

Alex’s heart did a pretty good impression of Klingon death metal inside his chest while his brain tried to remember how to form sentences. Or words. Or just sounds really.

“And I kinda like it when you get all bossy.” Willie’s eyebrows twitched suggestively and Alex gulped.

“Okay, I think I should really eat something now or I might just pass out,” he croaked, not caring how pathetic that made him sound and Willie’s answering laugh at least reassured him that he apparently found him funny rather than strange.

Willie nodded, still grinning. “You _did_ do all the heavy lifting so I guess that’s fair.” He grabbed a plate. “Here, let me.”

Alex watched as Willie piled food onto the plate for him, only shaking his head when Willie got to the miniature hamburgers.

“I want the one without cheese.”

Willie complied but completely ignored Alex’s next protest about the _amount_ of food Willie was putting onto that plate.

“We can share,” Willie said with a wink and Alex shut up again.

Despite being undeniably hungry, Alex wasn’t sure if he would be very successful at swallowing his food but once he and Willie settled down side by side on two of the chairs and Willie steadied the plate on his knee between them, he dug in nevertheless.

Because dancing was hard work after all.

And while Willie’s presence never failed to make him tingle all over, it was also weirdly calming now they were sitting down, shoulders almost touching, debating which of the foods had come out best.

The others were still clustered at the other end of the room so Alex, between bites, mentioned how Flynn and Julie had basically given them their blessing.

Willie’s face lit up. “Did they?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how long we can keep this pretension up. I mean, Luke and Reggie are probably only buying it because they know I’m a disaster when it comes to dating so …” Alex froze, eyes darting to Willie. “Uh … I mean …”

“I’m sure you’re not a disaster. But just in case …” Willie leaned closer, a _very_ dangerous look on his face, “you can ruin me any time, buffer boy.”

Alex gaped at him for what felt like a solid minute before finally scraping enough brain cells together to close his mouth.

He swallowed, hard, and cleared his throat.

“Okay, honestly? You got to stop saying things like that if you don’t want me to spontaneously combust, especially when I may or may not be a tiny bit drunk and you’re looking like _that_!” He waved an accusatory hand at Willie’s outfit and general hotness. “Eat your meatball sub.”

He shoved Willie’s half of it across the plate, nearly spilling his cheese-free mini hamburger into Willie’s lap in the process, while Willie was having a hard time suppressing the laughter that was shaking his body. Which did nothing to steady the plate he was still holding in one hand.

Alex sighed. “Here, give me that.“ He grabbed the plate to save the food and Willie just burst out laughing, doubling over and slapping his thigh.

“What’s going on _here_?”

Luke had sauntered over, grinning widely, and looked at Willie—still laughing—and Alex—holding the plate of food, frown on his face.

“Nothing.” Alex elbowed Willie, trying to get him to stop but to no avail. “It wasn’t even really funny?!”

Willie was wheezing now, tears in his eyes.

Alex leaned towards Luke, confiding in a stage-whisper: “I think he may be a bit drunk.”

For some indiscernible reason, that just set Willie off again.

Luke shook his head in mock exasperation. “Okay, no more alcohol for either of you!”

“Hey!”

But Luke ignored him and Willie was still laughing.

“Okay … maybe that’s fair,” Alex acquiesced and bit into his mini hamburger.

By now, Reggie, Flynn, and Julie had joined them, watching Willie slowly regaining his composure, equally amused and confused.

“They’re just weird,” Luke explained with a shrug and to be honest, that was probably an accurate statement, Alex mused.

“So, do you guys want to dance some more or …?” Flynn looked around at them.

“But Alex said no more dancing for you!” Julie pointed out and Alex felt like he should probably confirm that with a nod.

Flynn shrugged. “That doesn’t mean _you_ can’t dance! I’ll just mind the music and the rest of the food. Not that there’s that much left because some of us,” she raised her eyebrows at Luke and Reggie, “were apparently very hungry.”

“Hey, it’s not our fault we still have the metabolisms of seventeen-year-olds!” Reggie protested with raised hands.

“Not just the metabolisms,” Alex muttered, which prompted another giggling fit from Willie.

“Anyway,” Luke interjected, “if you’re really cool with it, Flynn, I wouldn’t mind some more dancing. I guess Alex and Willie have done enough of it but my feet are still itching.”

Julie snorted.

But when Luke looked at the others, they all nodded and even Willie sobered up enough to say that he was up for a bit more dancing.

* * *

Flynn ended up sitting on the table with her ‘DJ pad,’ moving her upper body to the beat, her own plate next to her, piled high with food, Alex and the others in a loose half-circle around her.

With Reggie and Julie both gravitating towards Luke, it was inevitable that Willie and Alex wound up mostly dancing together, which Alex certainly didn’t mind. And when Flynn changed the music to something slow and Willie moved closer, he didn’t resist as Willie drew him in at the hips. He brought his hands up to Willie’s shoulders, letting him lead for now, happy just to follow. He lost himself in being close to Willie, in his eyes and that soft smile, warm hands on his hips, and thought that this would make a very good eternity.

Flynn’s voice, suddenly ringing out, startled him out of his reverie.

“Ugh, just kiss already!” Julie must have given her one of her patented dirty looks because Flynn immediately followed up with: “What? It’s what we’re all thinking, right?”

Alex blushed and was about to glance over at Luke and the others when an insistent tug at his hips brought his focus back to Willie.

“Are we all thinking that?” he asked, lips curling into a smile.

Alex’s gaze zeroed in on Willie’s teeth biting down on his bottom lip. He forgot the audience around them and brought his thumb up to draw Willie’s lip away from his teeth, lingering just a moment before taking hold of his face with both hands and claiming his mouth in a kiss that was fuelled by every kiss Alex had denied himself throughout this evening. Willie’s response was hardly less eager, hands drawing him nearer, mouth opening willingly under him.

Alex became only gradually aware of the cheers breaking out around them but at some point, he did remember that Willie and he were not alone and broke off the kiss rather abruptly, to Willie’s obvious disappointment.

Letting go of him, Alex ducked his head and took a step back, bumping into Luke, who steadied him and laughed, squeezing his shoulders affectionately.

“That was pretty hot!” Reggie commented and Alex saw Willie nodding out of the corner of his eye. Willie was looking somewhat dazed and even though Alex was totally embarrassed right now, that sight made him smile to himself.

Flynn was clapping excitedly, nearly vibrating off the edge of the table.

“I knew a party would work! Nobody can resist the music and dancing, especially not when I’m providing the beats!” She beamed at them. “You can thank me by inviting me to the wedding and making sure that everybody knows that _I_ brought you together!”

“Of course you’re invited to the wedding but technically, you didn’t bring us together since this wasn’t our first kiss.”

Willie had casually taken hold of Alex’s hand, and was now smiling at him, while Alex was still trying to process the fact that they were suddenly talking weddings?

The others broke into a chaotic cacophony of incredulity and cheering and Luke was slapping Alex’s shoulder again.

“Oh I knew I was good but not I even I thought my pep talk this morning—that Reggie totally slept through, by the way—would make you get your act together quite that fast! You sly dog!” He was grinning proudly at Alex. “So that means _I_ brought you together, right?”

“I think they brought themselves together, Luke!“ Julie crossed her arms but smiled at Alex and Willie. “And I’m glad you did!”

She came up and hugged both of them, which started a whole hugging parade that Alex only half registered because he was still thinking about weddings.

“So when _was_ your first kiss, then?” Reggie asked eagerly and Alex tried to focus back on his friends.

“Oooh, I bet it was when you two put on your outfits and realised how hot you are and then you were just overcome by your desire and couldn’t hold back anymore!”

Willie laughed. “Wrong again, Flynn! Though there might have been some kissing going on then.” He looked over at Alex with a fond smile, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. “But the first kiss was this morning, in the med bay.”

Reggie nodded sagely. “Home turf advantage!” He and Luke high-fived without looking at each other.

“So why didn’t you tell us?” Luke pouted.

“Because you were being so obnoxious and meddlesome,” Alex replied.

“Hey, not fair!” Luke punched his arm. “You came to _us_ for help, remember? Because _‘oooh change is scary and I’m not sure Willie really likes me and I’m a disaster when it comes to flirting so please help me because you’re totally awesome!’_ ”

Reggie nodded along while the girls snorted. Willie just grinned and turned towards Alex.

“You weren’t sure if I liked you?”

He seemed inappropriately delighted by this piece of information and Alex squirmed under his gaze.

“Well … I thought you did but …” Alex tried to let go of his hand but Willie just held it tighter. “Anyway …”

Willie took pity on him and focused back on the others.

“We just wanted to see how far you’d escalate the whole ‘bringing us together’ scheming,” he explained with a shrug. “And it was certainly a lot of fun!”

“So that’s why you were laughing your head off just now?” Luke tilted his to the side.

“No that was because Alex was being adorable and berating me for flustering him when he doesn’t even realise what he’s doing to me all this time!”

Willie squeezed his fingers and grinned up at him, then laughed at the confusion that was no doubt plain on Alex’s face.

“You know, with all that sexy dancing and lip biting and transparent shirt and casually carrying people around like a superhero …”

“I … what?”

Alex looked down at his shirt in horror and though it wasn’t transparent per se, it was definitely a lot less opaque than he’d hitherto presumed it to be.

“Why did nobody tell me?” he croaked, staring at his friends, before quickly snatching his pink jacket from the chair where he’d deposited it earlier, shrugging it on in a hurry, and fighting with the sleeves and cuffs and buttons. But at least feeling less exposed now!

“You surely didn’t expect _me_ to complain?!” Willie laughed.

Flynn was dangling her legs and grinning widely. “I didn’t mind the eye candy either!”

Since he was clearly getting no support from that side, Alex looked at Luke and Reggie, who shrugged in unison.

“We just thought you’d made a bold fashion choice, trying to seduce Willie,” Luke explained.

“Although we probably should have guessed the truth. Only you can manage to wear a see-through shirt without noticing it,” Reggie added with a smirk.

“Seduction by accident accomplished though, I’d say.”

Julie nudged Alex’s arm and looked over at Willie, who nodded, wide smile still plastered on his face.

“Did you know this outfit came with a semi-transparent shirt?” Alex asked him with sudden suspicion.

“I did not but I most definitely approve. Even if it’s been driving me crazy all evening.”

Alex blushed and fiddled with the cuffs of his traitorous shirt.

“Gee, I think we broke Alex!”

Reggie did not look the least bit remorseful.

Alex was still squirming with embarrassment when Willie tugged him closer, putting one arm around his waist and placing a soft kiss to his cheek before drawing him into a hug.

“Just ignore them,” he whispered as Alex hid his face in the crook of Willie’s neck.

And Alex almost did manage to ignore the chorus of “awwww” ringing out as he slowly started to relax in Willie’s embrace.

“You’re all idiots,” he grumbled through strands of Willie’s hair, and returned the hug, holding Willie as close as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tell me, on a scale from 1 to 10, how much did you enjoy all the Flustered Alex Deluxe in this chapter? XD I certainly had a lot of fun writing it. And since there's currently a decided lack of hugs happening in my life (duh!), Alex is going to get all of them ;D


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter has been a bastard all the way through, fighting me almost every step (except for the very end) and I hope it's not too apparent. This was just a very exhausting week at work but I really wanted to get this out to you because it'll be the last one for this year.  
> I'll be going on an Internet hiatus while staying at my sister's for the holidays (though hopefully not a writing hiatus) and so a) I wanted to warn you about that and b) I really wanted to get this damn day finished this year (it's been going on for what ... six chapters now?!?! That's half the story!!!)
> 
> So this is a short chapter. Or a long chapter. Depending which one you choose to read because fuck me but I did write the smut version of this. I posted it as a separate story [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178163) so I can keep the rating on this one. The chapters are identical except for the huge chunk in the middle (I thought it would be shorter but as always, these characters do what they want) and obviously you can just ignore the smut version without missing out on anything really important!
> 
> I don't know ... see you on the other side?

Eventually, Flynn turned up the music again, Alex reappeared out of Willie’s embrace, and even his blush receded somewhat although his friends’ scrutiny seemed to increase, if possible, instead of lessening, as he had hoped since their objective of bringing them together had been accomplished.

He should have been more relaxed, now that Willie and he no longer had to hide, but he felt restless and self-conscious and things didn’t get better when Reggie starting teasing him about the bunk sharing and that he probably couldn’t wait to get Willie alone, delivered with the most suggestive wink imaginable. And of course Flynn and Luke were eager to hop onto _that_ train of thought and while Julie didn’t exactly join the teasing, she did laugh as well, and then there was Willie, looking all gorgeous and grinning and was Alex looking forward to being alone with him again? Yes, very much. But was he also terrified of it? Yes, very much!

If anyone (Willie) had come up and asked him if he wanted to go and do some screaming in the engine room again, he’d have jumped at the opportunity. As it was, sneaking out by himself was clearly not an option. So in an effort to distract himself, he started cleaning away empty plates and cups, even though he knew that was usually considered rude party behaviour. Luckily for him, the others were so engrossed in their conversation they didn’t notice.

He’d started at the far end of the table but when he got closer to the others, Willie’s arm sneaked out and around Alex’s waist, drawing him nearer.

The grin on Willie’s face turned into a frown as he looked at him.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, leaning in.

“Yeah, I’m fine, you just startled me.” Alex huffed out a short laugh, a failed attempt at levity, and shook the hair out of his face.

Willie’s frown deepened.

“I’m fine,” Alex reiterated, pressing his hip against Willie’s, and forcing his mouth into a smile.

Great, he was already lying to his boyfriend!

Willie didn’t seem to believe him entirely but he smiled back anyway, fingers curling into Alex’s jacket.

And to his own surprise, Alex slowly started to relax against him.

* * *

The party fizzled out into midnight snacking and talking, as these things are wont to do, and since Alex didn’t feel very chatty, he was content to just snuggle up against Willie, grumbling occasionally if the pilot started talking too animatedly and he got jostled as a result. Willie was always quick to apologise, pressing a kiss to the top of Alex’s head and running his fingers through Alex’s hair until Alex relaxed again.

This, Alex decided, would make another good eternity.

Eventually though, the party was broken up officially and after some half-hearted cleaning, everybody retreated to their respective cabins. Luckily, Reggie and Luke restrained themselves and only winked as Willie and Alex walked into the elevator together.

The ride was short and silent and Alex didn’t look at Willie but felt Willie’s eyes on him, burning skin and nerves, and a prickly sort of heat nibbled at his ears, his toes, and tongue; rolled deep in his gut, and singed the butterflies.

Reaching the cabin, Willie stepped aside to let Alex go ahead of him, echoing their first night of bunk sharing.

The cabin was mostly dark as he entered it. The _Phantom_ had long since gone into night mode, with only minimal illumination for orientation, so everything was dark corners and starlight and potential.

Alex licked his lips, hands held stiffly by his sides so he wouldn’t curl them into fists, and turned towards Willie, peering at him from behind strands of hair.

He hadn’t expected to see Willie nervous, too.

Coming closer with halting steps, Willie pressed his lips together and slowly reached out to brush the hair out of Alex’s face. He looked at him, searching his eyes, and let his hand drop again.

“We don’t have to do anything.” He swallowed and Alex was mesmerised by the way his Adam’s apple bopped up and down. “We can just … cuddle and go to sleep. Whatever you want, Alex.”

It was the first time he’d called him by his name.

Alex looked back up again, at the way the passing starlight shone in Willie’s eyes and on his hair, at the tiny insecure half-smile on his lips, and Alex teetered on the spot, hesitated, before taking hold of Willie’s face and kissing him, breathless, and mindless, and never wanting to stop.

* * *

Once their laboured breaths had evened out some, Willie slid off Alex and tumbled onto his back next to him on the bed, right leg still thrown half across him. He turned his head to look at Alex and Alex was sure that the dopey grin on Willie’s face was mirrored on his own.

He half-turned and brushed a strand of hair back from Willie’s face, tugging it behind his ear. His fingers caressed his cheek, the curve of his jaw, and his heart was filled with cotton and lead, and he knew that it was something else entirely after all.

Willie turned his head so he could press a soft kiss on Alex’s palm.

“We should probably clean up a little, huh?”

Alex let his hand fall and groaned, causing Willie to laugh.

“Come on …”

Willie grabbed his hand and tugged him out of bed with him, Alex nearly stumbling over his own goddamn shoes on the way to the bathroom.

Okay, so they did look like a hot mess, Alex decided, squinting against the bright light. He couldn’t wait to get back to the comfortable darkness of the cabin and the bed and into Willie’s arms, so he hurried through the whole cleaning up thing as fast as possible.

But on his way back, he did scoop up their assorted clothes, smoothing out the jackets—he didn’t have high hopes for the wrinkles in their shirts—and pushing their shoes to the side so nobody would fall over them. When he looked up, he saw Willie watching him with a fond smile and he blushed slightly, glancing down again.

He was startled when Willie threw some clean underwear at him, followed by socks. No shirt though. When Alex complained about that, Willie just shrugged.

“Your license to wear t-shirts to my bed has unfortunately expired.”

Alex smirked. “’Unfortunately,’ huh?”

Willie shrugged again but the grin on his lips was decidedly mischievous.

Alex put on the briefs and then started pulling on his socks, as well.

“Glad I got these at least.”

Willie shrugged for the third time.

“I figured, since you wear them to bed, you probably get cold feet and I don’t need icy toes rubbing against me.”

“Uhm …” Alex halted in the middle of pulling on his second sock, suddenly feeling self-conscious again.

Willie came up to him, pressing a short kiss to his temple and then steadying him, laughing, when that nearly toppled Alex over.

“Just come to bed, Alex.”

The words were soft and Alex nearly relaxed again, when Willie slapped his ass with a wink before climbing into the bunk and patting the space next to him, by the window. Which meant Alex had to crawl over him to get to his usual sleeping spot.

Alex sighed.

“Okay.”

But instead of crawling over Willie, Alex decided to just flop onto him, as punishment for the ass slapping.

Willie “ough”ed under him but then wrapped his arms around Alex, and Alex had to admit at least to himself that he was rather glad he _wasn’t_ wearing a shirt right now.

They did eventually wriggle into a more comfortable position that had Alex lying only halfway on Willie. The bed seemed suddenly very spacious to him.

He listened to Willie’s steady heartbeat and enjoyed the way Willie’s breath rustled his hair.

“Were you really not sure if I liked you?” Willie asked, startling Alex out of his half-doze.

“Hm?”

“You know, what Luke said.”

The soft fingers running through Alex’s hair made it hard to concentrate but Alex managed to remember that he had a friend whose name was Luke, and even finally recalled the way Luke had made fun of him earlier that evening.

“Well, no. I mean, I was sure that you liked me but … not if you, you know, _liked_ liked me?”

Willie huffed out a small laugh.

“And here I was flirting my ass off in the most unsubtle way possible!”

“Yeah, I … I did notice that,” Alex replied defensively, hand curling into their blanket.

“Not always,” Willie muttered but Alex ignored him.

“I just wasn’t sure if you really meant anything by it.”

Willie turned his head and placed a small kiss on Alex’s hair.

“I don’t know how I could possibly have made myself any plainer!”

“But that’s just it … you were too, too confident in your flirting and I didn’t know if that’s maybe just how you _are_. I didn’t want to assume …” Alex started plucking at the blanket’s threads. “I’m … not really good at this whole flirting thing and it can get really awkward if you think someone’s interested in you and you finally pluck up your courage and take the next step and then it turns out it was all just a misunderstanding and he never meant anything more by it than a harmless flirtation and then suddenly you can’t go to that particular mess hall anymore even though they have ‘real pizza’ Fridays and all your friends hate you for it.”

Alex swallowed and curled his toes tightly together at the memory. It had taken the others _months_ to convince him to return to the Robert April hall for pizza Friday, and then it only worked because they were threatening to go there anyway, leaving him behind.

“I’m sorry.”

Willie’s soft voice reminded Alex that that whole mortifying ordeal had been a long time ago and Chris Merten was twenty-five years older now. He let go of the blanket and splayed his fingers against Willie’s warm skin. Willie was definitely a much nicer person than Chris and at least twice as pretty.

“What finally convinced you I really meant it?”

Willie’s arm tightened around him, thumb rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“Yesterday, when you said you were glad we got to meet, even though the whole _Sunset Curve_ thing is … well.” Had that really been only the previous day? It felt weeks ago, with all that had happened afterwards. “You weren’t smooth then, just … sincere.”

He could feel Willie nod above him.

“I’m really glad I convinced you in the end.”

Alex tipped his head back so he could smile at Willie.

“I’m really glad, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it (whatever version you ended up reading) and if Christmas is something you celebrate: have happy holidays, and if not: have happy random weeks, and we'll hopefully read each other in the next year!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!! Later than I hoped but sooner than I expected ;D 
> 
> I hope you all had a good start into 2021 and if not, here's some fluffy space boys in love AND we get a little deeper into the buffer boys' past, which I didn't see coming but worked itself in there anyway.
> 
> And in case you're wondering: no, there are no plans for further extended smut chapters from here on out.

When Alex drifted awake, there was a pleasant heaviness to his limbs and thoughts, and a vague glow of happiness. Which only increased when he realised that he was not alone in bed, that Willie was curled around him, holding him close.

He lightly ran his thumb over Willie's arm and was surprised when Willie hummed and murmured “Good morning” against his neck, followed by a small kiss.

Alex craned his head and then turned carefully over in Willie's arms so he could look at his newly acquired boyfriend, slinging his arm around him.

He smiled and rubbed a thumb over Willie's spine. “You're still here.”

Willie chuckled. “Where else would I be?”

Alex blushed and bit his lip.

“I don't know ... doing important ship things? You were always gone when I woke up.”

Willie smiled and kissed the tip of Alex's nose.

“Silly ... that was just so I wouldn't get tempted by the very pretty, very _tempting_ man in my bed! I actually managed to cuddle up to you _twice_ while sleeping so—”

“Twice?”

Willie grinned.

“Oh ... so you were awake that last time, huh? I wasn't sure.”

Alex squirmed a bit and blushed again.

“Yes,” he admitted eventually. “It was ... kind of the catalyst for my whole, uh, breakdown thing.”

Willie drew his eyebrows together and brought his hand up to gently stroke Alex's cheek.

“Oh Alex, I'm so sorry.”

“No, don't be.” Alex took Willie's hand, curling his fingers around it. “I'm really glad it happened. And not just because the cuddling felt nice but ... I needed that breakdown, I think. To really deal with everything and ... it led to _this_ so ...”

He didn’t truly believe that he was done dealing with the _Sunset Curve_ and Bobby and the fact they had missed out on twenty-five years. He wouldn't be for a long time. But he smiled at Willie, whose features softened while smiling back. Willie slipped his hand out of Alex's fingers and tightened his arms around him once more, touching his forehead to Alex's.

“I'm definitely grateful to sleep me if the whole unsolicited cuddling thing is responsible for _this_.”

Alex laughed.

“It might have been a bit more than _just_ that. There was that whole half-naked in sickbay thing after all.”

“Which I thought you completely missed because of doctor mode,” Willie chuckled.

“Nah ... I missed only like a third of it. At most!”

“If you say so, doc ...”

Willie leaned in to kiss him, and Alex and his butterflies agreed that they never wanted to wake up to an empty bed ever again.

"This is nice," he murmured against Willie's lips.

"It is," Willie agreed and propped his head up on his elbow, drawing patterns onto Alex's chest.

Alex ran his fingers through Willie's hair, trying to comb the tangles out of it.

"I've never been with a man with such long hair before," he mused, carefully teasing two strands apart. "But I like it! Even if it tickles occasionally."

Willie chuckled and patted Alex’s head.

"You have very pretty hair, too!"

Alex snorted, rolling his eyes, but then he remembered how Willie had called him 'radiant' the night before and a deep blush spread across his cheeks, burning his throat.

Willie's eyebrows rose, eyes crinkling with a smile. "What's gotten into you now, huh?"

Alex hid his face by pressing it against Willie's chest. "Nothing," he choked out rather strangled. "Just happy," he eventually added, softly, nuzzling warm skin.

Willie didn't answer but he curled his arms around Alex, pulling him with him as he rolled onto his back so Alex came to rest across him, and pressed a kiss against his hairline.

They lay like that for a while, before Willie broke the silence:

"You know, you still haven't told me how you knew how to do those pirouettes."

Alex propped his chin on Willie's chest and looked at him, grinning.

"You thinking a lot about those pirouettes?"

Willie scrunched up his face before he broke into an easy laugh.

"Well, they _were_ damn sexy!"

Alex shrugged.

"I took ballet lessons until I was ... seventeen? eighteen?"

Willie's eyes glinted.

"That explains those gorgeous legs and your magnificent ass!” He patted the ass in question affectionately. “Oooh ... I would have _loved_ to see you in ballet tights!"

Alex blushed a little but he still grinned at Willie before nipping sharply at his skin.

"You've already seen me without any clothes at all, isn't that enough?"

Willie's chest was rising and falling rapidly.

"I don't think it ever will be ..."

He dragged Alex's face up so he could kiss him, hard, and insistent, and Alex was only too glad to give everything he had.

* * *

It was quite some time later that Alex and Willie left their cabin and made their way to the upper deck where their friends awaited them with whistling and teasing but also, mercifully, with coffee and breakfast.

Alex felt bad that Luke, Reggie, and the girls had brought everything back to order while he and Willie had been occupied with other things, but they apparently didn't mind.

“So, how'd you sleep?” Reggie asked with a wink.

Alex drowned his blush in his mug and mumbled something unintelligible whereas Willie beamed.

“Great. Once we got around to it.”

Alex nearly choked on his coffee and coughed while the others broke out into giggles and whooping. Luke and Reggie had the gall to actually high-five each other!

Willie patted Alex's back.

“What?” he asked, looking all innocent and, damn him, cute.

Alex straightened up again, clearing his throat.

“Don't feed the animals,” he croaked. “It's bad enough they're so invested in my love life, I don't need them sticking their curious noses into my sex life as well!”

Luke pouted.

“Aww, Alex, come on! We're your best friends!”

Reggie put his elbows on the table, settling his chin in his hands, and turned the puppy dog eyes to full force.

“Yeah, Alex. How's the sex life going?”

Flynn, sitting next to Reggie, copied him and now Alex was confronted with two pairs of eager eyes and Luke and Julie weren't much better.

Alex glared at them all.

Reggie and Flynn shrugged and slid their elbows slightly to the left so they were now looking at Willie.

“So, Willie, how's the sex life going?” Flynn asked casually.

Willie laughed, hand still resting easily on Alex's back.

“Fantastic, thanks, Flynn.”

Alex groaned and let his head fall to the table with a loud thud.

“What?” Willie asked again with a laugh. “You didn't want me to lie, did you?”

Alex just groaned louder and put his arms over his head.

“Someone just tell me when we'll reach the starbase!”

* * *

But despite the unavoidable teasing of his friends, reaching Starbase 16 was definitely not something Alex looked forward to. He was mostly able to ignore it those first few days after the party, losing himself in Willie, trying to tune out his friends' teasing and, later, complaints about them being so ridiculously and sickeningly cute together, but the thought sneaked around him, cropped up unbidden in unguarded moments, and Alex still didn't know what was going to happen when their little flying paradise reached civilisation.

Well, he did knew that they would have to report to the base's commander so she could relay their story to Starfleet and then, presumably, they would be ordered back to Earth, no doubt boarding the same vessel that would bring Flynn to the Academy. They would be debriefed, either on the base or later, on the Starfleet ship; they would have to write reports about things they hardly remembered and understood even less; and they would be welcomed back by people they didn't know or didn't know anymore.

They would contact their families, or whatever was left of them.

They would try to find their places in a world that had changed around them during their bout of non-existence.

They would adapt.

He just didn't know how Willie fit into this.

Being with him was easy.

Even though Alex was still regularly flustered by his beauty and smiles and the simple fact that he wanted him at all.

Even though Willie could tease him just as bad as Luke and Reggie did—but then he still loved those two idiots so that didn't mean much.

It was easy even though there were times when it seemed everything was too much and too bright and he wondered how Willie could be so happy and carefree when the stars rushing past always reminded Alex of the fleeting nature of their shared happiness.

Every morning he woke up in Willie’s arms was a blessing but it also meant that one more day had disappeared into the hungry maws of the past.

He hid those thoughts from everyone of course. He might have discussed them with his friends but the _Phantom_ was small and he spent every moment with Willie and so there wasn't really a good opportunity to talk to them in private. But then again, there was nothing they could tell him that he wasn't already trying to tell himself.

Alex wasn't good with changes. Not with abrupt ones, for sure, but sometimes he thought those changes you saw coming from miles away were even worse. Never mind that you could _prepare_ yourself for them; for him, it just meant he could worry for a lot longer before anything had even happened yet. It had been that way when he left kindergarten for elementary school, and then, when he left that for high school. And it had been that way not just with life altering changes but also with vacations coming up or coming to an end, with doctor's appointments and ballet performances and exams, with anything that disrupted his normal routine.

Things got better once he had Luke and Reggie and Bobby because not only were they're reassuring him and calming him down, they also presented themselves as a continued disruption to his calm life; always coming up with plans and new things to try, and selling them to him as a sort of confrontational therapy. The most infuriating thing was that it worked, mostly, and Alex was very sure that he would never have had the balls to apply to Starfleet without his friends. In the end, they convinced him that it would be a more frightening alternative to do something else, which would inevitably mean having to find new friends, instead of just coming with them. And he would follow Luke, Reggie, and Bobby anywhere. So he did.

But now, he was being torn in two because how could he follow his friends when it meant leaving Willie behind? And how could he follow Willie—if the pilot even wanted that—when it meant turning away from Luke and Reggie?

Alex was restless, and worried, and scared, and the fact that Willie didn't seem worried at all had him worried the most. Surely, if he was as important to Willie as the _Phantom_ 's pilot had so quickly become to him, he would be a lot less carefree.

And the fact that there was just nothing really to _do_ on board the ship made things even worse. They played board games, which Alex found hard to concentrate on. They had drawn out conversations, but Alex didn't feel much like talking about the Academy, and increasingly, he noted Flynn losing interest in the topic, too, because it probably reminded her that the moment of parting from Julie was also drawing nearer. Julie, on the other hand, didn't seem to relish the topic for her own reasons. It didn't seem like she had made up her mind yet either.

Alex wished he could just stay in bed with Willie and ignore the outside world, the ship, their destination, and time itself.

* * *

He eventually did find something to do but it was unexpected and not what he would have chosen. As so often, it was Reggie's fault although Alex knew he really only had himself to blame. It started with his restless hands kneading Reggie's shoulders when he was standing behind his chair after breakfast.

Reggie went boneless instantly, breaking off whatever he had been saying, and closed his eyes, sighing deeply, mouth hanging open in bliss.

“It's been _ages_ since you've done that, Alex!”

Alex only hummed distractedly, trying to work out the kinks in Reggie's shoulders, but Luke was quick to jump in, demanding to be next, and soon everyone was clamouring for shoulder massages.

“You know what you should do, though, Alex? _Real_ massages!” Turning to Julie, Flynn, and Willie, Luke went on to explain: “Because he can, actually. He took that extra class last year—” he checked himself, “or rather, twenty-six years ago, I guess. But anyway, it was the best time _ever_ because he practised on the three of us and I swear, Bobby, Reggie, and I have never been so relaxed in our _lives_! Alex just has the most magical hands!”

Reggie was still lolling his head and melting under Alex's hands, but he managed an affirmative hum and a thumbs-up.

Willie's eyebrows and lips twitched. “I totally agree with that last statement but how come I didn't know about the massage thing yet?”

Alex blushed a little. “It's more physical therapy than just massage, really.”

He shrugged and let go of Reggie, who immediately whined and turned his head to look up at Alex with big, pleading eyes until Alex sighed and resumed his massage, though maybe kneading that one stubborn knot in Reggie's shoulder with a bit more vehemence, earning himself a strangled groan from Reggie.

Luke just waved a dismissive hand. “Same difference.”

Julie cocked her head to the side. “The _Phantom_ could definitely use a spa. We could set Alex up in sickbay, which is perfect for that purpose!”

“Oh yes!” Flynn hopped up and down on her seat. “That will be awesome! And it would be a nice way of repaying us for rescuing you and for setting you up with Willie, you know? I mean, we did throw a whole party just so you two could show off your dancing skills to each other like sexy mating birds!”

She winked at Alex who just rolled his eyes.

But Willie laughed and everyone was suddenly very enthusiastic about the _Phantom Spa_ idea and so what could Alex do but relent in the end?

Despite the girls' protests, Luke and Reggie claimed the first two sessions for themselves because they had 'older rights to Alex's magical hands' and they apparently had to make sure they were still up to scratch before letting him loose on the girls. Ever the gentlemen! Willie, everyone agreed, had to go last, because, as Flynn put it, they might never get their chance otherwise with Alex being too occupied with his boyfriend! There was also some mention of her preferring his hands on her before he got them on Willie, which made no sense to Alex, since he was of course going to wash his hands in-between sessions anyway and also: he got his hands on Willie every night! But since Willie didn't argue the point, neither did Alex.

All in all, Alex was glad that he would be starting with Reggie and Luke, whose bodies were as familiar to him as their banter. It had been a bit weird at first, back when he started taking the class, but Alex had been convinced by one of his favourite teachers that a hands-on knowledge of bodies was essential for becoming a good doctor, actually feeling muscle tissue and bones and the way bodies were constructed instead of just reading screen diagrams, and when he had asked his friends whether they would be okay with him practising on them, they had been more than enthusiastic.

And so drawn-out Saturday spa days had suddenly been a thing they did. Bobby had managed to sniff up some real alcohol, Luke had flirted one of the cafeteria staff into sneaking out some treats for them, and Reggie was in charge of the music. Those had been some of the best days they had had at the Academy. Just lounging around, laughing, Alex with his hands and mind occupied, feeling useful and basking in the boys' praises and assurances that he was steadily getting better.

They'd known each other for ages by that point, long summers of skinny dipping in the sea and wrestling for the last piece of pie building a steady and reliable basis of trust between them. Not even his coming out had changed the way the boys behaved around him, hadn't changed Luke's constant need to throw his arm around his friends, Reggie's habit of cuddling up to whoever was available, or Bobby and his friendly headlocks, ruffling hair and shirts.

It had taken Alex a while to figure out that he was gay, that his disinterest in girls wasn't just because he was lagging behind in that particular department or that he just hadn't met the right ones yet, so by the time he was sure, when he'd realised that all his romantic notions somehow featured boys instead of girls, they had been friends for so long that he had worried what it would do to their friendship.

It had taken him weeks to work up enough courage to come out to them only to be told that they'd always suspected. It had felt like all the air had been let out of him along with the worries, an anticlimax that he had welcomed while being completely bowled over by it. He hadn't understood how they could just not care. And when he had tentatively pointed that out, when he'd voiced his concern about what would happen if he should fall in love with one of them, they laughed, and hugged him, and told him that they'd see about that then, if it ever came to it, and besides, they already knew he loved them anyway. Which was true.

By the time Starfleet and the physical therapy class rolled around, he'd long gotten past his awkwardness at touching them, which had only ever been one-sided anyway.

And so maybe this was a good idea after all. He’d have something to do. He could check up on Julie and her plans, have that chat with the guys, and yes, maybe it would be a good thing if Willie came last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: I hope you enjoyed it and aren't too frustrated I shoved the actual massages back a chapter (I'm sorry, merihn!). That next chapter will have lots of naked skin, sure, but mostly, it will have ALL the conversations! SO MUCH TALKING! See you once I figure out what everyone wants to get off their chest ;D


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting with the boys's massage sessions and since they got so long, the others will be in the next chapter. Beware of silliness and a lot of feelings going forward! And the boys continuing to be the best friends ever ^^

They started that very same day. Alex persuaded the replicator into spitting out some massage oil—which, weirdly, came out smelling of blueberries—, collected two armful of clean towels, and set up in the med bay.

Luke and Reggie appeared in tandem, declaring that it was the perfect opportunity for some quality boys time, and then squabbled over who would go first: Reggie argued that Alex had already started on him and so should continue, while Luke took that exact fact as working in his favour, because Reggie had already gotten a massage and so naturally could wait his turn better and more relaxed than Luke could. Alex had them drawing band-aids in the end and Reggie's red one won.

Alex laid out a large towel to cover the bed while Reggie stripped down to his underwear. His first 'patient' then hopped enthusiastically onto the bed, settling on his stomach with a contented sigh in expectation of his massage, head propped sideways on his folded arms, eyes closed.

Luke, after a brief glance around the small room, sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the cabinets, and watched them, looking only slightly put out at having to wait his turn after all. Soon, he was grinning again, studying Reggie.

“You comfortable there, buddy?”

Reggie sighed and nodded, and Luke snorted at the dreamy expression on his face.

Alex lifted his eyebrows.

“Just wait, you'll look just as dopey when you're lying on this bed.”

“Hey, I don't look dopey!” Reggie complained, not bothering to open his eyes.

Alex patted his head.

“You do, but that's okay.”

Reggie grumbled a bit but didn't say anything more, just wiggled into a more comfortable position.

“So,” Luke propped his chin on his knees and studied Alex, “how are things with you and Willie going?”

Alex was coating his hands with oil, rubbing them together so they would be warm.

“Really good,” he replied softly, not looking at Luke.

“Anyone can see you two are madly in love and perfect for each other,” Reggie mumbled, eyes still closed.

Alex bit down on his smile and hummed but when he looked up, Luke's forehead was all creased and his eyes narrowed.

“Yeah, you'd have to be blind not to see that,” he conceded. “But I know you, Alex, you're still worrying, aren't you?”

Alex sighed and stepped next to Reggie, starting with some easy movements and continuing his work on Reggie’s shoulders, to his obvious pleasure.

“Yes. It's just ... there's only five days left before we reach Starbase 16 and ...,” he broke off, helplessly.

Reggie blindly reached out, patting the air until he found Alex's arm and gave it a squeeze.

“You'll figure something out. It would be a shame if that would be the end of it!”

Luke nodded somewhat fiercely.

“Yeah but ... he hasn't even said anything about what happens when we reach the base and ...” Alex bit his lip. “What if he's perfectly okay with it ending in five days? It's pretty convenient if all he wants is just something casual,” he added quietly.

“Alex, buddy, there's nothing casual about the way he looks at you!” Luke said, voice firm with certainty.

Luke could be very convincing. One of the reasons he would be a damn fine captain one day. But still. Alex's worries kept nibbling, kept clawing cracks into his heart and mind, drowning both in doubt, and even though he wanted to savour every second he had with Willie, a part of him wished he could jump ahead five days just so he would _know_.

“Why don't you just ask him?” Reggie had finally opened his eyes again and was studying Alex so intently that he rather wished Reggie had kept them closed.

 _Why don't you just_.

Those four words seemed to haunt his entire life. His friends had always been supportive, had been empathetic, even if he never quite managed to put it into words, the feeling of pebbles in his windpipe and acid on his tongue, the certainty that he was courting disaster, that by just trying he was tempting fate. He knew it was unfounded, that fate had been mostly very kind to him—never mind he'd gotten stuck in a transporter buffer for twenty-five years because even that seemed to have worked out to his advantage, since he'd be rather dead otherwise. And would never have met Willie. Met him and fallen in love with him.

It was still startling, the speed with which it had happened. How his infatuation with the handsome pilot had taken roots inside of him, spreading out in his veins and arteries until it seemed an integral part of his very being. It should have been impossible. Alex was, mostly, a rational man and though he knew there was very little reason in love, he'd also never believed in love at first sight. But then, that was not what this was, was it? Sure, he'd been attracted to Willie from the start, and given how gorgeous the pilot was, Alex had trouble imagining how anyone with eyes could not be, but though Willie's smiles lit up entire rooms, and his laughter filled Alex with bubbles prickling in every nerve, it wasn't that alone that had made Alex truly fall in love with him. It was his kindness and generosity. It was his unquestioning acceptance of Alex and Alex's anxiety, the blanket he had handed him, the way he had held him while Alex broke apart, and every look that had told him clearly that he was not being judged. That he was safe.

That was why he loved Willie.

And if he asked him if he loved Alex the same, if he asked him if the very thought of being separated from Alex hurt just as much as it hurt Alex, he would have to invite the possibility that Willie’s answer would be negative. And if it turned out that all of what Alex had seen in Willie had just been a mirage, that the real Willie had been a man Alex had never truly met, he would lose more than he could even imagine right now. So of course his heart wanted to live in the illusion, if it was one, for as long as it possibly could.

Instead of trying to pack all of that into words though, Alex just shrugged.

Luke reached out with one leg, trying to nudge him but falling short, so just he just wiggled his shoe at Alex.

"I know it's hard and scary but you have to talk to the guy, Alex!"

Alex ducked his head and concentrated on the motions of his hands, on Reggie's body under his fingertips, trying to ground himself.

"He's right, Alex," Reggie said softly.

Alex swallowed past the lump in his throat.

"I know. I know. I will."

He could see Reggie bite down on his lips, trying to hide his scepticism, and Alex's chest ached because he knew he couldn't blame his friends for doubting him.

"Why don't you talk to him when you guys have your massage session later?" Luke suggested.

Alex just nodded.

"And if anything goes wrong, you know we've got you and you're always welcome in our cabin. The bunk might get a bit crowded but we can alternate sleeping on the floor or ..." Luke wiggled his foot again. "Well, anyway, you're safe with us!"

Alex swallowed thickly, trying not to think about all the reasons that could lead to him needing to stay in the boys' cabin. Still, besides the dread pooling in his stomach, he _was_ grateful for the offer and reassurance.

"I know. Thanks, Luke."

He glanced quickly over to Luke, catching his friend's smile, before focusing back on working on Reggie. The prospect of speaking to Willie later scared him but at least it was a plan, and sometimes, that was all that was needed to calm him down. Or at least to stop him from spiralling. Postponed panic.

There was silence for a while—except for the occasional pleased sigh or displeased grunt from Reggie, depending on how stubborn the tensed muscles under Alex's hands proved to be.

After a particularly pained grimace from his patient, Alex apologised: "I'm sorry. There's just a lot of tension here for a guy who basically does nothing all day."

Which, of course, could be part of the problem. None of them did any regular exercises at the moment—his own extracurricular activities excluded.

Reggie frowned.

"Hey! You're not the only one who worries about the future, okay?"

Alex's hands stilled.

Oh. And of course there was that, too.

"I'm so sorry, Reg!" Alex tried to push his hair out of his face with his wrist—not wanting to smear massage oil into it—to meagre success. He looked from Reggie to Luke and back again. "God, I'm a horrible friend! You've been so supportive and all the while I've been so wrapped up in my own thing that I—" He gripped Reggie's shoulder lightly. "I'm really sorry."

Reggie smirked up at him.

"Hey, it's okay, Alex. You got a hot pilot as a very valid excuse to be distracted!"

"Yeah ... but still! I should have been there for you guys more."

"It's not like we were alone." Reggie shrugged and then a grin spread over his whole face and he turned his head towards Luke. "'coz we always have each other!"

He beamed around Alex at their friend on the floor, who leaned to the side so he could smile back.

Alex chewed his lip. Of course he was glad that those two had each other and didn't feel neglected but it didn't change the fact that he _had_ not been thinking too much about his friends and their problems, too preoccupied with his own, and so hadn't been there for them. Like a good friend should be. Especially now there was only the three of them left.

Alex resumed the massage, gentler this time, and soon Reggie was sighing contentedly again.

"What do you worry about?" he asked eventually. "Although if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, obviously," he hurried to add.

Reggie shrugged again.

"You know ... I wonder how my parents are. If they're— How they took my apparent death."

Reggie did not have a great relationship with his parents and neither did they have a great one with each other. He'd probably spent more time at his friends' houses during his teenage years than in his own home. But love was complicated, especially a child's love for his parents, and Reggie had never quite stopped hoping that things would get better. It was the optimist in him.

Alex was more of a pragmatist so when his own relationship to his parents soured, he was already old enough to accept their shitty behaviour for what it was and move on. It hurt. It hurt a lot at first, but at least there was no hope left nestling deep in his heart and cutting even deeper wounds. He retained a strained but polite relationship with them because they were his parents and it was expected but he'd mostly cut them out of his life by the time he entered Starfleet Academy. Alex was loving and loyal to a fault but he knew he could be vindictive, too, once hurt. He wasn't proud of it but looking at Reggie, he wasn't so sure if it wasn't a blessing too.

Because Reggie was different. He would probably never stop longing for his parents' approval and love even if they'd given him plenty of reasons to wish them both to hell—which was something his friends did frequently enough for him, but Reggie always felt uncomfortable when they did so they eventually only voiced their unfavourable opinions of them when he wasn't there, cursing them for making Reggie hurt.

Reggie's parents had been on the brink of divorce for as long as Alex had known them and he privately thought that it might have been for the better if they had just gotten it over with, moved on, and became happy with somebody else, so they could show Reggie some love and patience instead of pouring all their energy into fighting each other. But he knew that that wasn't what Reggie wanted. Instead his friend still clung to his hope that some miracle would occur. And now, he probably wondered if his 'death' might have been that miracle bringing his parents together.

Alex doubted it and swallowed a sigh at the thought. How he wished that he could keep Reggie from making himself miserable over his lousy parents time after time. They didn't deserve his love. But that was Reggie. Always loving, always forgiving, always hoping. And Alex did love him for that.

"They will be so happy when they get you back," he said softly.

He wasn't exactly sure of it but he hoped enough that it would be true that it didn't feel like lying. And who knew, maybe it would be the catalyst for the Peters family to find each other. He didn't believe that would be the case for his own. But then again, his family was currently the least of his problems.

The small frown on Reggie's face didn't escape his notice but when Reggie's mouth quickly split into a grin, Alex smiled, too. If only because he couldn't help marvelling at his friend's optimism.

"Yeah, I hope so," Reggie sighed.

"Of course they will be, buddy," Luke exclaimed. "Anyone would be glad to have you back!"

Reggie snorted.

"How often have you told me that I'm annoying since we've known each other? In fact, you've said so just the other night!"

He craned his neck to direct a challenging glare at Luke.

Luke rolled his eyes before clutching at his heart, extending his other arm towards Reggie.

"You know I only ever say that with the fullest extent of my love for you! Only love, baby! Only love!"

Now Alex and Reggie were both snorting at Luke's antics.

Reggie shook his head fondly.

"Yeah, I love you too, idiot."

Luke grinned happily.

"And you, of course," Reggie added and patted the side of Alex's knee, fingertips skimming behind it, which made Alex yelp and jump because it tickled.

"I love you guys, too," he said, breathlessly, trying to calm down again, while his friends laughed.

* * *

Inevitably, Reggie pouted and complained when Alex declared that his massage was over but Luke was quick to jump up and just about dragged Reggie from the bed before hastily getting out of his own clothes and then flopping down on the foamy mattress, barely waiting until Alex had spread out a new towel.

Alex shook his head with a fond smile while washing his hands and drying them before squirting some new oil on them.

"See?" he said. "What did I tell you? Dopey as hell!"

Reggie smirked in agreement before settling down in Luke's vacated spot on the floor, having put his clothes back on again. It couldn’t be very comfortable and Alex would have recommended a hot shower instead but he knew Reggie wouldn't leave before Luke wasn't done as well. It was boys' time after all.

Alex stepped next to the bed, nearly getting tangled up in Luke's discarded shirt.

"Luke! Couldn't you have put your clothes somewhere else where nobody falls over your shoes and shirt?" He roughly kicked the offending articles aside.

Luke didn't even attempt to defend himself or apologise.

"Just get on with it, Alex!"

"Pushy!"

Alex was about to cross his arms before remembering just in time that his hands were currently coated in oil. He blew a strand of hair out his face. Maybe he should have asked Willie for a scrunchy to tie it back. He quickly shook off the thought of Willie. Boys' time, he reminded himself.

He started working the oil into Luke's skin and was rewarded with an indecently loud moan from his patient.

"Luke! If you can't keep it down, I'll stop!"

Luke turned his head and grinned at Alex.

"Bet that's not what you tell Willie though, right? I bet he gets pretty vocal during sex, huh? All _'oh yeah, Alex'_ and _'harder, Alex.'_ "

Alex blushed and pushed Luke's face away from him, not caring the least bit about getting it smeared with oil.

"You really never got any older than twelve, did you?"

Reggie tsked and shook his head in his corner.

"Don't make Alex anxious again, dude!"

"Right now, I'm just annoyed," Alex declared, though his cheeks were still burning. But he resumed the massage anyway, earning himself a smug grin from Luke.

Alex swatted him over the head.

"Can you just let me work in peace?"

Luke blinked at him from under his lashes.

"But I thought it was _my_ therapy session now? Don't you want to ask what burdens me?"

Alex rolled his eyes.

"It's _physical_ therapy! And I don't think I'm qualified enough to give you the type of therapy you clearly need!"

Reggie snorted from his place on the floor, and settled his head on his knees, watching them.

"But, you know," Alex relented, "if there is something you want to talk about, we're here for you. _If_ you behave yourself!" he added with a glare.

Luke stared ahead, blowing a strand of hair out his face, and Alex had the distinct impression that there _was_ something bothering Luke, hidden under his carefree attitude.

"What is it," Alex asked softly.

Luke turned his head away and watched the stars slip past, pressing his lips together.

"It's just," he began, voice hardly more than a whisper, "if I hadn't dragged you guys into Starfleet, if I hadn't gotten us onto the _Sunset Curve_ mission ... none of this would have happened! Bobby would—" He sniffed, face all scrunched up, an angry frown on his brow. "I knew that if I ever get a command of my own, it might mean that I will lose people. That that's part of being a captain. But ... it was never supposed to be _you guys_!"

Luke scrubbed a hand over his face, brushing away the tears that had gathered in his eyes.

"Oh, oh Luke!"

Reggie scrambled up from his place on the floor.

Alex's hands, which had stilled above Luke, were now petting him awkwardly. But Reggie didn't hesitate and leaned over their friend, slinging his arms around him. Luke sobbed loudly once, turned towards Reggie, and curled in on himself in Reggie's arms, burying his face in Reggie's chest, clinging to the fabric of his shirt.

"Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault," Reggie murmured into Luke's hair, holding him tighter. "None of this is your fault!"

"Reggie's right." Alex had finally gotten over his shock and though the angle was awkward, he joined into the hug, holding both his friends close. "Nobody blames you and you shouldn't either, buddy!"

" _We_ certainly don't blame you!" Reggie agreed. "And Bobby would tell you the same thing if he were here."

"He absolutely would. And would probably tell you to stop being an idiot, too."

A wet and muffled laugh more akin to a sob came from somewhere out of the depths of their hug, which meant Luke was at least listening to them.

"We never regretted following you, Luke," Reggie said softly. "And we'll still follow you wherever you will lead us. Okay, Alex will probably grumble but he'll follow you, too. Right, Alex?"

Reggie turned his head to the side even if their current entanglement made it impossible for him to see Alex's face.

"Yes, of course," Alex was quick to reassure both of his friends. He tightened his grip on them. "No getting rid off us."

"Okay" came a small voice from under Reggie's torso. And, after a pause: "Could you let me breathe again though?"

"Oh!"

"Okay."

Alex and Reggie quickly pulled back before they smothered Luke. That would have been a bit awkward to explain to Starfleet.

Luke sat up, wiping away the tears on his face, but a wobbly smile already back on his lips. Then he opened his arms and waved them in for another hug, all of them caught somewhere between laughing and crying.

"I love you guys."

"We love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got a bit more emotional than even I intended but I hope you survived and will be back for the girls' sessions next (let's see how emotional those will be). The official word count for this story has now reached 35k and _I do not know how any of this happened_ except that these characters do what they want, which is clearly a lot!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's girls' time!! Aka the chapter in which Flynn is an absolute queen, Julie deserves all the love and Alex continues to be an accidental therapist. There's even a brief Willie sighting!

It took a while before everyone settled down again and Luke's massage session was resumed. They were mostly silent, content in their company and secure in their knowledge that their bond was unbroken and remained stronger than ever.

Luke didn't even complain when Alex declared his session done, just thanked him sincerely and said that it was high time for a shower and then lunch. Alex agreed. They could all use some freshening up and food was definitely welcome—as was a break for his hands. It really had been a while since he'd done this!

Luke was the first one out the door, despite having to scramble back into his clothes, while Reggie bent over to retrieve the towel that had slipped off the bed and onto the floor.

"Thanks," Alex said, and held him back a moment longer. "Uhm ... just," he blushed and Reggie raised his eyebrows. "You can't hear Willie and me, can you?" Alex rushed out, face heating up further. "At night, I mean?"

Reggie's eyebrows climbed even higher, a grin flashing on his face. "No, we can't. Was Luke right then?"

"No, it's just ... uhm—"

"So _you're_ the loud one, huh?"

Alex's eyes widened in panic. How the hell was he going to get out of this conversation again?

"No! I'm not—"

But Reggie just laughed easily and clapped his shoulder.

"No, man. Everything's fine. We can't hear a thing. Whatever it is you get up to at night ... you're not ruining our beauty sleep." He winked suggestively and sauntered out of the med bay, suddenly looking a lot happier.

Alex took a deep breath to steady himself.

"Okay."

He made sure everything was ready for later and hoped those sessions with the girls would be a bit less emotionally heavy. He definitely needed a breather before he talked to Willie!

* * *

Willie himself seemed very happy to have him back when Alex joined the others at the lunch table, and Alex tried hard to just enjoy it as Willie took his wrists, kissing his palms, and asking how the 'magical hands' were.

Julie and Flynn, for their part, interrogated the boys whether Alex's massage skills were still up to scratch and Alex was gratified by their high praises.

Nobody said anything about how emotional it had gotten.

After lunch, Willie slipped his arms around Alex's waist, pouting because he had to spare him for another two hours, placing little kisses on his shoulders. Luke and Reggie winked at him.

It should have felt good but Alex's brain helpfully pointed out that two hours were nothing compared to the separation that loomed once they reached the starbase and why hadn't Willie said anything about that?

But he wouldn't think about it. Not now, not during the next two hours. He extricated himself gently from Willie and briefly kissed him on the lips before he was dragged away by Flynn.

She had tried to convince Julie that she should join them but Julie had declined, which didn't surprise Alex if she wanted to talk to him some more about whether or not to join Starfleet after all. He was curious since she didn't seem to have made a definitive decision yet.

As it was, it would be just Flynn and him for an hour, which filled him with a little trepidation if he was being quite honest. He liked her a lot but she also hadn't shown much restraint when it came to his affairs and he really wasn't in the mood for her snooping when everything was already so complicated.

* * *

"You look nervous," she promptly said, scrutinising him as they stood in the elevator together. "You _have_ worked on girls before, haven't you?"

Alex tried not to fidget.

"Yes, of course. Not ... not as much since I mainly practiced on the boys but there were girls in that class, and species with totally different genders and bodies and our teacher made sure we'd rotate around. Get a feel for all of them. Similarities and differences and all that."

Flynn studied him some more with narrowed eyes.

"Okay," she finally said and he didn't really know what to do with that response.

When they reached the med bay, he halted inside the door.

"Just ... um, get undressed as far as you feel comfortable with. I'll be waiting outside so just holler when you're ready."

He ducked out, leaving Flynn and her faint laugh behind. Leaning against the wall outside the med bay, he tried to calm down. Why was he freaking out about this? He wished he could have started with Julie. Julie always put him at ease and he felt as comfortable with her as with the boys. She could be a firecracker, as Willie had so aptly put it on that first day, but Flynn was downright unpredictable in his estimation.

"I'm ready!"

Alex took another deep breath and walked into the room. Flynn had stripped down to her panties and had made herself comfortable on the bed, head resting easily on her folded arms, feet kicking up into the air.

"You're not blushing, are you?" she asked, amusement clear in her voice. "I thought naked girls do nothing for you?"

Alex cleared his throat, very aware that his face was heating up even more.

"They don't!"

"So just a general problem with people being naked then. Isn't that a bit inconvenient for a doctor?"

Alex rolled his eyes and busied himself with the oil.

"It's not my fault my parents were total prudes! I just inherited it. Also there's usually something wrong with my patients? So I can focus on that."

Flynn nodded thoughtfully. "I _am_ pretty perfect, that's true."

Alex laughed and stepped up to the bed.

"You okay with getting started?"

Flynn cocked her head to the side, directing a bright smile at him.

"Have at it, maestro!"

He started gentle and easy, familiarising himself with her body, and Flynn hummed contentedly, eyes closed.

"You _are_ really good at this," she said after a while, smiling at him again.

"Thank you."

His nerves had calmed down again now that his hands were occupied and Flynn had not yet quizzed him about his relationship with Willie.

"Do you think they'll still have massage classes at the Academy? And is there any way to volunteer as a practice patient?"

"I don't know," he replied thoughtfully, kneading her shoulders. "We mostly practiced on each other during class and whoever was at hand at the dorms. So I guess you'd have to try and room with a medical cadet for a chance."

Flynn chewed on her lip.

"I always planned to room with Julie but I guess ..." she trailed off, sadness creeping into her voice.

Alex bit his lip. Even though he had said he wouldn't influence Julie in her decision and he still believed that he shouldn't, he really hoped she would reconsider joining Starfleet. He had a feeling that it would be the right thing for her. And for Flynn. But he couldn't well tell her that Julie was even thinking about it if she hadn't told her herself.

He retracted his hands and walked to the side so Flynn could see his face without having to tie her neck into knots.

"I ... uhm, I know your plans were different and that you're going to miss Julie terribly but ... you know you have us now, right? Luke, Reggie, and me? I know it's not the same but ... you won't be alone, Flynn. Okay? We've got you. You won't have to do this on your own."

Flynn had been watching him with lips pressed tightly together, though that hardly lessened the wobbling, and eyes that were shining dangerously with unshed tears and fuck she was going to cry, wasn't she? So much for a less emotional massage session.

But then Flynn did something that was even worse in Alex's opinion. Namely slipping off the bed and throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you," she mumbled into his chest.

Alex had stiffened up, arms carefully held to the side, not moving a muscle, and very uncomfortably aware of her breasts pushing against him.

"Yeah, uhm, okay." He swallowed. "Uhm ... maybe we could ... ah ... do this later? When you're not, you know ..."

He felt Flynn tense up.

"Oh! Right. Sorry!"

She let her arms drop and took a step back. Alex hastily tipped his head back until he was staring intently at the ceiling, humming a strangled affirmation.

"It's safe again," Flynn chuckled after a short moment.

Alex slowly lowered his gaze and was relieved to find Flynn back on the bed. She was grinning broadly and shaking her head.

"Really, you've had your hands all over my naked flesh these past twenty minutes!"

"Yeah, well, that's different."

"Prude!"

"Exhibitionist!"

They both burst out giggling.

"Maybe I shouldn't have offered our support to you. Now we're saddled with you _forever_."

Alex accompanied his words with a grin though to take their sting.

"Hey! No taking back!"

Alex rolled his eyes in mock-exasperation.

"All right, all right. I have a feeling that Single Trouble is still going to be plenty of trouble."

"You bet!"

Alex shrugged.

"Well, maybe a little trouble every now and then can be a good thing."

Flynn's eyes were shining again but now it was pure happiness. Alex was just glad she refrained from hugging him again.

* * *

Alex would have been content for Flynn to just send Julie down to him once she was done but she insisted that he needed a break and something to drink and maybe sit down for a bit—even though he had done plenty of all of that during lunch—and since she was so enthusiastic about taking care of him, he didn't have the heart to protest too much. He had apparently been adopted as a sort of big brother now. He had always regretted not having siblings so this felt nice even if it was a bit unexpected.

"So, how was it?" Julie greeted them with a big grin as they entered the upper deck.

"Oh, magical hands for sure!" Flynn exclaimed, dragging Alex forward by a firm grip on his arm. "I'm not going to let this one go again."

"Hey!"

The protest came from both Luke and Reggie, and from Willie at the same time.

"Nu-uh!" Flynn shook her head, hanging onto Alex's arm. "He's mine now. But," she smiled brightly, "I might lend him to you if you're nice to me!"

"Alex?"

Willie looked at him with a smile that still made Alex's heart flutter, despite all his exposure to it over the last days, and despite the still unsolved business of their future.

Alex shrugged with his one free arm.

"I only said she could rely on us to help her when we're at the Academy but she seems to have misinterpreted that as indentured servitude instead." He looked at Luke and Reggie. "Sorry, guys."

Julie grinned at her friend.

"So ... will you lend him to me?"

Flynn pretended to think it over before literally handing Alex over with a benevolent grin—or his arm at least.

"Yeah, okay. Just don't hug him naked or you might break him. He's a bit weird when it comes to that." She shrugged and rolled her eyes as if that was totally unreasonable.

Julie's face scrunched up in confusion while she looked from Flynn to Alex and back again.

"Hey! How come we don't get naked hugs?" Reggie pouted, pointing at him and Luke, who was nodding emphatically, puppy eyes engaged at full force.

Flynn shrugged again. "No magical hands."

Reggie and Luke instantly offered to prove her wrong.

"You never complained about _my_ naked hugs," Willie whispered into Alex's ear.

Great, now he was blushing again.

He looked pleadingly at Julie, who still held him by his sleeve, though it seemed she'd forgotten about that.

"Julie, can we just get out of here? Please?"

"Hey!" Flynn turned her attention back on him. "You were supposed to sit down and drink something! Keep your strength up."

"I think I'll just take a coffee to go. _If_ that's all right with you."

Flynn huffed but relented. She snipped her fingers at Reggie. "You, get Alex a coffee."

Reggie spluttered a bit but did eventually turn around to fetch a mug, muttering to himself.

Luke slapped Alex's arm.

"Dude, you need to choose your words more carefully before offering us up to random girls." He ignored Flynn's protest at that appellation. "That's totally uncool, especially when she's enlisted and we technically outrank her. How's that going to look?"

Flynn patted his cheek.

"It's going to look adorable."

* * *

Alex and Julie did make it off the deck eventually though Alex felt a little bad about leaving the boys alone with Flynn but Julie reassured him.

"Don't worry, they'll be fine! Flynn's just having a bit of fun and Willie's there to reel her in if she gets out of hand though I don't think he'll have to intervene." She smiled at him. "You made her really happy with that. Telling her she wouldn't be alone."

"Well, of course she won't be! _That's not how we roll_ ," Alex said a little indignantly. "We may not, technically, be a real crew right now but still. Nobody gets left behind, right?"

Julie hummed, eyes downcast.

Since they had reached the entry to sickbay by this time, he let her go ahead to get changed and settled, while he waited outside.

When she called him in, he saw that she had tied her hair up in two buns, which left her neck free so he could work on it but limited how far she could turn her head to the side. He had to check the urge to pat the buns; they looked so fluffy!

Alex's hands already smelt overpoweringly of blueberries, despite the repeated washing, but he resigned himself to getting them oiled up yet again.

"You ready?"

Julie nodded and for the first ten minutes, Alex worked in silence. He could feel Julie relax under his hands but there was still a lot of tension and he was sure that her brain was busy. Alex didn't prod her. If she wanted to share her thoughts, she would.

"It's really nice of you to do this," Julie eventually said.

A careful and casual conversation starter.

Alex huffed out a laugh. "You all would probably have pestered me to death if I had refused! Luke and Reggie certainly would have!"

Julie chewed her bottom lip. "But you don't mind, do you?"

She sounded insecure and Alex regretted joking about it.

"No, of course not," he reassured her. "I like doing this. I like ... making others feel better, you know? It's why I want to become a doctor. It also helps me to focus and not get lost in my head."

Julie hummed, drawing patterns onto the towel.

"You get lost in there a lot?"

"I ... yeah, it happens." Alex shrugged even though she couldn't see it. "How about you?" he added carefully.

"It happens."

She continued to doodle invisibly onto the towel while Alex massaged her legs and calves.

"I take it you haven't made your decision yet then?"

"No ..."

It was a drawn out, unhappy sound and Alex heart twinged in sympathy.

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about Flynn if you decide to return to Ortega 5? You might have to worry about _us_ but ... we're going to take good care of her and keep her out of trouble, okay? Or _try_ to keep her out of it, at least."

Julie nodded, a faint smile on her lips.

"I know. And it _is_ a relief but also ... I can't stop thinking about all the plans we had and all the things we wanted to do and how she'll now do that with _you_ guys and how I'm going to miss it. All the things Luke and Reggie said they were going to show her, all the places we were going to see." She sighed. "And I don't _want_ to miss all that!"

"Then don't," Alex said softly.

He walked up to her head, looking into her face.

"I know I said that it's your decision and it is and I don't want to influence you or push you or anything like that and I _will_ support you no matter what you decide. One hundred percent. But if you want to know my honest opinion? I think you should come with us. It's going to kill you if you go back and bury yourself without ever having tried it. It's going to kill you to know that you gave up. Because all I'm hearing here is that you _want_ to go. Desperately! But you don't think you're allowed to! You're blaming Starfleet for your Mom's death. But actually you're blaming your Mom for leaving you but you don't want to do that so you've shifted the blame onto Starfleet but that's not making it any better because that love for exploration, that urge to be out there is in you just like it was in your Mom, from everything you've told us and everything Flynn has told us about the two of you. And so now you blame yourself for wanting something that you've decided is bad. But it's not. And you're not bad for wanting it."

Alex suddenly realised that there were tears in Julie's eyes and he took a step back, holding his hands up.

"Julie, I'm so sorry! I totally overstepped—"

Julie sniffled loudly but shook her head, brushing away the tears. Her voice came out scratchy but there was a hint of laughter in it.

"I suddenly get how Flynn managed to hug you without clothes on!"

"Uhm ... so you're not mad?" he ventured.

She shook her head again.

"I think I needed to hear that. I mean ... fuck! I never even thought about it like that and here you come and just put it into a few words and suddenly it all makes sense?" She smiled over at him. "The magic's definitely not just in your hands, Alex!"

"Uhm ... okay. I'm glad you're not mad. To be honest, I'm not sure where all of that came from."

Julie bit her lip. "I guess there's a few things I need to arrange and find out and all that but ... could you turn around so I can get dressed so I can hug you properly? With clothes?"

"Oh ... sure."

Alex turned around, still trying to figure out if he'd really just convinced Julie to join Starfleet after all. He didn't even notice when Julie came around until she threw her arms around his middle and pressed herself close to him. She really was tiny.

He carefully wrapped his arms around her, stooping a little so he could press his cheek in-between her curly buns, just holding her close.

"I'm really glad we fished you out of that buffer," she mumbled into his shirt and Alex held her even tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that leaves just one more massage session. Tell me if you're excited! ^^


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here it is, Willex massage session. I rarely do these but **chapter warnings** are for _general angst, anxiety attack symptoms_ , and _strong language_. I originally thought I'd split this up but decided to ultimately spare you the angsty cliffhanger so while not _everything_ will be resolved by the end of it, we're at least not stuck in the middle of Alex's breakdown. And I promise, this story has a happy ending!
> 
> In the meantime, please don't be mad at me!
> 
> Additional note: I continue to know nothing about massages, knitting, or the Star Trek timeline so just ignore any inaccuracies.

Julie made Alex promise that he wouldn't tell the others yet that she'd changed her mind. In less than two days, they would be in range to establish communication with Starbase 16 and Julie wanted to contact Commander Lissa, the commanding officer, and find out if it was even possible for her to attend Starfleet Academy anymore. She had given up her spot after all. Apparently, Commander Lissa and Julie's mom had known each other pretty well and Julie hoped that the Commander would be able to put in a good word on her behalf.

Alex would have preferred to tell the others straight away, especially since he was absolutely sure that they would all fight for Julie's right to attend the Academy.

"Starfleet owes us and you can bet your ass that Luke will do everything he can to make sure they let you in. He can be very persuasive!"

Julie smiled, nodding.

"Yeah, but ... I just want to be absolutely sure so ... just keep it to yourself a little while longer?"

Julie could be very persuasive, too.

"Yeah, okay. If that is what you want?"

"You're the best Alex!"

* * *

As it was, he had enough to think about anyway. He tried not to let on how nervous he was about the upcoming massage session with Willie as he and Julie returned to the upper deck. But nervous or not, when Willie came up to him with a smile, grabbing his hands and saying Finally, I've got you back!" Alex couldn't help but return the smile and press a short kiss to his cheek.

“Missed Me?”

“Terribly!”

“Ugh … get a room, you two!” Flynn groaned.

“That was kind of the plan, if I remember correctly,” Willie said with a laugh. “Now I _finally_ got my boyfriend back! And _finally_ get my very own massage session!”

Willie intertwined his fingers with Alex’s, swinging their arms back and forth, and Alex’s heart hurt with how happy Willie looked, butterflies batting up a storm inside of him.

“Then let’s go,” he said softly, nodding towards the elevator.

“No ladder today?” Willie asked with a wink.

“No,” Alex replied, tightening his grip on Willie’s hand, unwilling to let him go any sooner than he had to and Willie was happy to acquiesce.

Once in the elevator, Willie brought their intertwined hands to his lips, kissing Alex’s knuckles.

“Are you sure you’re up to another session? You don’t have to. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, no, I’m okay.”

“You sure? You seem … distracted.”

Alex huffed, shuffling his feet.

“I’d like to say it’s because you’re so pretty but,” he shook his hair out of his face, “I guess there’s just a lot on my mind right now, you know?”

Willie nodded.

“Seems like you’ve been playing therapist this whole day in addition to providing excellent massages from what I’ve heard. No wonder your mind is busy.”

Willie bumped his shoulder against Alex’s.

“I guess you’ve got some sort of doctor patient confidentiality agreement going on but if you want to talk about anything, I’m happy to listen. Or we can just be silent, if you prefer that.”

Alex swallowed hard.

He knew that this was the perfect moment to address his worries but though the words crowded on his tongue, pushing against the roof of his mouth and against his teeth, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to lose this moment with Willie.

He shook his head.

“Can you just hold me for a moment?”

Willie frowned, worry plain on his face, but he nodded and drew Alex into a hug. He buried his face in Willie’s shoulder, tightening his arms around him and just held on, breathing in Willie’s familiar, comforting smell, trying to lose himself in that.

They ignored the chime of the elevator proclaiming they’d reached their destination. For once, Alex would have been glad if the ride never stopped.

Eventually though they did disentangle and Alex even managed a laugh when Willie still looked at him all worried and concerned.

“We really don’t have to do this. It must have been an exhausting day! We can just lie down and cuddle for a while and you could give me a massage tomorrow or—“

“No, please. Let me do this. I want to!”

And it was true. He did want to give Willie that massage. And not just because he’d determined that he would address the starbase conundrum afterwards and didn’t want to wait even longer for that. Willie had done so much for him and this was something he could give back.

Willie’s face softened.

“Yeah, sure.”

He pushed up on his tiptoes and kissed Alex tenderly before rocking back on his heels and grinning.

“I admit I am really looking forward to getting the magical hand treatment after everyone has been praising it all day.”

Alex blushed but smiled.

“I hope I won’t disappoint you then.”

“I don’t think you could if you tried.”

_… there's nothing casual about the way he looks at you …_

Luke’s words came floating back to Alex and his chest hurt.

“Let’s just get started, okay?”

* * *

Once inside the med bay, Willie took off his shirt, coming out of it with a chuckle and brushing his hair back.

“I’m having a bit of a _déjà vu_ here!”

Alex grinned.

“Yeah, I don’t remember ever seeing you keeping your shirt on in here.”

“Oh, no, there was one time,” Willie corrected him. “When you fell asleep in here and I took you to scream?”

“Oh right. My breakdown. Yeah … fun times! Thanks for the reminder, Willie!” Alex narrowed his eyes. “And also? I don’t think you ever actually _entered_ the room that day so … that doesn’t count!”

Willie shrugged, stepping closer.

“Well, I think we failed to mention one very important circumstance about me being shirtless in here.”

Alex raised his eyebrows.

“You were here.”

Willie’s gaze dropped to Alex’s lips before he leaned in and kissed him.

Alex brought his hands up to Willie’s face, kissing him back, pressing close and enjoying the heat radiating off Willie’s bare torso. _Déjà fait_.

Willie broke off, chuckling.

“Your hands smell like blueberries.”

Alex groaned.

“It’s the oil! I don’t know what your ship has against me but when I try to replicate blueberry pancakes, they taste _nothing_ like blueberries but when I wanted just plain, regular massage oil, it smells like a whole blueberry farm had an orgy and fucking died in there!”

Willie giggled and despite Alex’s anxiety and his frustration at replicators in general and the _Phantom_ ’s ones in particular, that sight never failed to make him smile.

“Nah, she’s probably just messing with you because she’s jealous.”

Willie patted the wall of the med bay affectionately.

Alex snorted.

“Sure, that’s it. Of course! How did I not see that?” He rolled his eyes. Then he pointed his chin towards the empty bed. “So, how about it? You want to smell like blueberries, too? Because right now, you’re really the only one who doesn’t!”

“You just want to get me out of my pants. Oh, but shoes first, of course!”

He nodded gravely and Alex buried his face in his blueberry-scented hands.

“You’re never going to let me live that one down, will you?”

Willie beamed.

“Nope. It was adorable.”

Alex disagreed. Alex disagreed very strongly and still marvelled that he hadn’t died of instant embarrassment when he’d blurted out the fatal word ‘shoes’ in the middle of making out with Willie that first night they’d slept together. Not that he could really complain about what had followed after Willie had dropped to his knees in front of him and had taken off Alex’s shoes, but still. Willie delighted in bringing it up—though thankfully only when they were alone—and Alex always blushed and got defensive, which, of course, did nothing to make Willie bring it up any less because, apparently, that was ‘adorable,’ too.

Willie studied him a moment longer, that disconcerting smile on his face and wiggled his eyebrows.

“So, you want me on the bed again?”

Alex refused to bite.

“Yes, that would make the massage a lot easier, thank you!”

Willie grinned and when he started taking his shoes off, Alex turned around towards the offending oil bottle, trying to compose himself for facing his nearly naked, very hot boyfriend.

When he turned back to Willie, said nearly naked, very hot boyfriend was in the middle of tying his hair up in a bun and Alex thought that Willie did look unfairly gorgeous like this.

“Okay,” he muttered, clearing his throat.

Willie grinned and then swung himself onto the bed, flopping down on his belly and looking expectantly at Alex over his shoulder.

“I’m all yours.”

How was he supposed to not love this man?

Alex walked over and placed a kiss on Willie’s head that had him smiling so softly that Alex could have used another screaming session solely because his body did not seem big enough to contain all his current emotions.

Willie soon closed his eyes as Alex got started, looking content and relaxed.

Alex was happy to work in silence, knowing that what he did made Willie feel good. Willie was usually bubbly and talkative but whether he kept silent because he wanted to give Alex some peace and quiet or whether he just truly got lost in the moment, it was strangely relaxing for Alex, too, even though the silence should have left more space for all his anxious thoughts to spill out. But Alex kept a firm lid on them, determined to enjoy this.

It also helped that Willie really was the most relaxed of all of his patients that day and thus easy to work on. Besides being utterly gorgeous.

He may have drawn out the session a bit longer than with the others but he didn’t think anyone would mind that he spent a few extra minutes with his boyfriend.

Eventually, Willie opened his eyes and smiled at Alex over his shoulder.

“Much as I hate to say it, I think if you continue for much longer, you’ll have to scoop me into a bucket because I will have turned into literal goo and will probably become one with the bed.”

Alex grinned, lightly brushing over the scar on Willie’s shoulder, eliciting a knowing smile from Willie. Maybe he hadn’t exactly been subtle about how much he liked it, these last few nights. As a doctor, it should be his goal to make his patients all better, and, if possible, to leave no trace of anything ever having been wrong, but the sight of Willie’s scar and all the memories tied to it just completely overrode all those instincts. In a way, he thought of it as _his_ scar. A little mark to show that he’d touched Willie’s life. Even if the reason for the scar was stupid to begin with and he sincerely wished Willie were a little less reckless when it came to his own health, not cruising around his cargo room on flying bots and cutting his shoulder on crates when he inevitably fell off!

"Okay."

Alex took a step back and went to wash his hands, heart steadily crawling up his throat because once he turned back to Willie, he'd have to start this conversation _somehow_. He tried to breathe evenly, tried to convince himself that he couldn't be reading this wrong, that Willie truly cared about him, and that everything would be fine.

Maybe he was a bit more methodical with washing and drying his hands than usual but when he was done, he steeled his nerves and turned around, mouth half open already.

But Willie beat him to it.

"Hey, Alex?"

He was sitting on the bed, clothes back on, except for his shoes, hugging himself and his thumb rubbing circles into the gleaming skin above his elbow. The last time Alex had seen him so nervous and insecure had been in their cabin after the dance, testing the waters of how far they wanted to take things that night.

Alex closed his mouth again, waiting, while Willie was visibly fighting for his words.

"I was just ... I was wondering if, maybe, you wanted to stay? When we reach the starbase, I mean?" He shrugged awkwardly. "There's a lot to, uhm, like here."

The corner of his mouth perked up but the rest of his face was still lined with insecurity.

It took Alex's brain a few seconds to register the full meaning of Willie's words. And then it dropped like a lead weight into his stomach.

Willie wanted him to stay. Here! Onboard the _Phantom_!

Alex had never wanted to _want_ something so much in his life while being painfully aware that he didn't. Panic gnawed on his fingertips. He'd thought they'd talk long distance relationship! The possibilities of Willie maybe taking on new cargo routes that would bring him to Earth every now and then. Alex's chances of getting a post somewhere close to Ortega 5 once he finished the Academy. He'd never thought of just _staying_! Of leaving everything and everyone behind.

All the promises he'd made this day came rushing back to him. How he'd promised Luke that he would follow him and never desert him and Reggie. How he'd promised that he would be there to take care of Flynn and help her navigate the Academy. How he'd promised that he would show Julie all the coolest spots on campus and give her hugs whenever she needed them.

He had promised! Maybe he hadn't said the word exactly, but he had promised in his heart.

And what would he even _do_ if he stayed? Take care of Willie's scrapes and apart from that ... just be his boyfriend? Hang around and do nothing all day, cooped up in this tiny ship? Being essentially useless?

His arms were tingling and he couldn't feel his toes anymore.

"I can't," he choked out and he could _see_ how Willie struggled not to let his disappointment overwhelm him, how he drew back into himself, while putting on a smile for Alex's sake.

"No, of course. Stupid, I shouldn't have asked. Of course you have to get back to Starfleet and your family and I—"

Willie broke off, took a deep breath, smile still wobbling in place.

"Willie—"

Alex wanted nothing more than to rush forward, to wrap Willie in his arms and hold him and wipe that look of hurt off his face, a look _he_ had put there! But he stood rooted to the spot, unable to move a single muscle.

"No, it's okay." Willie was waving his hands around aimlessly, nodding, putting on that painfully fake smile again. "I understand." He slid off the bed. "You probably have to, uh, tidy stuff. I'll get out off your hair."

And with that he _bolted_ out of the med bay.

* * *

Luke and Reggie found Alex about an hour later, poking their heads in, each with the other's hand in front of their eyes.

"Alex? Willie?"

Alex sniffled.

"Just me," was all he managed before his throat closed up and he choked back a sob, burying his head once more in his arms. He was sitting on the floor, spine pressed into the corner of the med bay. He felt like if he moved even an inch, gravity would stop working, pulling him every which way, crushing him, and he could only stop that from happening by staying put. If he did nothing, he could at least not make things worse.

He heard the guys rushing to his side, felt their hands petting his arms, head, and back, but he couldn't bring himself to look into their faces. Didn't want to see the worry there. The hurt.

"Alex, hey ..."

"What happened?"

They settled down next to him, pressing close on each side, as if they could soak the anguish out of him like that.

How he wished they could!

"I— Willie—"

But it was no use. Another sob racked his body and he pressed his face into his arms, his sleeves damp from tears that didn't ever seem to run out.

His boys tightened their grip on him.

"When you guys didn't return, we were worried," Reggie said softly on Alex's right.

"I mean, we were _hoping_ you were having wild, passionate sex and had just forgotten all about us." Alex could practically hear the grin before Luke's voice softened. "But yeah, we got worried so came to check up on you."

"But whatever could have happened?" Reggie sounded confused. "Did he ... does Willie not want to be with you after we reach the base?"

It was clear that he had a hard time believing it.

But Alex couldn't answer, couldn't explain, just sobbed harder, feeling cold despite the warmth of his friends. The friends he could never leave. Not even, apparently, for the man he'd thought he loved.

But if he didn't love Willie, then why did he currently feel like all his molecules were breaking apart and there was no buffer matrix to sweep them all up, to save them and put him back together again?

Luke and Reggie continued to stroke his back and head, murmuring comforting words that Alex hardly registered while he cried.

He didn't know how much time passed before the tears slowed down and he didn't have to fight for every breath; until the warmth of the bodies by his side finally seeped into his.

"He asked me to stay," he mumbled, voice hoarse.

"What?" both guys exclaimed.

Alex finally lifted his head from his arms, wiping his wet sleeve over his face. He was probably a fucking mess!

He still couldn't look at them but at least he managed to rasp out what had happened, even though his anxiety was crawling all over him as everything came crushing in again now he put it into words.

"But ... isn't that a good thing? It means he really cares about you, doesn't it?" Reggie ventured.

"But I said 'No!'" Alex wailed. "And now he must think that I ... that I don't—"

"Hey, it's okay." Luke rubbed his back vigorously. "I'm sure he understands."

Alex bit down on his lip until it stopped quivering again.

"He said he did but then he ran out and ... he didn't even put on his shoes again!"

He waved at the pair of sneakers that sat accusingly next to the bed and moved to brush his hair out of his face before stopping short.

" _And my hands smell of fucking blueberries!_ "

Fighting his nausea, he thrust them as far away from him as possible, fingers clenching, longing to scrape the stench off his skin. He would never ever even look at a blueberry pancake again.

"Hey, it's okay."

Reggie and Luke each caught one of his hands, squeezing it.

"I'm sure he's not mad at you or anything," Luke reassured him.

"Yeah, he probably just needs some time but he'll understand," Reggie agreed.

Alex laughed bitterly.

"Understand that I don't love him enough to stay, yeah."

"Hey, he'll know it's not as simple as that."

Luke gave his hand two short squeezes. Their old signal that everything would be okay. That Alex wasn't alone.

"Did you tell him that you love him?" Reggie asked.

"No, Reggie!" Alex exploded. "I would have sounded like a fucking hypocrite!"

"Okay, okay," Luke tried to calm him down. "Just breathe, buddy, okay? Just breathe."

Alex let his head fall back, eyes closed, and tried to concentrate on Luke's voice as he fought his lungs for even breaths. Tried to concentrate on Reggie's thumb rubbing over his hand in soothing circles.

He hated being such a mess. He hated putting his friends through this because he knew they worried. And most of all he hated that he had hurt Willie.

Thinking back on how happy he had looked before everything had fallen apart, how he had laughed, how he had kissed Alex, and then how he'd looked when Alex had said 'no,' made him feel like the worst person alive.

_... I hope I won’t disappoint you then ..._

_... I don’t think you could if you tried ..._

Well, he hadn't even tried and had managed fucking fine all the same.

* * *

Luke and Reggie finally coaxed him out of the med bay but when they suggested he clean up in his bathroom, he protested violently. They still didn't know where Willie had been all this time since he hadn't gone back to the others. Alex suspected that he might have gone down to the engine room—if there ever had been a good time for screaming, this seemed it—instead of staying on the same deck as Alex, but he couldn't be sure and he didn't want to run into him right now. Which opened up a whole different well of pain in him.

The guys agreed to smuggle him into their bathroom. When the lift doors opened, Alex caught a glimpse of the girls' worried faces before Reggie hustled him into his and Luke's cabin. Luke stayed outside and Alex was too tired to even get anxious about what he was telling Julie and Flynn about the whole thing. He just hoped they wouldn't hate him now.

There had been no sign of Willie anywhere.

After Reggie stomped on another impending meltdown and absolutely refused to hide Alex in their bathroom for the rest of the trip, they left the cabin and Alex was both relieved and worried when he saw that Willie still hadn't returned. The girls looked worried as well but whatever Luke had told them, they refrained from making any remarks and just continued talking, for which Alex was grateful. He could have handled neither anger nor pity right now.

Reggie nudged him into one of the chairs and fetched something to eat and drink for him. He mostly ignored the former but was glad to get some fluids back into his body. He also didn't mind having something warm to hold onto.

Willie made his reappearance about twenty minutes later, in time for dinner. Alex sat with his back to the elevator so he didn't see him but when everybody suddenly tensed up before trying to appear absolutely casual—and just why was everybody on this ship so terrible at that?!—it wasn't hard to guess. Alex went absolutely still, hunched in on himself because he had no idea how this would go and wasn't sure whether to be glad that everybody was here or whether he wished them all to Mars.

And then Willie was by his side and pressed a short kiss onto his hairline, murmuring "Hey, buffer boy."

Alex's head jerked up and he looked at Willie, eyes wide, because whatever he had expected, it wasn't this.

Willie smiled at him, though it was a little strained around the edges.

Tentatively, Alex smiled back.

"I'm gonna make dinner. You want to help?"

Willie's voice was a lot quieter than usual but Alex nodded immediately.

He could practically hear the collected breaths being released around him.

They didn't talk while they prepared the food other than exchanging what was necessary for their task, but Alex didn't mind. Just being near Willie was enough, knowing that he didn't hate him.

During dinner, Julie goaded Luke into another retelling of how they had met Captain Kirk on campus and shook his hand once. By Alex's count, this was the third time Luke had told the story since coming onboard but he was still as excited as ever about it—he had been buzzing for _days_ after the event itself—and launched right into a panegyric about the man and his accomplishments. Luke had the biggest celebrity crush on Kirk ever and the number of times that Alex, Reggie, and Bobby had had to endure listening to Luke laud the legendary captain went into the upper hundreds at least. Luke had been immensely relieved when he'd learned that Kirk was still alive, a highly decorated admiral now, and hoped that he might meet him again one day when he had his own command.

Alex wasn't sure why Julie would willingly subject herself to another retelling of the story and the Kirk praise parade but he was glad. Luke's enthusiasm was infectious and it made the dinner a lot less awkward than it otherwise might have been.

After the dinner plates were cleared away, they took out their knitting projects. As a welcome change to the board games, Willie had promised to teach them how to knit, to varying degrees of success. Julie's rainbow scarf was coming along nicely, as was Flynn's—they were doing a sort of friendship scarf thing where they each knitted one for the other as a reminder of their bond, but now Alex really hoped to see them both wearing them on campus in the near future. Luke and Reggie had had to be separated after the first few lessons all dissolved into impromptu knitting needle tournaments and Alex got stabbed on one painful occasion. Now they were both knitting away at something that was supposed to turn into scarves one day but Alex doubted that was ever going to happen. Not that they minded. They would badmouth each other's scarves but happily knit away at their own misshapen lump of wool, tongue sticking out in concentration.

Alex's scarf was still in its infancy because he kept unravelling it and starting over. It was frustrating to watch Willie knock out a pair of socks or most of a jumper in an evening, not even looking much at what he was doing, and frequently getting interrupted to untangle someone who'd gotten stuck. Meanwhile, Alex fought with the needles and the yarn and the loops and his fingers. He so wanted to be good at this thing Willie loved but he wasn't, apparently, born to knit.

After the general yawning became more and more pronounced, they retreated to their cabins but just when the elevator doors were about to close on Alex and Willie, Willie slipped out again.

"Sorry, I forgot something. I'll ... catch up."

Before Alex could even reply, the doors closed, and a painful tightness in his chest reminded him that he needed to breathe.

In a daze, he made his way to their cabin, went through the bathroom ritual and slipped into the cold bed, lying on his back and stubbornly refusing to think.

He was still trying not to think when Willie finally entered half an eternity later. He didn't say anything, just went into the bathroom, and Alex was waiting again.

When Willie returned from the bathroom, he slid under the blankets and placed a somewhat hurried kiss to Alex's cheek before muttering "Good night" and turning away from him.

Of course Alex hadn't expected everything to be normal and them having sex like nothing ever happened, but he'd at least hoped for a chance to explain himself, to have a proper talk about it. To tell him that he _did_ love him.

"Willie, I—"

"Don't, Alex, okay?" Willie's voice sounded strained.

"But I—"

"Please."

And what could Alex do when Willie was pleading like this?

"Okay," he said softly, trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes.

"Could you ... could you just hold me?" Willie asked quietly after a moment.

"Of course," Alex murmured and shifted until he could put his arm around Willie, pulling close to him, burying his face in Willie's soft hair.

He could feel Willie draw in a shaky breath before he relaxed into Alex's embrace and Alex held him even closer, hoping that Willie could feel his love, his thoughts screaming it, while his lips remained closed.

It took Willie a long time to fall asleep.

And only then did Alex feel safe enough to kiss the words into his hair.

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I promise again: everything will be fine and yes, I'm writing as fast as I can, so please don't throw things at me, unless they're warm blankets because I made myself sad with this chapter :(
> 
> But if you need to yell some, I'm always happy about comments, even if they yell ;D
> 
> Big shoutout to [Kelbris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelbris/pseuds/Kelbris) for coming up with the knitting lessons idea!! And look, hunny, we finally learn how Willie got the wound on his shoulder! ^^


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm still alive and very sorry I've kept you waiting for so long. Real life struggles combined with writing struggles were not a good combo so I took a bit of a break, writing some other stuff (is this the time to self-promo? *cheerful Carrie voice* "Check out my new Willex One Shot, love you!") to get back into the groove and it did help. I'm still not a hundred percent happy with the chapter and it's short, but at this point, I think it's good enough and I need to move on before getting completely stuck. It's a transitionary chapter. These things are never terribly exiting but a necessary evil with hopefully some good bits in there anyway.
> 
> I actually wrote a 2k missing scene for this which will be posted later because it's Willie's POV and spoils some things so ... look out for that probably after I post chapter eighteen, which will hopefully be less of a struggle!

Alex woke up to an empty bed and for a moment, his brain struggled to make sense of it, going through a brief phase of ‘has my whole relationship with Willie just been a dream’ before finally recovering the memory of the previous day. He immediately wished it hadn’t.

Pressing his eyes shut, Alex refused to get lost in the vortex of feelings opening up inside of him, and inhaled deeply before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and getting up. It was a struggle but one that had to be won quickly and decisively because all he really wanted was to stay in bed and hide himself under the blankets, which, unfortunately, was not a real option.

His head swam from getting up too fast but a few more deep breaths helped to clear it. If only the dread in his stomach were as easily settled.

The picture of Willie's parents on the shelf drew his gaze. He couldn't really see it all that well in the dim starlight but he remembered it clearly enough: The happy couple arm in arm, smiling brightly, sharing their life onboard the _Phantom_.

He tried to imagine that it was he and Willie, flying amongst the stars in their own little _Phantom_ shaped bubble of happiness. How Alex would eventually get the hang of knitting and they would make more blankets than they could ever use while talking about anything and nothing. How they would play cards and have movie nights and visit new places with new people. How Willie would teach him how to cook and Alex would teach Willie how to pirouette. How Willie would continue to fall off things and Alex would patch him up with rainbow band-aids and kisses. How he would wake up every morning in Willie’s arms, how they would love each other and laugh with each other. How Willie would smile at him every day, shining brighter than the stars.

Alex could almost imagine it. That he could be content in this life, that he wouldn't miss his friends and a purpose. That just being with Willie could be enough.

Almost.

But no matter how much he longed for this life, a good and simple life, it wasn’t the one for him. Alex clamped down on the self-hatred welling up inside of him. It was an old acquaintance, with its lulling voice of loathing and its suffocating weight settling on his soul. But Alex had learned through hard lessons that it was no use beating himself up over not being who he thought he should be—or who others thought he should be. It didn't change anything. It certainly didn't change him.

He’d had no intention of taking the picture down but found himself holding it nevertheless, apologising internally to these people he’d never met, and one of which was dead, that he had disappointed their son, who deserved so much better.

The sound of the bathroom door startled him and he turned around quickly.

“Willie! I thought you’d … uhm—“

Alex gesticulated vaguely, noticed the picture still in his hands and hastily put it back on the shelf.

Willie’s brows rose in confusion.

“No, I just needed to—“ He jerked his thumb behind him, indicating the bathroom.

“Oh, right.”

They stood facing each other in an awkward, half naked silence until Alex couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Okay, I’m just gonna … I mean, I _literally_ just woke up so my brain’s all, uhm, mushy and stuff? So I don’t know how well this’ll come out. But I’m … I’m _really_ sorry about yesterday. And I wish … God, I wish I could have said yes. Because … I care about you, Willie. A lot!”

A smile slowly displaced the frown on Willie’s face and at least Willie didn’t hate him. At least he now knew that Alex truly cared about him. A lot. At least he could give him that.

Willie stepped closer and brought a hand to Alex’s forehead, sweeping his hair out of his face. The smile widened as he looked at Alex. “I care a lot about you, too.”

Alex exhaled shakily.

“Good. That’s … good.”

He hesitated for a second, swaying on the spot, and then drew Willie into a tight hug, clinging to him. Willie stumbled against him before catching himself and bringing his arms around Alex, holding him just as close.

“Really, I’m so sorry,” Alex mumbled into Willie’s shoulder, eyes squeezed shut against the tears threatening to spill.

Willie’s fingers curled against Alex’s skin.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Alex voice was barely more than a choked whisper but judging from the way Willie’s arms tightened around him, he must have heard him all the same. He felt Willie’s lips in a brief kiss against his neck before he whispered back:

“Then we’ll figure something else out, buffer boy.”

Throat filled with love and tears, Alex nodded, and buried his face deeper in Willie’s shoulder, no longer caring if his tears spilled over.

Willie drew back out of the embrace after a long moment and started placing soft kisses all over Alex's face, thumb swiping the tears from his cheeks.

“How about you brush your teeth and clean up a little and then kiss me senseless?”

Alex blinked rapidly a few times, swallowing hard.

“Yeah, I can … okay, I can do that! Just give me a sec.”

He’d never brushed his teeth faster.

* * *

Things were good again. Or so Alex tried to convince himself. They were definitely better than they had been the evening before. And at least they were on the same page regarding the ‘caring about each other’ issue, which was a pretty good improvement.

If he could just shake the feeling that Willie was _waiting_ for something. He kept throwing him these looks that Alex couldn't really interpret. Because he had no idea what Willie could be waiting _for_! He had been pretty clear about the not staying part, so Willie couldn't expect him to change his mind about that, could he? He had made the suggestions about changed cargo routes and trying to get a posting somewhere after graduation but Willie had only half-heartedly agreed, not seeming particularly interested in getting more into the details. If he hoped that Alex would come up with a better plan, well, then they were both out of luck because no matter how much Alex wracked his brain, he couldn't. He needed to get back to Earth and he needed to return to the Academy. Those two facts stood immutable in his mind. Maybe, once he was back, he'd know more, but right now, this was all he got.

He almost wished one of the others would ask Willie about those looks but unfortunately they had either not picked up on them or had chosen this moment to develop tact all of a sudden. It was maddening. The one time he could have used their meddling and they remained perfectly unmeddlesome! They were probably just happy that he and Willie were back to being a cute couple again and didn't want to poke into any potential troubles. Not that he really wanted to either. So Alex shoved his worries to the back of his mind as well as he could, studiously ignoring their constant whispering.

Julie took Willie aside at one point, and Alex could guess what they were talking about but Julie still hadn't informed the others about her decision so his own lips remained sealed. He didn't really know anything about Willie's contracts but maybe, if Julie really did come with them to Earth, and Willie didn't have to return her to Ortega 5, he would be free to pursue another flight path? But once they returned, Willie didn't mention anything, though he did look a little more pensive.

Everybody pretended that everything was fine but there was a tension running through all of them—so much for the massages having a lasting effect—as they came ever closer to Starbase 16. Willie had sent out a brief communiqué to the base after Alex and the guys had beamed aboard to apprise Starfleet of the rescue but they'd only be able to establish a direct commlink around lunchtime the next day.

And then they'd basically be back in civilisation.

Ironically—since he'd just refused to stay—Alex wished they'd never arrive, that they were caught in limbo a little longer. Because regardless of how his relationship with Willie would look once they reached the base, he, Luke, and Reggie would have to deal with the twenty-five year disappearance and all that truly meant. They would finally know what had happened to their families, if their parents were even all alive anymore.

Alex was glad that Starfleet would probably inform his parents—if still alive—of his own reappearance long before they reached Earth so they could all prepare for the reunion. He had very conflicting feelings about it. Would they be happy? Would they tell him 'we told you so'? Would they regret the way they had behaved and be all remorseful while all their disapproval was still so recent and fresh in his own mind?

He also worried about Luke and Reggie. Alex was almost certain that if anything had happened to Luke's mom, it would devastate him. Those two had always been close in a constantly fighting kind of way, where it was clear that if only they'd loved each other a little less, everything would have been a lot more chilled during Luke's childhood and teenage years. Luke's penchant for getting into trouble and Emily Patterson's constant worrying had clashed on a regular basis and made neither of them happy. Things had settled down some when they all enrolled in Starfleet because Luke's Mom hoped the discipline of the Academy would tame her wild boy a little—though Alex was sure she still worried about all the trouble he could get into on a Starship and yeah, look at how that had turned out—but mostly because there was finally some distance between them and Luke carefully edited his messages home. Losing her precious boy would almost certainly have broken Emily and Alex just hoped there would be enough left of her to be reunited with him now.

As for Reggie's parents, well. He knew it would be hard for Reggie but Alex truly did hope they'd finally gotten that divorce and became better and happier people as a result and would be glad to get their boy back. Alex was sure that Reggie would come to terms with it quickly enough if he could see his parents happy—which would be a pretty novel occurrence. Especially since he wouldn’t have had to live through the actual divorce.

But whatever happened with them and their parents, Alex was glad that they would have each other to come back to. If all the world was strange, at least they had that. And as far as Alex was concerned, Luke and Reggie (and Bobby) were his real family, the one he had chosen and that had chosen him.

* * *

When the day closed, Willie excused himself again from riding down to their shared cabin with Alex because he 'needed to check something.' Alex didn't know what to make of it but when Willie waved him off after he asked whether he should wait or come with him, looking all flustered, Alex could only mutter "okay" and proceed to the cabin. He didn't want to doubt Willie but Willie was not a good liar and something was definitely up.

Alex was waiting, once again lying on his back in bed, watching the stars pass by in stripes of light, when Willie finally entered their cabin. He looked distracted and deep in thought but when he caught Alex's questioning gaze, he smiled fondly at him.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting. I'll just be a minute."

Another smile and he had vanished into the bathroom.

Alex sat up as Willie returned and was glad when his boyfriend climbed in with him, moving in for a sweet, lingering kiss. He’d been half afraid of an encore of the night before.

“Everything okay?” he mumbled as they parted, and searched Willie’s face for hints of where he’d been.

Willie smiled. “Yeah, I think it will be.”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up at that but Willie didn’t elaborate, only kissed him again. But when Alex tried to deepen the kiss, tugging on Willie’s waist, he broke off.

“Is it okay if we just cuddle tonight?”

Alex frowned a little but was quick to reassure Willie that yes, of course that was okay.

“Whatever you want, Willie.”

Willie smiled and kissed him once more before they both settled down, Willie curled into Alex’s side, head resting on his shoulder, and his fingers drawing lazy patterns onto Alex’s chest, that tickled faintly.

Just four more nights. Alex didn’t want to count them but the countdown had started pretty much the moment they’d gotten together. Or maybe even before that. It seemed an eternity ago though it had just been short of two weeks in reality, that they had found themselves on the _Phantom_ and Alex had stumbled into Willie’s arms and everything had changed.

Alex tightened his arm around Willie and turned his head so he could press a kiss onto his hair.

„I love you,” he murmured.

Willie tipped his head back so he could look at Alex, and his smile shone in the starlight.

“I love you, too, buffer boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hope you still enjoyed it, brief as it is. Kind comments and encouragement are more than welcome to help me with these last couple of chapters. Right now, I know there will definitely be three more but that might be it? Who knows! ... and then there will be a couple of missing scenes and one shots but yeah, main story's coming to a close soonish (insert screaming Yeo).


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the end of this story, guys, so enjoy every moment! <3
> 
> Fair warning: Luke went a bit rogue in this chapter but I think it will turn out okay ;D

Alex initially wasn’t sure what had woken him up, brain still splashing about in a sleepy haze, but then he registered the panting breaths, and the fact that Willie wasn’t by his side but sitting with his back to him, a shaking back, and he was instantly wide awake. He scrambled to sit up and move closer to Willie, hesitant and worried.

“Hey ..."

Willie started when Alex put his hand on his shoulder, inhaling sharply, before turning his head and Alex was shocked to see tears in his eyes.

"Hey, what's ... are you okay?"

Stupid, obviously he wasn't!

But Willie didn't seem to care much about Alex's appalling observational skills, just sagged sideward until Alex caught him in a slightly awkward hug. Alex shifted until he could get a better grip on Willie, stroking his back and hair while making soft, comforting noises.

He could feel some of the tension bleed out of Willie's body, the shaking subsiding slowly as he held onto him.

"Bad dream?" he asked cautiously after a few minutes, when Willie had stilled completely, his heartbeat no longer drumming up a storm inside of him. He'd slid down so that now only his head was cradled in Alex's lap, one hand curled around Alex's thigh, with Alex's fingers running soothingly through his hair

Willie bit his lip and nodded. Then he tilted his head until he could look at Alex's face.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Don't be. I'm glad I woke up." Alex caressed his cheek, relieved to see his own smile mirrored there. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I'm okay now. Thanks."

Alex swallowed the word on his tongue because _always_ was not something he could promise right now. Instead, he bowed forward until he could kiss his boyfriend's forehead.

* * *

Everyone was nervous at breakfast. Normally, lunch and dinner were the only meals they'd shared, leaving everyone to get up at their own leisure in the mornings. But today, they'd all congregated early as if it had been planned, flocking together in a herd instinct of strength in numbers even though the only 'threat' looming on the horizon was a comm call.

Willie was still a little out of it from his nightmare. Or at least, that was what Alex guessed. He seemed distracted and spaced out in odd moments, deep in thought, fingers running incessantly over the tabletop or cutlery. But every time Alex asked him if he was okay, he smiled and said 'yes,' kissing him on the cheek or taking his hand and squeezing it. So Alex just kept watching him.

Weirdly, so were Luke and Reggie although every time Alex caught them watching Willie, they immediately pretended to be deeply engrossed with their cereal or coffee or each other.

Julie was fidgeting and fiddling with her bracelets, while Flynn just stared dully into her coffee mug.

"Okay." Alex put his own mug down forcefully, everyone's attention snapping towards him. "How about we all go screaming after breakfast?"

They stared at him.

"You know? Down in the engine room?" He checked in with Willie, hoping he hadn't let out a big secret but the smile steadily growing on Willie's face encouraged him and he grabbed for his boyfriend's hand. "Willie took me down there to scream and it was very therapeutic. And I think we could all use a good scream right now. So, as the ship's official doctor," several mouths opened in protest but Alex ignored them, "I prescribe a good scream to each and every one of you." He fixed them all with a determined stare until everyone nodded.

Willie bumped his shoulder, grinning at him.

"Aww, I kinda missed bossy doctor mode."

"Yeah, well, you better not get injured on purpose just to see it again," Alex warned but he was blushing and that didn't get any better with the giggles erupting around the table.

* * *

The last time they'd all been down here had been almost exactly twelve days ago, with Alex, Luke, and Reggie stumbling off the transporter platform. It felt like an eternity had passed. Even longer since they'd been on the _Sunset Curve_. It was a weird feeling but luckily, they were here to scream after all.

The others were all shuffling about until Reggie said: "So, we just scream?"

Alex looked over at Willie, standing next to him, but he just shrugged. "This was your idea, buffer boy."

Alex nodded and then his eyes caught their entwined hands and he beamed.

Looking up, he waved Reggie over.

"Here, hold my hand."

Reggie took it without hesitation but seemed confused, as were the others.

Alex motioned at them all, making Willie's and Reggie's arms flop about as he did so. "Come on, people, form a circle."

"Holding hands?"

"Yes, holding hands, Luke!"

Luke seemed unconvinced but grabbed Reggie's hand as ordered, holding his other out for Julie to take.

"This is like one of those school trust exercise things," Flynn muttered, as she took Julie's and Willie's free hands, completing the circle.

"Yes, it is, but this will work! Trust me!"

Alex wasn't sure why he was so fired up about this, he just knew that they would all feel better afterwards.

"Okay, so we'll start by passing the scream around, you know, one person screaming at another—no insults please, just screaming!," he fixed Luke and Reggie with stern looks and then ignored their protests, "and then that person screams at someone else and so on. And when everyone's warmed up, we'll all scream together."

Alex's gaze was drawn over to Willie, who was giggling and looking at him fondly.

"What?"

Willie shook his head, biting his lip.

"I love you, buffer boy."

"I, uh, well I love you, too," Alex stammered, blushing.

"Awww, was that you guys’ first 'I love you's?" Flynn clapped excitedly before realising she'd dropped her assigned hands and recapturing them.

"Nope," Willie replied cheerfully, grinning at Alex.

"Aww, we're never there for your firsts!" Flynn complained.

"Well there are _some_ firsts I'm really glad we're not there for," Luke commented under his breath and Julie sniggered.

"Okay, can we scream now? Because I feel like screaming now."

Of course _everyone_ laughed at that and Alex squirmed even more.

"Yeah, I feel like screaming, too," Julie said and Alex was about to thank her before she added: "Because you two are so cute it's really too much to handle."

"Hey! Careful or I revoke your screaming privileges, Miss!"

Julie pouted.

"Just what kind of doctor are you again? Handing out prescriptions and then denying your patients the medicine?"

"Yeah, Alex, way uncool!" Luke piped up.

Of course he'd come to Julie's defence.

Alex rolled his eyes and then he screamed at Luke, having the great satisfaction of seeing him jump back with a yelp.

"Okay, guess we're starting," Luke muttered with an eye roll as he took his place in the circle again. He looked around himself and yelled at Reggie, who screamed at Willie, who screamed at Flynn, who screamed at Julie.

It was loud and it was messy and it was a little bit insane and it was absolutely the best thing Alex had ever done. They were all breathing hard from screaming and laughing, fingers squeezing fingers tightly, holding each other upright in a wobbling circle, and when they all screamed together, lids squeezed shut, hearts pumping, Alex wanted to cover his ears, it was so loud, but he had never felt so alive either, and when he opened his eyes again and looked around at the others, at their flushed cheeks and grinning mouths and shining eyes, he was sure he wasn't the only one.

When they finally let go of each other, flexing their fingers, Luke bounded up to Alex and took his face between his hands, looking at him with a wide, wild grin.

"This was an awesome idea, bro!"

And then he kissed him. A short, loud smack of lips on lips, before Luke let go of him again, laughing.

Alex scrunched up his face and shoved him away before swiping over his mouth with his sleeve. He rolled his eyes.

"You're an idiot, Luke."

"Hey, how come we don't get kisses?" Reggie complained.

Luke turned to him with a huge smile.

"You didn't have an awesome idea like this, but okay."

And then he kissed Reggie, too, who looked kind of dazed afterwards but Luke was already moving on to the girls, each of which received their own kiss of exuberance, and only Willie held up his hand, smiling.

"No, I'm good, thanks."

Luke caught him anyway but placed the kiss on his cheek instead, and Willie didn't look like he minded that much.

Alex noted the blushes on Julie's, Flynn's, and Reggie's cheeks and rolled his eyes again.

"Luke, if you broke them after I just—"

"What? No, I didn't break anyone, right, guys?" Luke pouted and looked around, deflating a little. "I'm sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away ..."

Flynn patted his shoulder.

"It's okay, I think we can all survive _one_ Luke Patterson kiss."

Rggie huffed out a slightly awkward laugh.

"Yeah, bro, no worries. It's all cool."

Luke sighed in relief and then seemed to put the whole thing out of his mind. The others were trying to appear casual, too, but their gazes were still drawn to Luke again and again.

Well, this was going to be interesting!

* * *

When they were nearing comm distance to the station, Alex, Luke, and Reggie changed back into their cadet uniforms. It felt strange to wear it again but in a good way, too.

"Looking handsome, buffer boy," Willie murmured when he saw Alex and kissed him.

Alex hummed in agreement. He'd always thought that the light blue of Starfleet's science and medical division was a good fit for him. Just like Reggie looked good in his red uniform shirt and Luke rocked the command gold. Not that they'd chosen their fields because of the colours but it was nice of the universe to arrange it so the colours fit.

"You ready?" Willie asked when they came out of the kiss.

"Not really, but yeah."

Willie smiled and took his hand.

The bridge was a tight squeeze for all of them so Julie and Flynn lingered in the corridor outside while Willie sat in the pilot's chair with the three Starfleet cadets behind him.

Reggie got really excited when Willie asked him if he wanted to open the channel because so far there hadn't really been any need for his skills onboard the _Phantom_.

They were patched through to Commander Lessa immediately, the station commander smiling warmly at the three of them as she greeted them by name. She'd obviously done her homework. She delivered the expected speech about how excited everyone was about their rescue, how sorry they were for what had happened to the _Sunset Curve_ and to her crew, and how she, personally, looked forward to meeting them once they reached Starbase 16, that her medical team would stand by for any potential grief counselling they might need, that any and all information they requested would be sent out to the _Phantom_ immediately, regarding their loved ones or what they had missed out on during their time in the buffer, that Starfleet hoped they would continue their training with them but if they wished to take some time off or to opt out, there would be chances to discuss this once their official debriefings had been completed. She reassured them that their legal status would be changed back to 'alive' once they'd had their identity confirming check-ups and that their next of kin would be appraised of this immediately after.

It was kindly said and meant and it was all very much at once even though none of it was unexpected.

Luke was in the process of thanking the woman on the screen when Reggie blurted out: "Your uniform is red!" Belatedly, he tagged on a "ma'am."

Commander Lessa was clearly taken aback by that but then laughed.

"All the uniforms are red now. A lot has changed in the last twenty-five years, gentlemen!"

They'd known that. Of course they'd known that! But somehow, seeing the unfamiliar uniform on the screen was not only jarring but driving home the lapse of time in a way that nothing else had yet.

"If that is all I can do for you at the moment?"

"Actually," Willie spoke up, "there's another matter I wanted to discuss with you, if you have another moment to spare?"

The commander looked surprised but nodded.

Willie craned his head back towards Alex and the others and suddenly Luke and Reggie sprang into action, almost dragging Alex out, saying hasty goodbyes to Commander Lessa.

Alex was about to ask them what was up but then Flynn was already needling them with questions and it was only when they were back on the upper deck that they realised that Julie wasn't with them.

It didn't take her and Willie long, however, to rejoin them and when they did, they were both grinning from ear to ear.

"We got news," Julie announced and there was an audible gasp from Flynn, hands covering her mouth for a moment before she broke into the widest grin.

"You're coming with us, aren't you, Jules?"

Julie nodded and held her arms out for her best friend who flew into them with a high-pitched squeal of happiness that would probably be ringing in Alex's ears for days to come.

"Double trouble lives again!" Flynn shouted as she and Julie bounced around, clutching each other tightly.

And when she finally let go of Julie, Luke was right there to pick her up and spin her around.

"That's awesome news, Julie!"

"Yes!" Reggie agreed and drew her into a tight hug that she happily returned.

"So I take it Commander Lessa said you have a good chance of reclaiming your spot at the Academy?"

Alex had been watching the happy scene unfold, Willie's hand in his, marvelling at the way Julie seemed to glow now that she'd made her decision and was certain about where her future would take her.

She turned to him, eyes shining.

"Yes, she did."

She came over to him, pushing up on her toes to give him a quick peck on the cheek before wrapping her arms around him.

"Thank you, Alex," she mumbled into his shirt.

Alex returned her hug gladly, even though he had to give up holding Willie's hand for it.

"Wait, what did Alex do?" Luke looked at the two of them in utter confusion.

After squeezing Alex tightly one more time, Julie turned around to face Luke and shrugged. "He made me change my mind."

"What?"

Reggie, Luke, and Flynn all looked equally stunned.

"When did he do that?"

"Uhm ... during the massage?" Julie nervously tugged on one of her curls.

Luke focused on Alex.

"How did you do that? I mean, it's awesome you did, bro, and we're all glad but ... how?"

Now it was Alex's turn to shrug.

"Maybe by not pestering her so much?" He grinned smugly, crossing his arms.

Julie rolled her eyes.

"Okay, _you_ guys," she pointed at Flynn, Reggie, and Luke, "made me _want_ to join Starfleet, while _Alex_ ," she pointed at him, "helped me put some things into perspective so that I could realise that wanting it was _okay_ and that I wouldn't be disrespectful to my Mom's memory by doing it."

Tactfully, the guys refrained from saying anything stupid like 'duh' and just said again how happy they were.

"And Willie?" Reggie asked.

"Willie just looked pretty," Julie answered easily with a shrug but she smiled fondly at him before her eyes widened. "Oh! But that's not all the news we have!"

She threw Willie a pointed look who cleared his throat and grinned.

"Yeah, uhm, I'm coming too."

While Alex's brain was still trying to process that, Luke and Reggie were already all over Willie, hugging him, and exclaiming how awesome that was, and then Flynn joined as well, and Willie was laughing but once the first wave of excitement had calmed down a little, he looked at Alex, frown on his face.

"You're coming with us to Earth?" Alex asked because he still hadn't quite grasped what was happening.

Willie nodded, looking a little unsure.

"Yeah and, uhm, to the Academy. Commander Lessa said she could pull some strings and was pretty sure they'd accept me." He bit his lip. "I hope that's okay?"

Alex blinked.

"I, okay, what?"

"Dude!" Luke had come up behind him and gripped Alex by the shoulders, shaking him. "He's coming to Starfleet with us! We'll all be together!"

Willie cleared his throat.

"If ... I mean, if you don't want that, now would be the moment to say so because, uhm ..." He nervously pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "Luke and Reggie said you'd be happy?"

"I ... when did they say that?"

"Okay," Reggie inserted himself between Alex and Willie, holding onto Alex's shoulders as well so that he was now sandwiched between his two friends, and looked him straight in the eye. "Willie came to talk to us yesterday and asked if we thought this was a good idea and whether you would like it and we said yes. So, Alex, Willie will come with us to Earth, and then he'll join Starfleet, and the two of you can be together and drive us all mad with how terribly in love you are and you will not lose him. Okay? Okay. Now kiss your boyfriend, you're making him all anxious and freak out. Your brain will catch up later."

Reggie stepped to the side and then he and Luke pushed Alex so he stumbled into Willie's arms.

Alex scanned his face for any traces that this was a joke but all he saw was the uncertainty in Willie's eyes and the way he bit his lip as he watched Alex's face in return.

"You'd really do that?" he whispered. "I mean, you, you really want this?"

The corner of Willie's mouth curled a little and his brows twitched.

"Yeah, I do. I just really hope you'll want me to as well, because otherwise I'm looking mighty stupid here."

"No!" Alex exclaimed, clutching onto Willie's jumper. "I mean, you're not looking stupid and I ..."

"Oh, just shut up and kiss him," Flynn hollered from the side, to he cheers of the rest.

And Alex decided that that was probably a good idea because his brain definitely wasn't working right now and if there were no proper words coming out of his mouth, he might as well use it for other purposes.

He held Willie's face between his hands and pressed their lips together, trying to pour every bit of love and hope and relief into his kiss, and then Willie sighed against him and his arms came around Alex's waist, holding him so tight like he never wanted to let him go again, and he was kissing him back, and there would be so many more kisses in their future, because they would spend it together because Willie would come _with_ him!

It was really too much to comprehend.

"Are you sure you want this?" Alex asked, leaning back a little so he could look at his marvellous boyfriend.

Willie laughed, still holding onto him.

"Luke and Reg told me I'd have to reassure you every ten minutes so I guess that's starting now." He kissed the tip of Alex's nose. "But yes, I'm sure. I know it will be hard work and we won't be constantly together and all that but ... we _will_ be together. And maybe you can show me how to pirouette and I can teach you how to knit socks, and we'll all have movie nights together and play games, and whenever I'm stupid again and fall off things I'll come visit you in the infirmary for a band aid and a kiss and so you can scold me and fuss over me and—"

Alex abruptly shut him up with another kiss.

And then he was rocked against Willie by Luke colliding with him, throwing his arms around both of them, and then Reggie, Julie, and Flynn all joined the hug as well, and Alex was _happy_! Because they would all stay together and he wouldn't have to choose anymore between the people he loved and it would be okay.

"Are you crying, Alex?"

"Shut up, Reggie!"

He buried his face in Willie's shoulder and decided that this moment would make a perfect eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, who else is slightly emotional now? Because I admit I am. I just love all these lovely idiots so much!! <3
> 
> And now that Willie's plan has been revealed, I can post that missing scene of him and the boys talking, which I'm very excited about because I love it a lot and I hope you'll also love it :D You can find that [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578464)


End file.
